"Hey, Alyssa?" I pulled at the white tablecloth to make sure that it was centered perfectly, "I set up the table. You're coming home soon, right? Call me back when you get this." Its been like this for a while. Ever since the day of our last fight, Alyssa hasn’t been answering my calls or messages at all. I’ve been trying my best to try and get a hold of her but, she just doesn’t answer. We don’t even have to talk. I would be okay with just hearing her breathing. I need to talk to her and feel her presence. The nights feel so cold and lonely without her next to me. Some days, I can’t even sleep in our bed because it just doesn’t feel right. Most days, I can barely sleep at all. From the moment I step foot into our apartment to the next day, I sit patiently on our couch waiting for her to walk in at 3:00 pm with his white blouse untucked from her pants and the first two buttons undone. Then, she’ll see me and a smile will instantly appear on her face. God, I miss her face.
-
“I went to work today. Everyone was asking about you. I honestly felt like throwing up. Everyone was surrounding me and asking me questions. I couldn’t handle it and I ended up breaking down, sobbing.” I felt hot tears running down my cheeks, “I just wanted to feel your arms around me again. I wanted you to hold me and tell me that everything would be okay.” I pulled my knees up to my face and tried to wipe the tears away. “But you didn’t come and I was alone. You left me alone, Aly.”
-
“Aly, hey. Its Kief again,” I glance at the clock for a brief moment, “it has been approximately one month, twenty-three days, 6 hours, and 10 minutes since the last moment I saw you. I just wanted to check in and see if you were coming home soon. I miss you. Please come home.” Every night I would do the same routine; get home, shower, make dinner, set up the table, and wait. Wait for what? For Aly to walk in. I haven’t given up yet and I am not going to start now. I’ve been talking to her mom and his friends, but they all say the same thing, “let go, Kiefer.” But how can I let go? How can I let go of someone I have loved for years. After a month, Den convinced me to go out with her. It was a mistake to say the least. I don’t remember much but according to Den, I was drunk out of my mind and lashed out on some douchebag who was hitting me. I was yelling and screaming, "Aly! Aly! I love you! Don’t go!” I was a sobbing mess when Den dragged me out of there. That night, Den heard me trying to call Alyssa and tried to get the phone away from me but I refused. I kept thinking, “she’ll come back. SHe promised that she would never leave me."
-
Den says that she’s worried about me. My other friends think that I should start going to therapy. I don’t understand why they would think that I would need help. All I need is Alyssa. “Babe? I made your favorite food tonight,” I played with the edge of my shirt, “where are you? Its been so long since I’ve seen you. Come home soon, okay? I miss kissing you.” I watch the clock patiently. Did I do something to deserve this? Why did Alyssa have to leave me?
-
“Aly, guess what? I got a promotion today. The boss loves the drafts that I’ve been handing in lately.” I smiled sadly. “I guess I have you to thank. After all, you are the inspiration behind my stories.” Its been six months since the last time I saw him. “I haven’t talked to Den or the rest of the Team in almost three months. They all think that I am insane for waiting so long for you to come home. They’ve given up on seeing you again.” I pulled out my wallet and stared at a picture of us together. “Hey, guess what? Today marks the one year anniversary of our date at the fair. Remember that Aly? We won each other stuffed teddy bears. That was the best day ever! When you come back, we should do that again! I miss you. Come home soon.”
"I remember how you said that you really wanted it but we couldn’t afford it. Well, I have it now! And I can’t wait to give it to you! Come home, please! I love you.” I spent the whole day in the same spot, holding the box with the ring inside. Aly has to come home soon.
-
“Babe? What’s it like over there? I bet its a lot nicer there than it is over here. People can be so mean sometimes. Your mom almost cut off your phone. If she did that then I wouldn’t be able to call you. I had to beg her not to. Thankfully, she’s letting me pay for your phone bill now. When are you coming back?” I hugged a pillow in an attempt to find the same warmth in it as the warmth in Alyssa’s body. It wasn’t working very well.
-
“Its my birthday. My mom wanted to throw a party but I wasn’t in the mood to celebrate. I just want to be with you, Baby. What’s it like where you are? I’ve been thinking about coming after you. But I’m scared that you might’ve forgotten who I am by now. I went to the doctors the other day. They’re worried about my appetite. I’ve lost a lot of weight and its getting harder and harder to move everyday. Everything is a mess without you, Aly. I’m a mess. I don’t even know what my life was like before you left. Aly, I’m begging you, come back.”
-
“I got sent to the emergency room. I fainted at work. They put me on antidepressants. They said that calling you isn’t a good idea. But I told them that its the only thing I look forward to everyday. I don’t think they liked that answer because they gave me a strange look after I said it. I really want to be with you again, baby. I still set up the table for the two of us. I still make your favorite meal. Although, I never get to eat it since I’m always waiting for you to come home. Maybe I’ll follow you soon. Yeah...I’ll see you soon baby. I promise.”
-
“I can’t breathe. I woke up this morning and I nearly forgot what you voice sounded like. I can’t even remember your scent. I miss those shimmering brown eyes. Alyssa, I’m so sorry. It feels like you’re slowly fading from my life. I don’t want you to. I won’t let you. Are you coming back? I don’t want to lose you. I’m coming after you, baby. I’m going to where you are. I’ve made my decision and no one can change it. I can’t live without you. It just doesn’t feel right. None of this feels right.”
-
“Hey Baby, today’s the day. I wrote out all my letters to Den, Amy, Ella, Dani, and my mom. I hope they understand why I have to do this. I got my pills refilled yesterday. Hopefully, they will be enough. I can’t wait to see you again, Baby! We can finally be together again. I will be able to hold and kiss you and tell you how much I love you. I will be able to hear your voice again. We will be able to be together in peace. I’m so excited to see you soon. I love you.” I put my phone down after leaving the last voicemail and brought the handful of pills to my mouth.
I’m coming baby. We don’t have to suffer through this anymore.
I love you.
~~~~
Oo alam ko medyo madrama
Vomment <3 <3
