My Life Being Dead

My Life Being Dead, Chapter 16

I’m not sure when I finally fell asleep that night. The other me stopped talking when I got home. My mother’s car was gone and I felt like the worst possible daughter in the world. My first task tomorrow would be to apologize and beg for forgiveness.

I checked my phone and saw that Adam hadn’t called back. I resolved that he must’ve been either sleeping, or busy. I couldn’t expect him to answer every phone call, that would be selfish.

The next day, I walked down the stairs with my nerves nauseating me. I was praying that my mother wouldn’t hate me forever.

She was at the sink washing dishes. She didn’t turn when she heard me set my back pack down.

“Mom?” I came and stood next to her.

She didn’t answer me.

“I’m sorry about what I said.” I looked down and fiddled with the towel hanging from the cabinet.

She sighed and looked at me with a hand on her hip. “And I’m sorry for never saying what needed to be said.”

I shrugged. “It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not alright. What he did was wrong and I hate him for it. I’m so sorry that I never addressed it with you. I thought that if I ignored it you’d forget. I was wrong.” She looked down and I could see her holding back tears.

I hugged her for a second then pulled back. “I’m okay now.” Now that I have someone to be angry for me.

My mom sighed. “Well you better have some breakfast now.”

After feeding me like a princess, she sent me off to school. I was sure I was going to be severely punished, but I was pleasantly mistaken.

Phase four should take care of it’s self, but I needed to check and make sure of Meagan’s progress. When I got to school, I was shocked to see that she took it way too far.

Instead of revealing it at the party, in front of the gossip mongers that would pass it around without causing true damage, she put up posters, pictures and was selling copies of the tape at school. I gaped as I came across a locker with pictures of Melody topless on it. My mind immediately went to Adam. This was not how he was supposed to find out. This was too much. I cursed myself and thought, “I am a horrible person.”

I wasn’t expecting a reply to my budding tears and anguish.

No you’re not. At least it’s all out now. Whether Adam takes you for his or not, him and Melody are over.

I went into the bathroom to hide the tears beginning to come from my eyes. I knew I wasn’t alone, so once in the stall I addressed myself inside my mind.

“But I probably ruined her life. What will the teachers do when they see it? Meagan

will be in trouble too! She’ll get suspended or expelled!”

You’re forgetting what that hoe is to you. She uses you. She deserves whatever’s coming to her. And Melody?? Who cares! That’s what you wanted right? So what if it went a little too far? Same possible outcome!

I dabbed my eyes with some toilet paper and heard the other occupant in the bathroom wash her hands and leave.

“I have to find Adam.”

I got up and walked from the bathroom, heading towards the class I knew Adam had first period. The first bell had already rung, but for once in my life I wasn’t worried about being tardy or even skipping. I had worse things on my plate.

I got to his class and looked through the window. I immediately spotted him, in the back with his head down on the desk. I couldn’t see his face because he had a hood pulled up, with an arm under his head. I could literally feel the stress emanating from him.

I turned away from the door before the teacher saw me and slid down the wall next to it. For about fifteen minutes I just sat there, worrying and contemplating. I got up when I realized that home room would get out soon and I needed to go to class. On the way I saw Meagan. She saw me and bounded up next to me.

“So what do you think?” She sounded so happy and proud of what she did. But I still couldn’t see how it was her fault. It was mine.

I stuttered. “I, uh, I think.. Was that really wise?” I ended up sounded like my mother.

She rolled her eyes. “Oh Cassidy, of course you don’t understand. It was completely necessary! Now Marc will be mine and everyone will know Melody as the hoe she is!” You mean the hoe you are?

“Stop it!” I yelled at the voice inside me.

Meagan looked at me like I just landed from Mars. “What?”

I shook my head and tried to play it off. “Nothing.” I cleared my throat. “So, has Marc said anything yet? Did Melody see the posters?”

Meagan beamed with pride again. “Melody saw them. I’m pretty sure she got called to the principles office too! Marc hasn’t seen them yet.”

How happy she sounded made me start to feel unreasonably angry. I tried to tell myself that it wasn’t her fault, but somehow I unleashed the person inside me instead.

“You’re such a whore. You know that right?? And stupid, at that. If anyone’s a hoe it’s you, not Melody. Sure she’s done some shitty stuff but look at you! You ignored your best friend who got struck by lightening in front of you because you wanted to fuck! What kind of friend are you!? What kind of person are you??”

Meagan stood astonished for a few seconds. I gave up trying to fight for control at that point. I just let myself say what needed to be said.

She finally snapped out of it and spoke. “I don’t need this.” And she walked away.

I felt my control come back to me and I sighed. “I’m sorry.” I said it too late for her to hear.

You shouldn’t be. That was refreshing.

For some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to be mad at myself.

As I walked to my second period class, I spotted Melody. She was at her locker gathering her things. Tear streamed down her face and she was audibly sobbing. Pain tore at my heart and I felt the urge, the need, to go apologize. But something other than the girl inside me stopped me. Adam deserved better. At the end of the day, this was all about Adam.

As I was just about to reach my second period math class, I was yanked by the arm into a supply closet. I prayed that the girl inside me would come out and defend us, but instead of pain coming, I was wrapped into a suffocating hug and held tightly. I pulled away and saw the outline of his face throught the darkness.

“Adam?”