You, In Detroit

Chapter 7

Dear friend,

Today is the day before thanksgiving and because a lot of my family works on thanksgiving, we have it the day before. for the past few weeks I've had stomach problems, where 4 or 5 days out of the week I can eat a bite, or a few bites of something and feel sick or uneasy. I hate going to the doctors, and the fact I can't swallow pills makes me want to not go, and so I don't. but I know I should or I'm going to stop losing weight.

Last night me, Monica, and Bella were playing either a Ouija board. I usually feel weird in my house even though I've lived there for the past 14 years, yet I still felt very uneasy. It totally creeped us out, and then we played with the lights on and we were okay afterwards. It was still a weird experience. I want to play with the Ouija board again.

I am currently sitting in the living room of my grandparents. Earlier today Lila (my mom) told me "that dress is a little to short, people your age to wear that" "when you bend over I can see your ass" "I bet you would wear that in public too" and gave me a dirty look. It is not even that short, and if it was I would not wear it because I am self conscious of my body already, why would I try to show it off. I am too skinny, and I hate when people point that out. I have a very fast metabolism, and I can not help it. I wish I could gain weight.

I am just excited to decorate my house for Christmas. Monica and Bella are still here, they are staying the night again and then I'm going to Bella's thanksgiving and staying at hers and then going to Monica's for thanksgiving Friday. I love them to death, they are my best friends. we are going to put up my Christmas tree and put on the decorations, even though they are old and rustic because Lila thinks it's cute. I really wish I could get big red and green bulbs like traditional Christmas trees. it makes me depressed. I love Christmas music, and so not to be so depressed about the tree I play the music and act as if I am not dressing the tree like it's homeless.

I am going to finish decorating my room soon. I have pictures of my friends on it, but not a lot of recent photos. And there is not that many photos, so sooner or later I am going to go to Walmart and print out pictures from my phone and hang they up. Also, one side of my bedroom just has a bunch of my drawings on it, and currently after I finishing typing this I am going to draw more so I can fill it up. My other friends are artistic too, so maybe they can put some of their drawings on it too. I would like that.

Monica and Bella helped me set up the tree. It took us forever, and it was mostly Monica. She yelled a lot, but eventually we got the tree up. It had too much weight on one side so we had to put a deck of cards under one side. I find it pretty funny. Lila spends too much money on fake dumb trees and star decorations off amazon to decorate our fully covered house. We do not have money for the bills, and we do not have money for another Christmas tree.

I felt really pretty today until Lila said that comment.

I really like dogs, they make me really happy. Shiba inu puppies are absolutely adorable. and so are huskies. one time, Monica and I impulsively bought a hamster and named it "Commander Death Star" we were not a lot the hamster, but bought it anyways. we had to give it away, and it turns out the hamster was actually a girl, had six babies, ate three of them and then it ran into the woods. R.I.P Commander Death Star.

I really want a hedge hog. I think they are really cute weirdly, and I have room in my room for him or her. I really do not care about the gender, I just really want one. But Lila would rather slice her throat open before there is another pet in the house. She would let me get a goldfish, but goldfish are boring, and I would forget to feed them all the time. I am not home a lot anyways. I heard that if you leave a goldfish in a dark room for a long time it turns white. I am not sure if that is true, but it would be cool to try it out. But I am too impatient and I would get bored. 

I don't have much to say, but I'm really not looking forward to going to school Monday. I'm just glad I get to dog sit all next week.

I don't know how to fix myself. I feel so depressed and just so low I do not think anyone can help me. I just wish I was happy. the little things bother me completely, and I don't know how to change that. I get irritated really easily, and I just get bothered by everything a person does. I get so down and I don't talk to people and they can tell I am down but they do not say anything about it because they know I am not going to say anything. I do not wanna go to my friends thanksgiving because I just wanna lay in my bed all day, not talk to anybody and just cry. I just wish my attitude will not put them down too. I hate seeing my friends down, especially if it is my fault. I feel like such a horrible friend.

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