Without A Voice (Based On A True Story)

Human

It held a terrifying hold on my psyche. I tried to use logic and coping methods to erase It from my memory. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw those haunting eyes. I couldn't sleep, eat, or think without seeing It again. I have yet to tell Mother of the interaction, fesring she'd think I was crazy. I had to fight this on my own.

It was nearing soccer season again and everyone was excited. We got a good group of freshmen that year. They were all former players with amazing skill sets. We had a tough road ahead of us trying to rebuild our reputation.

The season was hoing fairly well. We redeemed ourselves against some of the easier teams. Our defense was syncronized and working well. Coach Jeff was excited with the team's trajectory, which filled my heart with pride.

Sooner than I expected, it was the last game of the season. We played against the last place team in the division, Kamakua. We had a guaranteed slot in the playoffs with a win or tie against them. We played them in our first game and won 1-0. This time, we played at Faraday; Faraday's soccer field was a tough, hard dirt field field with patches of grass. The game was exciting and fast-paced. They wanted to beat us to get that playoff slot.

At halftime, I was exhausted. I guzzled down water bottle after water bottle. I couldn't really focus on Coach Jeff's instructions, so I tried to decrease my fatigue. My left knee was starting to hurt. When Coach Jeff was done speaking, I went to get my knee brace from my duffle bag. I walked along our bench, but couldn't find it. I looked at the bleachers, thinking I left it there when we went to warm up. To my horror, I saw the last person I wanted to see at this very important game. Kourtney was sitting with the girls team, right behind my duffle bag. I immediately became furious and searched for Kevin.

I couldn't play angry; playing angry led to recklessness and possible injuries. Kevin and I could always calm each other down. He was warming up with Coach Jeff, so I needed to wait. Every moment passed only made me angrier. We did our starting cheer and walked on the field. I tapped Kevin's shoulder.

"Look who's here." I gestured with my head and he looked. His eyes widened as he looked back at me.

"Dude," he said, "you going to be okay?" I shook my head. "Look, she's there on the bleachers, not here. We need you man." It was simple advice, but helpful. I had to focus on winning this game for the team. I had to play smart.

Kamakua put up a tough challenge. Sadly for them, our defense was determined too. We held them to a 1-1 tie. We celebrated like we won the World Cup. Our whole team high-fived each other, hugging Kevin, and cheering with joy. I celebrated for a second and shook the Kamakua team captain's hand. We congratulated each other on a great game and a tough season. I was always the one who cared about sportsmanship.

After each home game, we needed to take the equipment off the field and store it in the locker room. Usually the bench players cleaned the field, as a part of "paying their dues". I sat on the sidelines trying to catch my breath. I slowly took off my shoes and socks, but then I recalled my duffle bag wasn't near me. I looked back and saw that the girls were still sitting on the bleachers. I stood up and marched over there to retreive my bag. I was so filled with rage, I ignored the sharp rocks on the track peircing my bare feet. The girls were saying something, I just didn't care to listen. I looked Kourtney in the eye, snatched my duffle bag ferociously, and stormed back to the field. I didn't look back, but I knew that she got the hint.

I packed my things and headed towards the team snacks. Our parents would rotated snack duty every game, so that we can have something to eat after our late games. It was only us at this point; everyone else left the field. Someone grabbed my arm as I passed the bleachers. It was Catherine, one of the soccer girls and one of my closest friends.

"Hey," I greeted her. "What's up?" Her face was tense, like she was scared. "What's wrong?" She gestured for me to sit with her. I was worried for her.

"Why did you do that?" she asked. She couldn't look at me.

"Do what?" I asked.

"Why did you just snatch you bag like that?!" I could see a tear roll down her cheek. She was extremely upset. No one has seen me that mad before, and I could see where she came from. "You really hurt Kourtney's feelings." And there I see the true reason why she was upset. I grabbed my phone from my bag, opened the text conversation, and handed her the phone.

She read the messages with utter shock. I explained that what happened between us was our prerogative. I didn't want to spread this around, outside of Mother and Kevin, and tarnish others' perspective of her. She wasn't a student at our school. There was no way for her to defend herself if I were to share my side. Catherine understood my behavior and hugged me. She handed me my phone and apologized for her accusations.

"I'm so sorry that I yelled at you." she said, "I had no idea she was like that."

"It's okay." I said, "Just promise me one thing."

"Sure, anything."

"Don't tell the others what happened between me and her. She doesn't deserve rumors being spread about her. If you have to, just say I was frustrated with the game." Catherine looked at me, completely surprised. I think she never expected someone in my position would consider the other's feelings. A single tear rolled down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly.

"How?" she asked, sniffling. Her hand covering the teary eye.

"How what?" I asked.

"How can you say that after what she did to you?"

"Because," I said, turning my head towards the field. "She has to live her guilt. That is punishment enough. She may have hurt me deeply, but even that won't change me." I turned to face Catherine, who looked surprised. "What's wrong?"

"James," she said. "You are the strongest person I ever met." I chuckled.

"I'm not strong; I'm human." I stood up and walked off the bleachers. I turned around one last time to Catherine. "Thanks for being a great friend." I smiled, and she smiled back. Mother met me at the start of the snack line with a plate of food. She was not happy for how long I took, but I was happy I did.