"How much time until we reach our destination?" An annoyed voice crowed.
"We shall arrive at dawn."
Sierra Jay splayed limply across the back of a unidentifiable black SUV. She felt the terrifying tickle of a person's hot breath next to her ear.
"Awaken," The hot whisper sussurated.
Sierra groaned groggily as she tried to sit up. She was immediately pushed back down by two anonymous hands, banging her head on the floor in the process. Sierra let out cry of outrage, quickly muffled by one of the offending hands.
"My God, Sierra. Must you make so much noise?" The cryptic culprit hissed. Sierra pushed the hand away, glaring at the innominate individual. Though, as Sierra's eyes were closed, the glare was unfortunately lost in translation.
"Why are you squinting?" Sierra finally cracked her eyes open, recognizing the voice as her eyes adjusted to the dim lighting of the shuddersome SUV.
"Dana?" She said, flustered.
"Speak louder, you obstreperous twit, I don't think our captors heard you!" Dana sharply sibilated.
"Did you accidently put Hewford back there?" Christina voiced from the front of the vehicle. "I keep hearing a hissing noise."
Dana and Sierra shared confused looks.
"Why on earth would I do that?" Mr. Marren retorted. "Hewford is special cargo."
Dana bravely peaked over the area they were crouched in, discreetly looking at the shanghaiers.
Christina dramatically rolled her eyes, turning back to what Dana assumed was her cellphone.
"Stupid snake," Christina mumbled as she viciously shook her phone and tapped it with her index finger. Dana noticed that her scarf was once again wrapped around her neck, with a whisp of white hair peaking from one of the crevices.
As Dana returned to her original crouched position, Sierra gave her a questioning look.
"Christina is taking photos on that app, PicTalk," Dana surreptitiously whispered.
The girls jumped as they heard a loud thump accompanied with a string of curses from the front of the SUV. Dana took another glance to see Christina clutching her head, her hand gingerly prodding a small bump that was forming on her scalp.
"PicTalked too hard," Christina muttered. Several more neck hairs protruded from her now-loose scarf.
Mr. Marren indiscreetly clapped a hand on his mouth as he began gagging from the discovery of Christina's unsightly hair.
"Will you two pull yourselves together?!" A loud voice boomed. Dana's head snapped in the direction of the voice, rewarding her with a crick in her neck. She must stop moving her head in such a fast fashion! Though, Dana's reflexes never backlashed on her before Christina's meeting. Could it possibly be a symptom of Wombception? Mr. Marren's flustered voice broke Dana away from her sickening speculations.
"My most sincere apologies, Pharaoh Bosom-- er, I mean Pharaoh Bassler!" Dana heard a soft thud and looked up to see Mr. Marren attempting to fling himself to the ground in an act of stiff submission. Pharaoh Bonnie Bassler ignored the English professor's outburst of devotion and grunted, focusing on the road. Suddenly, the vehicle came to a shuddering stop, flinging both Sierra and Dana against the back of the seats of their kidnappers.
The phony Pharaoh, oblivious to the smack of the girls's bodies against the fake leather seats, heaved himself out of the car to inspect the culprit of the headlong halt.
"Son of a bad person!" Pharaoh Bassler half-cursed from outside of the automobile. Dana imagined Pharaoh Bonnie Bassler tempestuously calcitrating the SUV while still managing to proudly puff out his chest.
"You want to hear a joke?" Mr. Marren offered, making an awkward attempt to ease the tension that rose in the vehicle. Christina stopped psychotically shaking her phone and shrugged.
"Why did Mark Twain's car break down?" Considering the situation, the joke was well-suited for the problem at hand.
"That's my joke," Dana muttered in disbelief.
"Why?" Christina asked in a blasé tone.
"Because he blew his satire!" Mr. Marren laughed hysterically. "Oh, that was awful."
"That's it. MEET MY WRATH, YOU YOUTHFUL-LOOKING, STEALING SCOUNDREL!" Dana screamed in outrage, flinging herself over the carseat to throttle the baffled English teacher. After getting over the initial shock, Sierra looked at Dana's agility with an impressed expression. Christina, after a moment's pause, sprung into action, prying Dana's claws from Mr. Marren's face.
"Dana, you must stop attacking him. His cheekbones are rooted deep enough," Christina reasoned with the bloodthirsty captive.
"They really are," Sierra added. "I wonder if it's natural."
As the three girls pondered over the existence of Mr. Marren's cheekbones, Pharaoh Bassler flung the door of the SUV open.
"It seems as though a thug left tacks on the road," He huffed.
"Why would they do that?" Mr. Marren shakily asked.
"Single mothers," the Pharaoh shrugged.
"The rule of the single bosom," Bobert Marren nodded.
"So he's a youthful-looking, stealing, and sexist scoundrel," Dana spat in disgust, squirming from Christina's iron grip. Though, most of the disgust was aimed towards Dana's close proximity towards the now-free locks Christina's of neck hair.
"She's just upset because she can't comprehend your philosophical genius," Christina apologized to Mr. Marren, handing him a pillow that she was apparently stitching during the car ride. Upon closer inspection, Dana saw that Mr. Marren's face was imprinted on the body of what she assumed to be Captain America.
"Captain AP? Really?" Dana shook her head in disapproval.
"She's just doing this to boost her chances of getting an A in his class," Sierra growled.
"It's not as if it's difficult to get an A in my class," Mr. Marren muttered, obviously wounded. "All you have to do is write essays..."
"That you don't grade!" The girls ululated in unison. Mr. Marren's face twisted in discomfort.
"Christina, release Dana immediately. She doesn't need more stress," Pharaoh Bassler ordered, his wits finally about him. Christina slowly pried her grip off of Dana's arms.
Dana laid her hands on her elbows, trying to rub away the red marks that Christina left.
"My wenus," Dana groaned before pointing her finger in Christina's face, carefully avoiding making contact with her neck beard. "You're lucky you didn't latch your grummy hands on my wrists, you ignorant pillow-lover. They're extremely sensitive to human contact."
"Dana, you must stop fussing about such small things. It's dangerou-"
The Pharaoh was cut short as Dana suddenly crumpled to the floor, writhing in pain.
"Contractions," she managed to wheeze as she pressed her palms against her bulging abdomen.
Dana Birdhouse's single utterance ensued chaos.
All except for the Pharaoh were yelling in terror and confusion, unable to aid Dana and her seemingly-painful contractions.
As hysteria filled the vehicle, Pharaoh Bonnie Bassler's lips quirked slightly up as he uttered two lifechanging words:
"It's coming."
