that thing called cancer · phan

two

"can you stay the night?" dan asked as phil was about to leave.

"yeah, i can," phil said, "do you want to come with me? i need to get some stuff from home."

"is it okay if i stay here and wait for you to come back?" dan said, "i just don't want anything to happen, y'know?"

phil nodded, "alright. i'll be back in twenty."

dan smiled and outstretched his arms. phil closed the gap and hugged the younger boy tightly, "i love you."

"i love you, too."

so phil left, and he came back within about twenty minutes as promised. when he returned, dan had put on a movie and they cuddled until they fell asleep.

-----

dan awoke in the middle of the night again, in phil's arms. he felt as if he couldn't breathe. he hated feeling like this.

he looked around and shook phil awake. dan was crying.

"dan?" phil asked tiredly, then noticed his boyfriend's state of being.

"dan?!" he said. phil was crying now, too, "baby? it's gonna be okay."

phil got up, frantically put on his glasses, "it'll be okay, danny," he picked him up and left the house quickly.

-----

a few minutes after they got in the car, dan could breathe well again. he felt fine.

"philly?" dan said.

"yeah?"

"i can breathe again," he said softly, "i'm okay."

"do you want to turn around?" phil said.

"well i don't really have a problem anymore," dan said, "sorry."

"it's okay, dan," phil said, finding a place to make a u-turn, "i just want you to be okay."

"me too."

-----

they got back to dan's flat and went back to his room. phil took off his glasses and he and dan lay down.

"i'm sorry, phil," dan said, only a whisper.

phil kissed his boyfriend's cheek, "don't be. you didn't ask to have this."

dan frowned.

phil sighed, taking in dan's appearance. even though it was slightly blurry, he was still gorgeous, "you don't deserve this."

"no one does."

-----

at nine-thirty a.m., phil woke up. he sighed, looked at dan, and frowned. he couldn't comprehend that someone as amazing as dan had to go through the terminal illness.

sure, he hadn't had it long, but it'd already caused so many problems.

phil hated the world sometimes.

phil thought about all of the unfortunate things in life and a half an hour had passed before dan woke up.

he stirred in his sleep, stopping phil's thoughts. phil went to play with dan's hair.

"morning," phil said softly, a small smile playing on the sides of his mouth. he kissed dan's forehead.

"good morning," dan said, "i want to wake up like this everyday."

"me too," phil said, "i love waking up to see you. sometimes you're the only reason i get up in the morning."

and i know one day i won't be able to see you anymore, phil almost wanted to say, but he didn't. he wanted to have faith in dan and in the chemotherapy and in the treatments, but he didn't. he didn't know a lot of things, and he hated that.