Safety is Relative

Chapter Thirty Four - The Stain of Guilt

Long time no see.... AGAIN. :)

This delay was due to a number of things. One, working out the ending and tying up the loose ends (or, deciding which ones could pass over to a sequel). Two, I'm applying to Uni this year and so I really had to focus on working hard. But I'm done with that now, so I can focus on getting SIR wrapped up and beautiful like a present.

So on that train of thought, down below is your belated Christmas present. Happy December, and thanks for reading this!

This is probably the update that has taken me longest to write. I've spent a solid five hours writing and editing the second (I tell a lie- it's more like the 423rd) draft today, but I feel it's worth it. Because it's a solid chapter of NUE, people! Oh yes, I can hear the cheering.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Please comment your thoughts afterwards- especially those of you who, like Rue, have been missing our Nateykins dreadfully! :) xxx

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The vampires are being held on the same level as the Interrogation Chamber. They have all been separated, split up, and locked in different cells along a single corridor. There are no windows, and no signs- the only extraneous decoration are the numbers painted on the doors.

We stop outside Number Six.

‘Mr Hedley, wait here with your daughter until we call you in,’ says Mrs Lowe imperiously.

Dad nods, his hand finding mine.

She produces a card from her bag, and swipes it against the wall. There is the sound of a lock clicking back, and then she opens the door, revealing a plain, white room beyond. I look away before I see anything else, unwilling to see what awaits me in there.

The rest of the slayers file in after her- the majority of the Council, with the exception of Nina and her parents, who were dismissed by Mrs Lowe as soon as the questioning ended.

I can do this. I have to do this.

‘Bring her over, Mr Hedley,’ calls out Mrs Lowe.

Dad nods, his face unreadable, and leads me over to the table. I allow myself to be escorted by my father, feeling his strong, warm hand in mine. I know that he is willing to me to pass this final test, willing that I am still as vulnerably blank and mindless as I have pretended. I hold my head high and I do not hesitate, matching my pace to his. I do allow his body to shield the path ahead though, and I keep my eyes fixed downwards, because I really do not want to see this. Not now, not ever. I want this short walk into the cell to never end, because I cannot imagine what awaits me at the end of it. I don’t want to imagine it, although I can’t stop my head being filled by more and more awful pictures. I am not prepared, not in the least. My brain is frantic, churning and panic-stricken, with all of my collected planning and cunning from before completely disintegrating in the face of one simple thought which cycles endlessly around:

I am about to see him.

I must not react. I must not show any sign. That moment, that second when I first see him, will be the most crucial. There must be no momentary shock, no momentary guilt, no momentary pain.

I must pretend that he means absolutely nothing to me.

Each step I take is a countdown to that moment, and the numbers are flicking downwards too fast, too frighteningly sudden.  I am going to betray myself, I know I am. And I mustn’t do that, because I am not only dooming myself, but my family, and Nate. They need me to pass this test. They are counting on me to pass this test. But it is the one test that I know I will fail.