What YouTube does to you (completed)

Let it go

"You ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be."
"You have a whole 7 albums done in one night."
"Some of these songs aren't down to earth."
"You know that's not what I mean."
"I know, I know babe."

We walked towards each other and he picked me up and swirled me in a little circle.
I deeply looked in his eyes and knew that he was playing 21 questions my himself, just like I do.
Just like I do.
Just like I did.
It hurt me to see the sadness in his eyes. It hurt me that I thought he had left me and I just went out to find a new him. Even when I knew I wouldn't find another him.
Anyone like him.
Ever.

I never realized how much he meant to me until now. I felt as if I lost him. Knowing that he said he'd never leave me, he didn't. I filled up with guilt and regret. Don't get me wrong, I loved Alex, just not like I loved Edward. Alex, well , he wasn't anything like Edward. I had been with Edward since I was 15 and Alex just didn't quite fill up my broken heart. He was willing to take Edwards place as being the father. I respected that, but I hadn't ever been the same since Edward "left".
It's time for me to get over the fact that Edward really didn't leave me, he surprised me. He needed "time".
(Story goes good with the song "Build you up" by- Kim Taylor)


He felt like I was the most important thing in the world. I felt stupid for giving up on hope that he'd come back for me. My faith in him had faded. Now, well, I understood that I needed to be patient. That's something I never really had. I cried with embarrassment and sadness. I still felt like a little teenager waiting for that loneliness to go away. I spent to much on worrying about what other said about me.

No about who I really was. I was alone. I cried. I missed my childhood. I missed that bullying. By know you'll think I'm crazy. That bullying was what made my life, life. My past fill up in me. I had the urge to walk over to the piano and pour my heart out into my music. I could've had a better childhood if I hadn't ignored that stupid video.

I wondered what my life would have been if I hadn't have posted that video. That just proves what YouTube does to you. It tares you apart. From the inside out. My now, my tears could have made you a river. If you told me to cry you a river, I already did.

Love is hard to love when you feel the regret, guilt, stupidity, and pain that comes with it. The only way I got through it was music. The story that lies behind music. Basically, the music that made me better was sad. If I listened to happy music, it felt worse because they were happy and I wasn't. There again, the just proves what YouTube does to you. It's amazing how I've survived this life. I made the people around me miserable.

It time for my new chapter in life. Music that I've never expressed, that famous ness is should've had almost 5 years ago. That is my main priority. Greyson, Morgan, Edward, music, and love. Push away the pain. It seems nearly impossible. Trust me, it isn't.