Over And Over Again // Alan Ashby

Were All Made Just A Little Bit Broken

Drew's pov

I creaked my eyes open, immediately regretting it. The piercing rays of 10 am were punching me right in the face. I sat up, pleased to know I was alone. I clothed my naked body in yesterday's attire and crept out of the room. A note laid on the filthy counter.

It read 'thanks for that, babe;) making a sale. I expect you to be gone by the time I get back. Ps. I left a present in your shoe;)' in messy writing.

I walked over to my converse, grabbing one and flipping it upside down. I was half expecting dog shit to fall out, but a bag of powder fell into my bony hands.

I slipped on my now empty shoes and scurried out the door. I had only walked about a half block when I stopped dead in my tracks.

Where was I going? I couldn't go back, Alan probably told everyone. They most likely despise me for lying to them.

So I booked a flight to the last place I pictured myself going. The exact place I've been avoiding for years.

Home, hell, London.

-----

(A year later)

Alan's POV

"No, you gotta slide into the next chord dude."

Kyle, our new guitarist, was annoying the shit out of me. Since Drew left, I became lead guitarist and Kyle was rhythmic. But he wasn't nearly as good as we needed him to be. But on such short notice, he was the best we could do.

We had just started our UK tour, we're playing in London tonight. We hadn't released any new music since she left, she's always been a massive contributor in our song writing and producing; even before she was in the band.

We don't really talk about her much now.... It just brings up unsettled memories, blowing the dust back into the air for everyone to choke on.

But that doesn't stop me from thinking about her.

I like to think that she quit using, and went back to school and accomplished the things she never did all those years ago.

I like to think she's settled down, maybe fell in love with a good guy; someone to treat her the way she deserves. A guy who'd make her breakfast in bed. Scrambled egg whites (she hates yolks), 2 pieces of toast with either peanut butter or jam, (never both),a big glass of orange juice (with pulp) and a bunch of red grapes.

A guy who'd laugh at her lame puns.

A guy who'd take her book shopping (weekly).

A guy who'd never complain about her 2am solo jam sessions.

A guy who'd give her everything I never got the chance too, and probably never will.

As much as I'd like to think these things, a large part of me knows that it's probably the polar opposite. No breakfast in bed, probably no breakfast at all.

I hope I'll meet her again some day, would she recognize me? Would I recognize her? I can only hope th-

"Hello? Earth to ginger..."

I snap back to reality, Kyle is staring at me with an awkward expression. I shift in my seat.

"Right, so where were we?"

-

The show went ok.

Kyle fucked up a few times but it wasn't that big of a deal. We were now entering the hotel we'd be staying in. I was lucky enough to get my own room.

I sat on a stiff chair that was placed in front of a window. I looked out at the shining lights of London. Drew was born and raised here.

Just like that, I was thinking about her again. I wonder if the others think about her as much as I do.

Regardless to say I got next to no sleep that night.

-

Drew's POV

"How much did ya get?"

I sighed, emptying out my 'clothing'

"uhm.. About 60 I think." I replied.

"I got 90" Elizabeth boasted as she strode in to the poor excuse of a dressing room.

I sat down at my mirror, fluffing my hair a little. My face was coated in makeup, my hair was frizzy and unkempt.

I removed my makeup and put on some clothes. My shift was over. ( http://www.polyvore.com/it_all_fades/set?id=106489344 ).

I stepped out the back, instantly slapped by cold London air. I scurried down the side walk, clouds of my breath billowing out of my mouth. I avoiding stepping on the cracks, not because of superstition, but because it was something to do. I approached my apartment and pushed open the doors that lead to the lobby.

My apartment was shit to say the least. But working as a stripper, this was all I could afford. 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom, and a kitchen. Not that I really needed anything more. I threw myself onto the bed and looked out my window; I had an amazing view of London.

I grabbed my phone and decided to make my daily creeper rounds. I went to my twitter app and went through my feed. I still receive loads of tweets regarding my sudden departure from Of Mice And Men, to which I've never answered. The truth is, I don't really know why I left. I could've stayed with my friends, recovered, stayed successful. But I chose to live in a small apartment, working as a fucking stripper. I haven't even seen a guitar since I've left.

I haven't gotten any better with my addiction either, if anything it's gotten worse. Opposed to a single shot of heroin a day, I sometimes have two and the odd line of coke. What a way to live.

I think about the guys a lot though. They haven't been doing much musically since I left, which makes me feel pretty guilty. They've got a new guitarist already and have been doing pretty well as far as touring goes.

As much as I hate to admit it, I miss them so fucking much.

Austin's little snorts he releases when he laughs.

Aaron's quick thinking and sarcastic humour.

Tino's constant smile and ear piercing teeth whistles.

And Alan's flaming hair and acute sense of humour.

I physically ache when I think about them. Part of me wants nothing more than to run back, but they've clearly moved on. I doubt I even cross their minds.

I looked back down at my phone, I was about to turn it off when a tweet caught my eye.

'Thanks London, you were great! We have another gig here tomorrow, then we're off to Ireland!'

Austin Carlile.

My heart pounded. They were here. I began to panic, what if they found me? They must be furious that I just left like that.

I tried to keep my mind off them, I messed around with my twitter profile, changing my picture and stuff but I couldn't stop thinking about them.

I walked into my kitchen, deciding what to eat. I grabbed some vegetables and a knife, choosing to just make a salad. I started slicing the cucumber.

Me and Alan once put a cucumber in Austin's mouth whilst he was asleep.

A slight smile played at my lips, my mind began to wander and the next thing I knew there was blood everywhere.

I looked down at the cut on my finger, but I didn't feel pain. I felt strangely good. I brought the knife to my wrist and watched the blood flow. That's when I lost it. I cut everything. My mind was occupied and I didn't think about the guys or my life. I just thought about the blood.

And soon enough, there wasn't an inch on my body that wasn't cut, besides my face of course. The floor and the walls all had crimson liquid on them and I knew that I wouldn't be able to get the blood out of the carpet.

But the thing is, I didn't care.

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