Without A Voice (Based On A True Story)

From Bad to Worse

Life was great so far. I was in a loving family, with a brand new brother just born. John and I grew more distant as he gained friends and start soccer season. This was okay, though. I was about to start preschool and start soccer myself. I was finally old enough to start school and socialize. I felt like my life was finally starting at this moment. However, the world I was looking so forward to was about to come crumbling down. 

I was in preschool for about a week and already didn't fit in. Little was I aware that the main tool in socializing was being able to speak. My mother failed to mention that I had a disability, but I feel it was a testing period; actually, it was a test. She wanted to see if I can handle the real world being a deaf kid, and Father just went along with it. Considering I could read at two years old, I could see where she came from. Anyway, the other kids did not want to interact with me. I couldn't respond to my classmates' statements, thinking I was weird or too dumb to respond. My classmates, with their short attention spans, gave up trying to speak to me. I instantly became the class outcast. I was ignored by everyone, including my teachers to a certain extent. My teachers taught I was a "special case" and decided to not draw attention to me. 

I was devastated. I felt alone in the world, like I was locked in my own body. I wanted to have friends and be normal like John and the other kids. I wanted to explain to them that I couldn't speak, but no one gave me a chance. That was my first real world lesson: life outside the norm is a lonely existence. I instantly regretted going to school and wanted to leave as soon as possible, but I knew that wasn't going to happen until my grandfather came to pick me up. Time haven't moved slower in my short life. I just about gave up my search for an outside life.

Two o'clock came around and my mother came to pick me up. I was confused because she was supposed to be at work. Why was she here? I looked at the serious expression on her face and realized that this was not good. Something was not right and I needed to be home. She rushed me to grab my things so we could leave. She explained something to the teachers and we were off. John and Jacob was already in the car waiting for me. John sat in the back with Jacob's car seat in the middle. John looked really concerned, but unsure of what was going on. Jacob was sound asleep, oblivious to the craziness happening around him. 

Mother was zooming through the streets, weaving through traffic. Tears streamed down her face, obstructing her view. I was very confused and scared. What was going on? Where was my father? We pulled into the local hospital parking structure. Mother grabbed Jacob, ordered us to hurry up, and led us to the elevator. Like an Olympic sprinter, mother bolted through the elevator doors towards the emergency room; John and I trailed behind her, with John leading the way. I didn't know what "emergency room" implied, but being in the hospital was an automatic red flag. We eventually caught up with mother and Jacob as she was frantically shouting at the desk clerk. I wish I could understand what she was saying. Still no father... Where could he be? Someone needs to console mother. I look up to see the life slowly slip away from mother's face, not good. I looked at John and he had a matching expression. He knew what happened, but what happened? 

We waited in the waiting room for what felt like years. We grew hungry and tired the sky darkened. Suddenly, Mother stood up and approached, what appeared to be, a surgeon. She held Jacob over her shoulder, as he continued to sleep. I was against eavesdropping, but I needed to know what happened. I had to read their lips.

"I'm sorry Mrs. White." The surgeon said with a stern, dark look on his face. "There was nothing we could do to save him." There was nothing we could do to save him? Save who? Mother fell to her knees, crying her eyes out. She covered her face with her hands, with tears flowing through. The surgeon knelt down and consoled her. John joined them as he started to sob. It was that moment that I realized what happened. Father didn't show up yet. He would have been here with us hours ago, unless he was already in the hospital. Father was the he the surgeon referred to and he was gone. I could feel my heart break into a million pieces as reality came crashing in. The air escaped my lungs quicker than it came in. I ran to my family and held them tight. Life officially went from bad to worse. Life lesson #2: death exists and it hurts. 

The surgeon helped her to her feet. We all stood up with her. The surgeon spoke to her, and she nodded. Wiping the tears away with her free hand, she turned to us. She handed John our now woken brother up and followed the surgeon into the emergency room. We all had a new understanding of the shift in dynamics. John was no longer the older brother; he is now the second in command. Mother also is alone, raising three young boys. Our poor mother is now a single parent and she is going to need our help. Where does that leave me? I am stuck in an interesting spot. I have the role to be responsible for Jacob and help Mother out by being a good son. 

Our father's passing was a detrimental hit to our family. I could not fathom the fact that my father was gone forever, and we no longer have that male role model in our life anymore. My father was a very loving man. He would be the calm parent of the two, never raising his voice at us. He was heavily involved in our lives and supported our activities. He even gave me my first American sign language book, and we learned together. He was my translator, and my best friend. Now my mother lost her husband, we lost our father, and I lost my only connection to the world. What were we going to do now? 

The car ride home was completely silent. It was way past our bedtime, but I didn't think I could sleep. I didn't think anyone, except Jacob, was going to sleep tonight. My mother took Jacob to his crib and laid him down. She returned to living room, turned on the television and sat on the sofa. John went to our room to sleep. However, I didn't want my mother to be alone tonight. I sat next to her on the sofa and watched television until I fell asleep. The last thing I remember was her giving me a hug and placing a blanket on me.