Make Me

»awakening

Darkness, blankness, emotionless. Those three words described me right now. Weeks passed since the night of the party and I never stopped having these scary and unbearable thoughts of how it could have went if Stiles didn't interrupt him. I skipped classes, started smoking and listened to Twenty One Pilots for days. I didn't shower, change and react to anything. Angela never gave up, she will try to make salads, talk to me and hide my cigarette packets. But who could blame me? I didn't really feel like doing anything; I was even too weak to suicide because I felt like I would rather rot in my parent's stupid, luxurious mansion. My mind will always go to Allison. Allison, my best friend. The one that I swore to I would always be with and protect from anyone. The one I thought I will never loose because she was my other half. She never called, came to see me or even texted me. I didn't try to either, my WhatsApp told me that she wasn't online for one month already; she always used Whatsapp I thought to myself while I checked on her information everyday.

Part of my started recollecting the blurred memories and images of what happened that felt like years ago. I realized why I came to that exact house; it's was Stiles's. Even if I don't know Stiles now, I knew his younger 13-14 year old self, we were once friends.

"Are you serious? No it can't be," said Stiles as I handed him GTA 5 on his birthday, July 23rd. It was a warm day, and the sun was making everything looks brighter. The sky was clear blue, little kids with colorful clothing were jumping and running around the playground; screaming whenever they got tagged and laughed when somebody else will be the It. We were the only teenagers, swinging on the swings and looking at the scenery.

Stiles was looking at the game like it was some treasure he found in an exotic island. His beautiful brown eyes would glisten in the sunshine and his dimples will form whenever he will look up at me and smile, repeating the same words: thank you.

I would just laugh and tell him to shut up already, and give me my promised free coffee (black with no sugar). He would roll his eyes, take my small hand into his, and lead me to the nearest decent looking cafe; where we would sit and talk for hours about nothing for particular. The moment that I remember so vividly is when he kissed me in the end of that exact same day, telling me to never forget him. I didn't understand those words because I was in complete shock, but now I knew why: he was leaving this country.

Of course Stiles came back a few years later completely changed, new face, new clothes, new attitude, new person. When he first saw me, he looked at me as if I was a stranger. A person he never knew, a person who he didn't kiss before he left. I recall crying that day because of that, and Allison would take me on her lap and soothingly trace small circles on the back of my hand.

"Stiles isn't worth it," she told me, and this is why she was mad at me when she saw me in my house with him. She thought that she will be replaced, that I'm one of those girls who fall for the looks and not for the heart. I thought she knew me.

I scoffed and stood up from my messy bed; my room smelled like smoke and pizza, which wasn't that pleasant but I already got used to it. Joy wouldn't come to my room any more, probably because I don't feed her that much as I am supposed to. Who cares? I opened the window and breathed in fresh air, it was nearly summer, and high school will come to its end. I closed my eyes and tried to hold my breath, partly because I was bored and the other half because I tried to kill myself so I won't take the exams which are coming up.

"Fuck it," I muttered and went to take a shower after weeks and weeks of just moping around. Nobody will help you Lydia, it's your life, lead it.

Having a long, hot shower made me think about what I should do next. Should I go to Allison's house and ask her what the hell happened? Should I go and take a walk in the park? Should I clean up my room? Should I finally feed Joy? What the hell should I do?

I went out of the toilet while drying up my tangled hair with a towel and went to take my notebook where I list my to-do's.

-Clean up your room it stinks
-Feed Joy
-Phone Allison if she wants to meet up
-Get out of the house you lazy ass

I looked at my list in admiration and smiled for the first time, it felt as if my body needed it.

I unplugged my phone from its charger and dialed my friend's number; after 3 rings my call went straight to voice mail and I threw my phone on my bed with an exaggerated sigh.

"If she doesn't want to talk, fine," I said to myself and went to get ready to go outside for a walk in our nearby forest.

I hastily chose the first things that I saw in my closet: a black pair of ripped jeans and a white T-Shirt saying "lol you're not Captain America". I didn't put any makeup because I didn't want to, what's the reason of putting on makeup? Your face is already beautiful you don't need to put a fake one on top of it.

When I passed the kitchen, Joy ran up to me and bit my leg making me laugh and shake her off.

"Joy you're an annoying piece of shit, but I love you," I told her as I went down on my knees, letting her crawl up on them and purr.

"There, there. Did you miss your mommy?" I cooed at her and scratched her behind her ears.  15 minutes passed and finally Joy left leaving me happy and with cat fur everywhere. I silently smiled to myself and went towards the door, just as it was getting knocked.

I furrowed my eyebrows, Angela won't be here for another hour and I didn't order any pizzas. "Who is it?" I screamed through the door away and I could hear a reply back,

"Lyds, it's me, Stiles open the goddamn door," said Stiles. I rolled my eyes and opened the door.

He was flawless and beautiful as always; light blue jeans, a white T-shirt and his infamous red converse.

He smiled at me and I gave him a small smile back. The light shown on his eyes, making them look livelier and more beautiful than ever. I blushed and bit my lip, realizing that he noticed and he came closer to me; we were nearly touching. His face came down to my ear and I could feel his warmth radiate from him to me, I could hear his breathing and I realized that he wanted to tell me something. And all he said was,

"Lydia, I love you."

***

hey hey hey! I missed writing in this book but so much things changed and it's crazy.
I hope that you guys enjoyed this little filler,
I'm thinking of writing 2 more chapters and this book will finally come to its end,
Thank you for anyone who stayed through this crazy piece of journey that I wrote.

I love you guys, stay healthy and hydrated <3
shah