Loving You

chapter seventeen

Durdanah grabbed Yusuf's wallet and took the picture out, surprising Yusuf at how unlike her this was.

The longer she stared at the picture, the more she froze in place. It couldn't be. There was no way this was Rania. No way.

Rania didn't look like that. Rania was beautiful.

This woman. This woman with her huge eyes coming out of her sockets, and bony skin and bloodshot eyes and scraggly hair was not Rania. It was not the Rania she knew.

Durdanah moved away from Yusuf abruptly, her movements jerky and stiff. Her fingers trembled as she struggled to hold the photo.

Yusuf seemed taken aback and tried to console her, "hey, hey Duri, you okay?" As his eyes met hers, he couldn't help but feel unnerved. The look she was giving him was that of fear and he hated it. Why was she suddenly looking at him like that? It wasn't from a place of jealousy. Rather Durdanah was looking at him with disgust? Suspicion? Betrayal? A combination of all three?

Petrified.

She was petrified.

Durdanah was petrified because Rania looked as if she'd had an Arham in her life, and not a Yusuf.

Durdanah eyed the photo one more time, and cautiously looked back at the man before her. He ... he couldn't have, right? 

Yusuf wasn't Arham. He wasn't an Arham. He couldn't be. Yusuf couldn't hurt a fly. Besides, he didn't just love Rania. He treasured her. That was the one thing that had always remained constant in their lives. Ever since Durdanah had met him, he had only had eyes for one woman – Rania. She was his first love and it looked like she would be his last too. 

But Rania in that picture reminded too much of herself. she looked like a shell of who she was in that photo. Durdanah didn't like it one bit. If it wasn't Yusuf, who or what had been the Arham in Rania's life? 

Rania's eyes seemed to be screaming for help. How had Yusuf been so oblivious?

"Durdanah, is everything okay? What happened?"

 Yusuf looked at her worriedly from afar, and carefully picked his words, afraid he'd say the wrong thing. Durdanah looked up at him, her eyes had begun to pool tears that would spill the moment they met his.

About to answer, Durdanah quickly changed her mind, swiftly wiping away her tears. She wouldn't rely on him tonight. "Are .. are you okay?" She asked him instead, realizing that she constantly shared and shared, spilling every little detail the moment he asked if she was okay but she had never bothered to ask him.

Yusuf was taken aback by the question. He hadn't been asked if he was okay in so long now but chose not to answer now that he was. He himself didn't know the answer to that question, so how was he supposed to tell someone else?

"Hey, Yusuf. You - you took care of my friend right? Rania was happy with you right? You didn't .. you didn't do anything you shouldn't have right?" Durdanah asked quietly, her voice just that above of a whisper.

Yusuf was appalled to say the least. He couldn't believe the words he was hearing. How could she have ever thought that he would do anything so despicable to his Rania? How could she have even ask him this? 

More importantly, why was she asking him this?

"No. We were happy together, at least I was." he answered curtly. 

Oh no.

Durdanah could tell that he was upset with her but she didn't intend to hurt him. She knew that Yusuf wasn't a bad person. Durdanah hated herself for it but she hated men, and she couldn't help but even be skeptical of Yusuf. He was far too nice. Suspiciously nice.

Done with the conversation, Yusuf got up and just before he left, threw a glance Durdanah's way, and muttered underneath his breath, "I'm not your ex."

As the words left his mouth, Yusuf instantly regretted them. Her breath hitched and Durdanah had drawn back, her head low as she mumbled a meek apology. 

Yusuf regretted what he'd said but his pride stopped him from apologizing. He was still angry that Durdanah would ever even think that he was capable of Arham's debauchery and atrocities. Yusuf was a lot of things. He was filled to the brim with flaws. His selfishness. His impatience. His inability to understand the other point of view. But Yusuf was not a bad person. He knew that. He didn't regret a single thing when Rania left him because he knew he loved her as a man should love a woman — selflessly, patiently and understandingly. 

Yusuf knew he'd overreacted to Durdanah's questions but he couldn't help it. Rania was his weakness, and deep down Yusuf had always wondered if she left because of him. Yusuf knew he was never good enough for anyone, and Durdanah's questions had poked at that insecurity. 

Other people thought it was me too.

"It wasn't me," He whispered. It was Rania. She chose to leave. So, why did everyone think he did something? Why did everyone blame him for her decision? He didn't make her leave. Everyone just blamed him because Rania was perfect, and he was anything but. Of course Rania could do no wrong, even in Durdanah's eyes.

All this time, Durdanah hadn't been looking at him as a friend, but she'd thought of him as some sort of animal and had remained wary of him.  Yusuf knew he was being unreasonable and that he should apologize to Durdanah, but a part of him had wanted to hurt her because she'd hurt him with her accusing eyes. 

Durdanah looked at him like a deer that eyes a lion just before it decides to run. He hated how she looked at him, and associated him with the monster of a man that was her ex husband. 

Durdanah wanted to apologize to him. She knew she shouldn't have asked that, but Yusuf shouldn't have mentioned Arham. He overreacted and Durdanah suddenly didn't want to talk to him anymore, now that she was aware of his ability to pierce someone with just a couple of words.

Suddenly, a piercing scream rang through the apartment pulling Yusuf and Durdanah out of their thoughts.