Fibre Mortem: Rhesus Factor

22

I'm in Reese's room, not the one he's currently been calling home, I'm in the one I use to call ours. It's no longer "ours", though and it cuts deeper than a knife knowing I'm not going to be spending my time in here anymore, or wrapped in his arms ever again. I sigh as I close the door and make my way to the lab.

I have Nate to thank for that. I hate him, I hate him more than I hate my dad. It's partly because of his ultimatum, I can't hate him fully for that, no..I walked into that one. I hate him because he knows that even though my heart is breaking, no matter how much it hurts, he knows that I am sexually attracted him, look what happened before Reese and I got together.

I hate him most for hurting Reese. I'll live, no matter what happens, I can go on. But Reese? Reese didn't ask for any of this and I know it's going to kill him knowing that I'm with Nate.

Dean is pissed at me. He kept telling me I could and should back out of the deal, that Nate needed to get over himself. I'm a woman of my word and I told Dean pretty much that Reese is still getting blood transfusions to help switch his T cells and that I can't back out without possibly killing Reese. He hasn't spoken to me in three days because of it.

Reese still hasn't woken up. His vitals improve a little each day but it's not nearly as fast as Nate's. Every day that passes, the pain in my chest lessens but the anxiety of telling him when he does finally wake grows.

I still find myself holding his hand on occasion and sometimes I talk to him because I still care for him and because I'm not fully ready to let go. I don't think I'll ever be.

I'm working on Nate's weakened virus sample when he stirs.

I rush over to help him sit up. He's groggy, but what he says next as my heart filling with humor. "Princess, I'd kiss you but I have the worst cotton mouth that probably smells like a two-week old unwiped asshole. Can I have water?"

I nod, my eyes filling with tears. "I have to check your vitals but after I promise, you can have whatever you want."

"Whatever I want, huh? What if that's something...uh of another kind of hunger?"

I smack him playfully and he winces, but we both laugh until I remember that this happiness is only temporary. I sober, stiff and suddenly indifferent. I have to be, I have to pretend like I don't care anymore.

"Hey, I realize my joke was a little inappropriate given the timing, but you could act happy to see me." He's noticed immediately the change in my demeanor and there's no way I can keep a strong face doing this.

I have tears in my eyes when I finish taking his vitals and by the time I've gotten him a water bottle, I'm full on crying.

He looks at me tenderly and tries to brush one of my stray hairs out of my face but I move away from his touch. I'm suddenly sick with myself, disgusted that Nate's chosen to hurt me, hurt us like this. My movement doesn't go unnoticed.

Reese sets his bottle down, "Okay, I can see how this is going to go. Look, I realize that I killed your mom. I know that's a shitty to deal with but you don't know how incredibly sorry I am Liv. I never intended to kill her, I just, everything was happening so fast." He trails off not knowing what to say after that.

I use this to my advantage. Truth was, I would never have blamed him, I knew it wasn't his fault and I knew that if I'd been in the same situation I would have done the same thing with no regrets. I'll miss my mom, but I know Reese isn't to blame for that.

Even though I don't blame him, I lie through my fucking teeth in these next moments. "Yeah well, that might be true for you but it's not going to bring her back now is it? I've done my part, you're alive but I can't ever look at you the same after this Reese."