Fibre Mortem: Rhesus Factor

21

I check his blood pressure again just to make sure, but, honestly if I were telling the truth I was stalling. This was a big moment, and he stands there patiently waiting, staring me down and silently pleading for me to end the torment.

"Well, Nathan. I'm giving you a clean bill of health. That means you are cleared to leave the glass room you've been calling home for the last month or two," I smile.

Nate fist pumps the air, picks me up in a bear hug and spins us around, he goes to give me a smack on the lips with his but I shove his face away at the last second, "What am I, a sack of potatoes? Put my ass down Nathan."

Sheepishly he sets me down, "You don't understand just how excited I am for this moment. One day I'm dying and then? I still can't believe this is real life."

I punch him the shoulder, "Well you better believe it, and get used to working again because today my dad has you scavenging."

After showing my dad Nathan's blood samples and then again when the virus was no longer visible under the scope he wanted him cleared for duty. We needed someone like Reese and for some reason, my dad thought Nathan fit the bill.

Nathan would never fit the bill, bitterly I looked over to where Reese lie, he hadn't moved in three days and I knew that wasn't a good sign. My heart ached every time I came to the lab to see my once vibrant, sarcastic Reese silent and unconscious.

I cried a lot in our room when I had no choice but to be there. I missed him and no one would fill that void for me.

I tried to keep my mind busy by either teaching Lou or working vigorously for a vaccine. i had to give this my all, I couldn't walk away from Reese without saying that I'd tried hard. I couldn't.

I snap out of my thoughts, "What?" I blink back tears I hadn't realized were starting to form.

Nathan touches my shoulder, trying to comfort me, "He's going to be okay. You said it yourself he has the same blood type as me."

"I said he might be okay because he has the same blood type Nate but the truth is, you could very well be a damn anomaly in all of this. You could be the exception," I say dryly and it causes Nathan to flinch slightly.

I'm a little bitter, that's a lie, I'm a lot bitter. I want to blame Reese for killing my mom, I want to curse the higher powers that be that Reese is dying. I blame Nathan for being the only one to have survived this. Why couldn't it have been Reese instead?

I blame myself for not being able to find a vaccine yet because I more than anything want to fix Reese. It feels like a huge piece of me is dying right with him and maybe it is. A part of admits that I'm in love with Reese and that when he dies, I'll never be the same. Mostly, I'm afraid of admitting that because it makes me feel week.

Nathan leaves shortly after that, and I'm left alone again with Reese. I go to his cell and sit there for a few moments, holding his hand that feels like it's been in an inferno. I stroke his sweaty cheek and he groans but doesn't do anything more.

I lean in and whisper, "I promise Reese, I'm trying as hard as I can. Please--", I choke mid sentence because I just can't keep it together, this is all getting too much to bear, "Please Reese, Please try hard for me. Come back to me, I need you now more than ever. Don't you dare die on me you son-of-a-bitch."

I shoot up out of the chair and suck in a deep breath, my hand shakes as I reach up to wipe the fresh tears from my eyes, refusing to let them fall. My father offered to step in for me and take care of Reese but I refused.

My dad was needed elsewhere, and I didn't want to leave Reese.

The thing was, I was lost. I didn't know where to go because Reese wasn't handling the virus like Nathan had. He hadn't really hit the coma stage which was great, but he wasn't handling it well at all. I couldn't give him what I hoped was the vaccine because he had a strong, living virus rampaging his body as it was. No, I didn't know what to do here and I had nothing to go off of to see if it would help."

I kicked the trash bin in frustration. I needed to take my anger out on something or someone. I couldn't leave Reese alone so I was stuck here. I'd just have to take my anger out like I used to, I'd have to learn it out.

I'd no sooner sat down when the sound I dreaded the most alerted me. Reese was slipping away.

"No, No, NO God dammit!" I ran back over to him, panicking.

I couldn't give CPR and I knew shocking his system with the panels would only be a temporary fix. I wanted to curse my fucking father for the stupid ass rule he had in place. Involuntary DNR was what this was, Reese didn't sign up for that. I DIDN'T sign up for that and I wasn't about to just walk away.

So, I did what I'd been doing all along. I rebelled against my father and broke the fucking rules.

I ran around gathering the supplies I needed for ECMO, hoping I could do it fast enough before Reese's heart gave out. I'd just finished throwing the sanitation kit on the tray when he flatlined.

"Not today, you don't get to die on me today Reese. We aren't finished, do you hear me?! You're not leaving me!" I keyed up the paddles and hit him with them.

Immediately a heartbeat showed on the monitor, one blip but nothing more so I paddled him again and pushed Epi.

This time the blip on the monitor stayed, but it was slow. I'd have to work fast if I was going to do what Mary had done for Nathan.

I quickly placed the tubes into his carotid and jugular veins and flipped the machine on, I was a little nervous doing this since I'd no prior experience as Mary had since she had been a nurse before the apocalypse but I did it because I had no other choice.

Immediately the machine began to whir and circulate blood around. I saw Reese slowly start to pinken up, the machines keeping him alive when his body couldn't. When I was comfortable enough to leave him, I rushed to find Nathan, hoping against all odds that he hadn't left yet.

i ran straight to the elevator where I knew where Nate would more than likely be.

"NATHAN!' I called out with my hand outstretched to stop him.

He turned and jumped down, hearing the urgency in my voice, "What it is Doll?"

"No time to explain, just please, please stop what you're doing and come with me."

"Liv, can this wait, I'm about to--'

I grab him by the shoulders to get his attention, "No, please don't make me cry. Please just--' I didn't finish because he was already walking toward the lab.

When we got there, Nathan took in what he was seeing and whistled. Turning to me, "Your dad is going to be so pissed when he finds out Liv."

"Yeah well, I don't rightly give a fuck. He can't expect me to say goodbye to Reese when he couldn't even say good bye to my mom. He doesn't get to make that call for me. I need you to roll up your sleeve."

"What? Why?"

"Because we're about to give Reese a blood transfusion and you're the only obvious choice to get blood from," I start pulling out stuff from the kit and prepping his arm but he shirks away from me.

"Liv, I can't do that."

"Yes the fuck you can," I get bitchy with him.

"No, I can't. What about the virus? What if?"

"I didn't see anyone saying 'what if' when you were fucking dying, now did I? If you even care just a little for me, you'll do this or I'll never forgive you for killing Reese." Oh yeah, I just stooped to ultimatums.

Nate's eyes turn to slits, oh shit. This may backfire on me I think but then he smiles.

"Okay, Princess," he sneers, "I'll do this but when Reese is better, YOU have to end it and be with me."

I stand there, shocked. Apparently Nate felt that two could play that game. I don't have much time to decide either, because ECMO wasn't meant to last long, actually it wasn't really meant to last on patients over the age of twelve, so I have to decide quick.

My heart breaks inside my chest, because I can't not save Reese and if I do save him, I'm going to kill him by breaking his fuckiing heart into pieces.

With tears in my eyes,and through gritted teeth I say, "Deal."

It's in this moment I realize that I love Reese and I'll never be able to tell him. I'll regret not doing it sooner for however many years I have left on this earth.