Chapter One

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may contain triggering themes

JACK McLoughlin sat on the stairway. The air was cool around him, biting at his skin, but he barely even noticed. He was far too drunk to notice something as insignificant as the weather. If he had noticed the way that he was wrapped in the air's cool embrace, though, he'd probably enjoy the feeling apposed to the enclosed heat and sweat of being in a room with probably fifty other people, equally as drunk. There was something tiring about parties. Especially when you were like Jack, with no friends except for the shiny beer bottle in his right hand.

If freezing out here was the alternative to dying of a crowded heat in there, he'd gladly take it.

He held the bottle of beer, head spinning in an uneven mess. Everything was a mess around him, a constant blur. His head carried a searing pain with it, like he had a hangover already, but that was saved for later- no, this was just a headache. A numbing, throbbing headache that just kept pounding and pounding and pounding. It was constant.

It was the type of headache he got when he drank too much alcohol for his body to handle, which wasn't a very large amount at all. In all honesty, Jack never really handled alcohol too well, just like he never really liked parties. So why was he here, on a Saturday night, on the doorstep of a house crowded with people at a highschool senior party? Fuck, he didn't even know.

Felix's words rang in his head, causing sharp juts of pain to stab into the area just above his eyebrow. It was like a pinprick. Jack scowled.

"Dude, you should go to this party tonight, I'm going and I need a friend to come with." And when Jack brushed off the idea, "Come on, it'll be fun. I promise."

Fun. Jack shook his head. How fun was it now, he thought as he sat alone. How alone was Felix, who abandoned him halfway through the party, leaving him in the crowd to go see a group of friends? Felix already had friends, too many of them, being the student body president. He didn't need Jack here with him. Jack had no idea why he'd even asked him to tag along. Everybody liked Felix, and everybody either hated or ignored Jack. Jack was just the faggot, or the looser. He wished he could have as many friends as Felix, but apparently that just wasn't in the cards.

Here he was, waiting on a doorstep for the moment his long forgotten friend decided it was time to leave. Felix was his ride home. Or maybe Felix was going to decide to stay the night, because the owner of the house was probably one of his friends, too- maybe Jack would have to sleep on the doorstep. He kind of laughed at himself in mockery. Pathetic. Why was he still here? It'd be better to take his chances and walk back home, though it'd take a long time. Or maybe he could just fall asleep here. In the midst of his spinning headache and messy thoughts, that seemed like a pretty decent idea.

Then there was a feeling of dread that washed over him. In the few seconds that followed, he was vaguely aware of the front door, currently behind him, opening and closing. "Oh- found you!"

The sudden voice, lined with a really vague Swedish accent, belonged to Felix. The same one who had just stranded him at the party. Maybe Jack was too intoxicated to think sensibly and act maturely, or maybe it was just who he was, because he frowned comically and glanced back with a huff.

"After forever." He kind of slurred the last word, and he could barely hear himself through his pounding head and the background party music.

"Oh, yeah," the Swedish boy laughed lightheartedly as if the incident was long behind them. Jack scowled, but, Felix seemed to disregard this because he continued. "Sorry, I kind of drifted to a few other friends."

There was a small pause as Jack considered his options- forgive him, or yell at him? If he was sober, he would have to think as hard about such a simple choice, but it seemed that making even the smallest decision required far more of a thought process now. Before he could seem to make up his mind, there was an offer. "You wanna go back inside for one more drink? Then we can leave. If you want."

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