Dear Diary,
I remember when I was younger, sneaking books from my father's study, and learning of the world. A lot of what I read didn't really make sense to my child's mind, but there would be times when I was locked away or when my father or his wife were having their fun with me that a passage or quote would come to mind and suddenly make sense. I guess this is how I marked my own growth. Every time I gained new insight into something I'd read as a little girl, I became aware of the passing of time and the fact that I was maturing. I suppose that I'm not really surprised that this is still happening, even though I've been set free from my cage. The world is still a mystery to me, and I find that I'm always trying to catch up with what the guys are saying.
It is getting easier, but I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be able to just be normal, because I live in a constant state of dread...wondering when the next disaster is going to strike. Will Dr. Roberts get sick of me and throw me out? Will my father send someone else after me? Will another one of the guys realize, like Owen, that I'm not worth the effort?
These questions are my constant companions, and I know that it's just a matter of time before I'm left confused and utterly alone. I now have insight into a quote from one of my father's books, The Great Gatsby. It said, "The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly."
That's what I'm doing. Volto masks are being left for me, and all I can do is stand by and watch the small world I've managed to create unravel, thread by thread. Owen has left me, and it's only a matter of time before the rest of them follow suit. What will remain of me when they all take the parts of my heart that belong to them and go?
