Pieces of a Woman

2

As I walk home, I take a moment to look around. I look to the corner store and see the usual bums sitting outside. Upon accident I make eye contact with one of them. Moe. Moe is an old family friend, or foe I should say. I've been told the story so many times, it's practically engraved in my mind. The constant reminder to be weary and avoid him at all costs. He was my grandmother's friend at first. They were a thing almost. His incessant trying and unrelenting attempts to woo her had finally broken her down. He was always there and was sweet to my mother. My grandma had thought he was the ideal man. But she was proven wrong when she discovered another woman in their bed.
Like any woman, she flipped out kicked him out of the house and attempted to cut all ties with him. This only angered him and he lingered, like a fart in a small room. Only he was much more dangerous. He began to make threatening phone calls and follow my mother to school each morning. At the time, she was my age and my grandma didn't appreciate the effort this time around. She'd got a restraining order and the phone calls stopped but the threat was ever looming. And still is.
"Hey Alicia baby!" Moe calls out to me. I inwardly cringe but reply nonetheless.
"Hello," I coldly respond. I visibly panic when I see him step off the wall and walk towards me. What could he possibly want? He steps towards me and I take a minute step in the other direction, not liking our close proximity. He looks me up and down and I stare back into his cold blue eyes, waiting for him to speak.
"Hey Alicia baby you look nice," he says this as if we're old friends. I turn my head and silently thank him with a nod.
"How's your grandma baby?" I cringe again at the pet name. It sounds so sinister falling from his lips.
"She's fine Moe what do you want?"
"I'm just checking up on you. Have you heard from your mother?" What the hell is everybody's obsession with my mother? It's like even when she's not here, she's still here. Her presence is ever looming.
"No." I say briskly and continue my tread home.
Upon reaching my door step, I peer into the apartment and find it eerily silent. Afraid to move forward, I creep so slow my calves ache with the weight of my pace. I'd be quieter if the grocery bags weren't so loud. With noticeable hesitation, I peer into Granny and Aaliyah's room. I find Granny's head cocked to the side with her mouth ajar. Asleep. Hopefully. Even so, I dont exhale until I see her chest go up and fall back down. I look to Aaliyah and find her merrily watching PBS KIDS. I smile and blow her a kiss, to which she responds by catching it placing it on her heart. I giggle because she always places it on the right side even though the heart is on the left.

After putting the groceries away, I comb granny and Aaliyah's hair. Puff balls for Aaliyah and corn rows for granny. Like mom used to do.
Ever since mom's "disappearance", I've tried to incorporate as much of her into our lives as I can. So that maybe Aaliyah wont miss her so much. Or at least that's what I tell myself. Really, I'm just afraid the memory of mom will fade. She'd left when Ally was just three. So a little over a year ago. I'll always remember her, but I'm scared that Ally is already forgetting. Even though mom had her demons, I never want Ally to forget her because she was the best thing to ever happen to this world. She was loving and light-hearted with an infectious smile. She was everything.

But before she disappeared, she had been depressed. Most days, she never even left the bed. I'd tried to sympathize as much as I could. But I couldn't understand it, and before long I began to resent her. More and more each day I think. We were struggling and she seemed so oblivious. Some days, I still resent her. When I look into Aaliyah's eyes and see so much beauty and innocence and wonder, what kind of person abandons that? It was so much stress on me, I had to drop out of school to take care of the three of them full time. I hoped that it would only be temporary and she would get better in order for me to go back. But then she disappeared, and I haven't been back since.
I worried that people would come asking us why I hadn't been back, but this is Detroit and nobody really cares about us. Not even the police. I'm reminded of the day when I first discovered mom was gone.

* "Licia wake up" Ally tugs at my hair until my eyes open. I look around and see that it's still fairly dark outside. Still early.
"What is it ally, what do you want."
"Mommy"
"then go lay down with her ally she's right in there."
"No mommy" I begin to get agitated and decide to just take Aaliyah to her mother myself. I scoop her up and head to the living room where ma sleeps on the pullout. But i find her bed empty and strangely made. I begin to panic and frantically search the rest of the small apartment. But she wasn't there.
"see, no mommy" ally says and i get the feeling that she's already searched. Ordinarily this wouldn't be strange but she hasn't moved in days and I'm not sure where she might be. I call the police and explain the emergency and where to find us. It takes them an hour to arrive. And when they do, they look like they would rather be anywhere else than our shabby apartment asking questions about some missing lady. They tell me I'll need to wait two days before filing a missing persons report. But i tell them of her mental state hoping they'll be more concerned. But they are not. They automatically assume that she's a feign and they tell me she probably went out for a fix. In so many words, they look me and my family in the eyes and tell us that they couldn't be bothered with another crackhead. And then they leave.*

I wipe the ugly memory away and return my focus to my family. I put some dinner together and we all sit around the small TV. With our stomachs full for the first time in days, we sleep almost peacefully that night.