Reasons To Try |Completed|

Chapter 16

**Ian's P.O.V**

After Lexi left for her date, I was left with the girls. They have been really great through this entire dramatic soap opera. They deserved to have a good time so I decided to take them to the carnival that was in town for the weekend. Matt and josh came with me and I called Theresa to see if she wanted to take her son and she said yes so we met at the carnival.
The girls were having such a blast, going on rides, playing games, even just walking around. They are very easy to watch and always such a joy.
We had been at the carnival for about half an hour when I received a text from Lexi. I quickly called her back and apologized for having the kids out so late. She basically shrugged it off and told me it was fine. She admitted she didn't have a good time on her date and I could tell from her voice that she wanted to cry but was holding it back. Then when she started to tell me how much she appreciated me and to tell the girls how much she loved them, I knew something was off. There was something going on even though she said she was fine.
"You don't sound fine. I'm coming home!" I told her, knowing that it was right to worry.
"Ian, stay there. I want time to myself. Just hang out with the girls. I'll be fine, okay. Have fun, I love you." She rushed out before hanging up. I called her back and it rang once before going to voice mail. I hung up and tried again but this time it just went straight to voice mail. She turned her phone off. There's definitely something wrong!
I turned off my phone screen and tucked it into my back pocket, trying to figure out what was going on. "What's wrong? What did she say?" Matt asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
I turned to face him, still not completely sure myself. "She just wanted me to make sure the girls knew she loves them. She's acting really weird, I think something's wrong." I told him with complete honesty.
Matt chuckled. "I think that's normal. When she tells you to tell the girls that she hates them, then you've got a problem." He responded.
I shook my head. "No, something is definitely wrong."
Matt sighed. "Whatever man. Look, she's going through a lot right now and she's probably confused and emotional and she just want you to relay that message to her kids because she snapped at them or something. She's fine." He assured me.
Josh stood up and came toward us. "What exactly did she say?"
"She said that she wants me to tell the girls that she loves them and tell them how much she cares about them. Then she told me the same thing." I told him. "Why?"
Josh shook his head. "Nothing else?"
I nodded. "She told me 'Ian, tell them I love them. Make sure they know how much I care about them and let them know that whatever happens isn't their fault. And Ian, thank you for being there for me through everything. The first time and this time. Thank you, the girls need someone they trust.' That's what she said, word for word." I replayed the lines in my head.
Josh shook his head and got an angry look on his face. "No! We need to get back there right now!" He told me before running off toward the car.
I caught up to him and grabbed his arm to stop him. "Why? What's going on?" I asked, worrying even more with his actions.
Josh turned and looked at me. "She wasn't giving you a message." He told me. I stared at him in confusion. "She was saying goodbye."
My world suddenly ended. She was saying goodbye. I heard that last part over and over again in my head. Matt dragged me into the car and started speeding down the road. I knew we would never make it. She lives at least twenty minutes away from where the carnival was. She's gonna kill herself and this time, I won't be there to save her.
When we got to the house, the door was unlocked so we just walked in. I called out her name but she didn't respond. My mind was racing and I was panicking, then my adrenaline kicked in and I knew what to do. I ran upstairs to her room bed her room was empty. The bathroom door was closed and I could see the light shining through the cracks, telling me that was where she went.
The boys came upstairs and I opened the door. Even though I had an idea of what I would find, I still didn't expect what I saw. Blood covered the floor, smeared everywhere. Lexi's right hand hung out of the tub, drenched in the crimson liquid. I walked toward the bath tub and saw her, hair covering her face, tub full of blood, cuts all up her arms.
Her head was tilted to the side facing the wall so I turned it and wiped the hair out of her face. She was pale and lifeless but there was still a tiny chance that she would still be alive if she had done it within the last few minutes. I placed my fingers on her neck and I could feel a faint pulse.
I yelled at the guys to call an ambulance and then I dragged Lexi from the tub and placed her on the floor. "Josh, hold her wrists tightly to stop anymore blood from leaving." I ordered Josh. He did so immediately and Matt was on the phone with the emergency responder.
Matt answered many questions before being stumped. "Is she breathing? No! Does she have a pulse?" He looked at me to check. I put my fingers to her neck again, this time not feeling anything. I panicked again and started doing CPR.
I could hear Matt speaking but I couldn't hear what he was saying. Lexi's head was tilted back to open her airways and then blew into her mouth. I started chest compressions before blowing again. I put my ear to her mouth but heard nothing. "Come on, lex! Breathe!" I spoke while doing more chest compressions.
I repeated the process a few more times before finally breaking down. She did it. She really did it this time! "This is your fault!" I yelled at Josh. "You killed my baby sister!" I just started to cry uncontrollably. There was no way I could stop. My sister was lying on the floor of the bathroom, covered in her own blood, dead. And the worst part about the whole thing is that she was so unhappy with life that she committed suicide. And I didn't even know she was at that point, I didn't even know the thought ran through her mind.
I was pushed aside by Josh when he decided to continue resuscitation. He knew she was dead, her heart stopped beating, she stopped breathing. What did he expect to achieve? He was doing chest compressions when I told him to stop. He ignored me so I pushed my hands off her. "Stop, she's dead!" I yelled at him.
Josh shoved me away and continued trying to save her. I pushed his hands away again and this time he punched me in the face. "I'm not letting her go! She's angry with me and we are gonna fix things if it's the last thing I do!" He yelled out. He started doing the chest compressions harder and then suddenly, something crunched. I knew that sound, I made it happen the first time. That was the sound of her rib breaking.
I think at that moment Josh knew that she was gone because he stopped. He looked at Lexi and he let his tears fall for the first time since he'd realized what was happening. He leaned down and held her lifeless body to his chest. Matt watched in horror, knowing that she was dead from the start. Josh kept whispering to her and kissing her, telling her how much he loved her and that he was sorry for all the pain he had caused.
The ambulance showed up a moment later and they rushed in, getting us out so they had room to work with her. We were all shoved and put into the darkness, unable to see anything going on. The EMT's shouted at each other, having others bring in machines and a blood bag.
My phone started ringing and I looked at it. Theresa was calling. No way, I can't tell her what's going on while she has the girls. I ignored it but she called back. "Theresa I can't talk right now." I told her.
"Ian, what's going on?! You get a call from lex and then you and the boys go speeding off without even saying a word? The girls keep asking me what's going on and why you guys left." She told me, making me feel guilty.
I sighed, trying my best to collect myself. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything but it was an emergency. I had to go." I told her a bit.
The EMT yelled for a defibrillator and Theresa took a sharp breath. "Oh my god! What's going on?!" She panicked.
My tears started pouring out again. "She did it. Lexi, she-" I couldn't even finish my sentence before I broke down into uncontrollable sobs.
"No, no, no! Ian tell me you're lying!" She begged me, started sobs of her own. I could hear Maddy in the background asking what was wrong and Cassy saying it was okay. They didn't know how bad it was. "Ian! Please tell me you're wrong. She wouldn't do that to the girls..." She trailed off, hoping that I was lying.
"I've got a pulse!" I heard from an EMT.
My heart froze in that moment and I pushed my way into the bathroom to see for myself. When I peeked in, I saw her chest rising and falling slowly and I knew she would live. "She's breathing! Theresa she's alive!" I yelled into the phone happily. I handed the phone to Matt who seemed completely calm right now.
The EMT's placed Lexi on a stretcher and rushed her outside to the truck. I followed the and the driver told me to get in the front and then they rushed her to the hospital. The guys took the car and followed us there, arriving only a few moments later.
She was rushed into a room and the curtains were closed so we couldn't see. After what felt like forever the doctors came out to speak with us. "Hello, my name is Doctor Richards." He introduced himself. "We have stabilized her condition and she seems to be doing okay." He told us.
I breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Thank you so much. When can we go in to see her?" I asked curiously, wanting to see for myself.
The doctor put his hand out. "She's not out of the woods yet. She's lost a lot of blood and was without oxygen for a while so she could have some damage. Unfortunately, we won't know until she is awake and responsive." He warned us.
Josh stepped forward. "Did she hit any nerves?" He asked. The doctor looked at him with a confused face. Josh held up his hand. "Her wrists, did she hit any nerves?" He restated his question.
"So far we don't think so but if she did then that is something that can be easily managed. For now, she needs rest." He told us. Then he walked away, leaving us with a bunch of paperwork to fill out regarding her arrival.
I turned around and grabbed Josh's collar. "Why the hell do you care about nerves when he's saying she still might not even live?" I asked him angrily.
Josh shoved me off him and fixed his shirt. "Because, nerve damage is extremely painful, especially in parts of the body that are used a lot." He told me. "If she has nerve damage, she might try to overdose on pain meds to get rid of the constant pain."
Matt put his hand on my shoulder. "He's just trying to look out for her health. Stay cool man, she's gonna need you when she wakes up." He reminded me.
I sighed, knowing it was the truth. "I have papers to fill out." I spoke out loud to nobody in particular. The waiting room was down the hall so I headed down there to fill out the papers. I was finished within a few minutes and then I had nothing else to do. I sat there ready to wait for the longest moments of my life.