You, In Detroit

Chapter 4

Dear you,

I don't have school Tuesday, Wednesday, or Friday which is pretty radical man. I do not enjoy school anyways, it is pretty boring. Like I've complained earlier. I actually hate school, and even thinking about it gets me sick. Like my stomach churns and I get headaches.

I recently decided I like the nick name "Kitten." I have no idea why. I was reading a book where this kid was made at his almost girlfriend for being in the rain, and he was like "Kitten, get out of the rain." because he did not want her to get sick and I thought it was the cutest thing ever. I would not mind being called kitten, even though a kitten is an actual animal. I am weird like that.

I found a snake today, slithering through my friendship. Sarah, the one I told you about earlier. She a snake.

This girl named China, recently became friends with Sarah to get closer to boys. I didn't just make this up, China literally told people this. My other friend, Monica was telling Sarah so Sarah wouldn't be finessed. She was trying to be a good friend, and Sarah completely missed her with that quick crap. Sarah said 'You're a fat cunt", and now Monica and Sarah aren't friends. I hate Sarah. I want to slice her throat open, pathetic cunt.

My friend Violet's birthday was yesterday, so a bunch of us went to her house to hangout. I wasn't allowed to stay the night because I have to go to a showing today, but I stayed until 7. It was really fun, and I'm glad I went.

I really wish I was able to sing. I am able to remember lyrics to tons and tons of songs so easily, but my voice is in no way pleasing, and so it does not matter if I know the lyrics or not because I do not sing them in front of anybody but a couple of friends and that sucks because every time a song comes on I have an itch in my stomach to sing it.

Fran and I are no longer friends. He is no longer a brother to me. He destroyed my trust. He took it in both of his hands, crumbled it into pieces, and stepped on it over and over again until there was nothing but dust left. He made me question everything he has ever told me. Maybe he has been lying to me the whole time. Maybe he never actually was there for me. I do not think he would of wasted 6 months of his life on me though, but some people are hard to figure out. You never know what somebody will do, or how long they will hold onto something to just hurt the person more. I guess he held on for a long time to break me down into dust. 

I haven't been really into writing lately. The whole thing with Fran just made me question everything in my life which sucks, because my friends love me but maybe they don't. Maybe they are all just using me for something, even thought I know they aren't because who would waste more than a month on me. I honestly feel like nobody likes me, and people only talk to me because they feel sorry for me. But I will feel like a freak if I ask them if that's why they are friends with me, and even if it is true they are obviously not going to say that's the reason. I just feel like they are using me which is shitty of me to think because who would think so low about somebody that you are very close to. And it is not that I want to think like that, I wish I never did. But my thoughts just get to rough for my to handle, and I constantly think since I never sleep. I just do not know how people can handle me. I have a serious attitude problem, and I would not want to be my own friend. I do not understand why they want to be mine.

I think I am going to stop this book at chapter ten. I started writing this because of a ten thousand word challenge, and I feel like I am going to fix up and change the chapters to were that almost all are around a thousand words or more so I can finish Chapter ten with ten thousands words because my mind has just been gambled lately and I have no thoughts in my mind. I do not write in a journal and so this is new to me. I have not wrote in my books with different prompts because I just have no been in the mood to write.

I really miss football games because I actually do not mind watching football. I think it is fun to watch, but my favorite sport to watch is hockey. I love hockey so much. I never went to a hockey match until Monica took me too one. It was the most fun I had in awhile, and I laughed and smiled the whole time. I was extremely grateful she took me to it. I have no idea where I would be without Monica. I hope I can go to another one next year when hockey season starts again.

I wish somebody would ask me what is wrong. Even though I would lie and just tell them that nothing is wrong like everybody does, I wish somebody would push to know what is wrong you know? I feel like those people are very ungranted on Earth. I feel like we should give them more credit. They actually care what is wrong if they push. I feel like nobody pushes now a days, and some people do not want to talk about it but they have to eventually or everything will just get boarded up in their mind.

I feel so lost recently and I do not know how to fix it.

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