Pieces of a Woman

5

He stares at me awaiting an answer and I have none to give him. If I say no then we're off to the system in one months time and if I say yes then they'll ask for information and I don't have that.
So I give him an in between.
"I don't know, but i will try and find them."
This is both a lie and a truth. I honestly do not know but I am not trying to find out. Because if the answer is no then we really are alone and if the answer is yes then I don't know these people and they basically are strangers.
I don't think this answer satisfies Izzy though because he's looking at me like I've grown two hands. He's looking at me like this is a deviation from his patterned life. He shuffles through his files and licks his lips.
"What about Amy Brown, it says here that she is your mother?"
Again with the questions that he already has the answers to.
"Take a look in Manilla Folder number 500 and I'm sure you'll find all the information about us you need to know. I'm sure you'll find that my mother disappeared a year ago and Im sure you'll find that they never found her. This woman right here," I point to my grandmother lying still in the bed, "is all we have and all we know. There is nobody else! You keep asking all these questions that I know you have the answers to! So just read your fucking folder and leave us alone." By the time I finish I'm in hysterics and Aaliyah stirs beside granny.
I watch her and granny breathing and I try to match my breath to theirs. Isaiah stares at me with a blank expression. I'm sure he's thinking "do you hear something? It sounds like maybe a crying speck of dust?" But he closes his folder and licks his lips again.
"Alicia, I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your family. I should have opened with that but it's ill advised to get more personal than I need to." He blinks at me waiting for me to respond.
"Yes it's always a good idea to stay impersonal when you're responsible for somebody's quality of life. That is genius." I spit venomously. Something is telling me I'm being unreasonable but I am angry. I didn't mean to explode on him but a pen could have dropped and I would have lost it.
    He looks down bashfully, with his hands sat in his lap. So he has my life in a folder and he's the bashful one? Unbelievable. Again, he licks his lips, slowly as if thinking of what to say next. He looks me in the eye and I reach up to wipe the tears from my eyes.
"I understand your frustration. Please just work with me, all I want is to help you and your sister." Something in his eyes softens me. He seems sincere, maybe his Manila folders have taught him something. Maybe he still believes he can change something. This reminds me of something Aaliyah said to me some time ago.
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