that thing called cancer · phan

one

before all this happened, dan met phil.

phil was working at a coffee shop and dan was a customer. it was obvious that both of them were interested as they were staring.

phil asked for dan's number, and they hit it off. even though dan was now eighteen and phil was twenty-two, everyone was happy. even both of their parents supported them when they started dating.

but then, cancer.

after dan was diagnosed and was allowed to go home, he called phil. this would be hard.

"hey, dan," phil answered, "what's up?"

"hi, phil," dan gulped, "i have some... not so great news."

"what is it, babe?"

dan's heart jumped in his chest, "i have cancer."

it was silent for a few moments, "what?"

"i have leukemia, phil," dan said, starting to cry.

it was silent for a short moment, then a small sob broke through the line, causing dan's heart to shatter.

"i'm coming over," phil said. then he hung up.

dan covered his mouth with one hand, fighting back tears, while the other still held his phone.

within five minutes, the doorbell rang. his mum answered it.

phil walked up the stairs to dan's room and knocked lightly, "danny?" he softly called.

"come in," dan said, his voice still shaky.

phil opened the door and damn did he look beautiful. his black hair messy and his glasses on, his blue, green, yellow eyes filled with worry at the sight of dan's still teary eyes.

he wore a black shirt and his cookie monster pajama pants. he also wore mismatched socks under his favorite white shoes.

the sight of dan just tore him apart. he rushed toward dan and kissed every inch of his face, "i'm so sorry," phil said, continuing to kiss him.

"it's okay," dan said weakly, "there's nothing i can do about it."

"i know, baby," phil said, sitting down next to dan, holding him in his arms, "i know."

it wasn't long before dan burst into tears for the millionth time that day. phil just held the sobbing boy in his lap as he, too, lost a few tears.

"why does it have to be me?" dan cried, burying his face in his boyfriend's shoulder.

"i don't know," phil whispered, "i wish it wasn't you. you don't deserve this. you just have to keep your head up, alright? please."

"i will, phil," dan said, "i promise."

"good," phil kissed dan's forehead.

"boys!" dan's mother called from the kitchen, "lunch is ready!"

dan climbed off of phil's lap and wiped his eyes. he took phil's hand and dragged him to his feet, "coming!" dan said, running down the stairs with phil following close behind.

"what's for lunch, mum?" dan asked, taking a seat at the breakfast bar with phil.

"macaroni and cheese, and sandwiches," she answered with a smile, "i hope that's alright with you, phil."

"it sounds perfect," phil smiled as she handed he and dan a plate.

"thanks, mum," dan said softly.

"you're welcome, baby," she said, pushing a few stray hairs back on his head, an unreadable expression on her face.

as they ate, phil and dan made small conversation, both of them not wanting to address the elephant in the room.

"so," phil said, pushing away his plate after he was finished eating, "what are we gonna do?"

"what do you mean?"

"what are we gonna do, about this cancer thing," he clarified.

"oh," dan said, "i don't know... the doctor said that it's getting worse, i've had it for about two weeks to a month. we're starting chemotherapy in a week or so."

"well, let's hope that helps," phil said, giving dan a small reassuring smile, "you're gonna be okay."

after lunch, they went back up to dan's room and watched a movie. they lied down in dan's bed together. phil played with dan's hair while dan intently watched the film.

-----

once the movie ended, phil could've sworn dan was asleep, until he heard him ask a question.

"do you love me, phil?" dan asked softly.

phil breathed. they had been dating for about half a year, and they hadn't said their "i love you"s yet. but, phil loved dan. he really did.

"you're the only person i ever want to be around, and i don't know what i'd do without you, especially now," phil began, "so yes, dan howell. i love you."

"i love you, too," dan smiled, "and because of all of this, i'm terrified of leaving you."

"you're not going to leave," he said, "we're going to fight this thing. we're gonna get through this."

even though dan was beaming and he wanted to stay, he wasn't so sure.

/a/n (josh) dun dun dUN DUNNNNN

:o

o shit waddup

(also thank u so much for all of the nice comments in the last chapter! i love u guys!)

-emi