“Hellooooo?!” I holler drunkenly through the bus Mark came back from random pub we found ourselves at ages ago.
“Evie shh. If you wake Mark up he’s bound to freak out you know what he’s like..” Danny slurs, he’s as drunk as I am.
“Oh shut it you. He’s had his fair share of arguments with me this week! He’s not my dad and it’s about time he remembered...” I chuckle sarcastically at Danny who’s fumbling with the TV remote trying to find some film he was talking about.
“Danny! Put the music channel on, I’m in a dancing mood!”
I sense him move closer to me I can’t help my turn around as I feel him bouncing up and down in excitement taking my hand and twirling me round like a child. We giggle drunkenly together as we dance to a random song without a care in the world. It’s been a long time, well before the fire since I’ve had proper fun like this. My thoughts dance around just like I do as we mess about together turning up the TV as loud as it can go, not caring if Mark wakes up, hell if he does he’d probably join us.
“Evie come here you” he chuckled lifting me up into his arms spinning me round again
“You need to cheer up! Mark’s only looking out for you love and Glen’s respecting him eh?” that sobers me up a little raising more questions than answers. What’s he talking about?
“Danny what’re you talking about?” I go to talk but I wobble in Danny’s arms as he staggers back drunkenly trying to explain his slip up.
I squeal in laughter and surprise as he falls forward pulling me to the ground with him, all thoughts of anything else are muffled in our laughter as he pulls me up to sit opposite him. Before I could even think about anything else we lean in towards each other and kiss gently and pull back, all my morals fuzzy in my alcohol ridden brain.
“All this noise waking me up Dan you idio....What’s going on here?” Glen’s standing there in his trackies, my attention is fixed on his bare chest for a second. Oh man, I want him. But I’m stuck between my judgmental brother and Glen’s friendship...
“Evie? Do you have something to tell me? Dan, you too?” He snipes irritation clear in his voice he’s got no right to be irritated he’s been pushing me away for too for me to care now. He’s clearly delusional thinking I’m cheating with Danny I’d never to that to him...I...I’d just never do it. But that’s nothing to say I can’t wind him up, teach him a lesson giving him a bit of his own medicine. You don’t hold someone at arm’s length because you’re scared of their brother without some kind of consequence.
“Oh, we just kissed. No biggie!” I giggle tickling Danny’s sides, his face plastered in shock at my admission, too shocked to talk it seems, he just laughs still not sobered up.
“You’re funny Evie. Stop making stuff up it’s out of line.” He sniffed but the moment had gone, my eyes where wandering to his shirtless frame.
My heart lurches and I follow him instinctively to his bunk, still slightly tipsy, damned Daniel getting me drunk!
“Hey bubs? Can I get in with you? I sleep better next to you... and...well... I’ve missed you.” In my tipsy state I could still feel the sadness creeping in, I just miss him I want him around me, to just be normal.
My thoughts whizz and he looks at me with a strange expression I’ve never seen before, somewhere between sadness and guilt but it soon changes to ‘the glare’ I call it, full of betrayal.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea do you? I’m already risking this band to be with you Evie..”
I can’t help the slight gasp that leaves my mouth, he’s just standing there having no idea how this could effect me like that’s something you should say to your girlfriend... if that’s what I am anymore.
“And...am I worth the risk?” I find myself asking the question I want to know and don’t want to know with equal measure...
The sigh the escapes him is enough for me, it pushes everything over the edge all anger bursts out in the form of a couple of sentences, that I’ll never be able to take back.
“I’m not even worth the risk to you! Look at me! You don’t even touch me let alone come near me for that matter. God I’ve had enough of this. You know what I did kiss Danny I wasn’t joking! And it was better at least he wanted to kiss me.” I shriek through the bus alerting Danny and a grumpy Mark.
“Evie? What happened?” Mark grumbled
“That idiot. That’s what happened. I’m going to bed, I suggest none of you talk to me. If you want to keep your heads!”
I snap, trying my best to contain the anger. My foot collides with the stool floating around the bus it’s been kicked more time than a football these past few days. Who fucking cares it’s better than me kicking that rather than kick some sense into Glen...
I walk straight past my bunk grabbing a blanket and pillow on the way to the front room and crash on the large sofa in the corner of the room crawling up into a ball of self pity and hatred.
I’m worth nothing to him, I’m not even worth the risk of a stupid argument. He’s such a coward can’t admit what he really wants because he’s scared. We haven’t even had sex ever. In fact I don’t think I’m even attractive to him anymore, I’ve gotten to the point where I’m feeling that I should make him want me? Is that selfish or something? I don’t know but I really don’t....
“Danny! I said leave me alone I’m writing!” I yell as my diary flies out of my hands, despite my tries to reach it, him being like the empire state building and me like a dwarf doesn’t help my efforts to get it.
“Danny! Fuck sake it’s my diary stop reading.."
“You guys haven’t had sex yet?” I stop mid sentence as I’m interrupted by Danny’s shocked gasp.
“You’ve been together nearly six months and you haven’t done it yet? Wow that’s shocker...”
“Dan please. Stop I just need sleep I can deal with this in the morning. You shouldn’t have read my diary that’s out of order.” I whine punching him pathetically on the arm, no effort in it at all.
The banks broke then, all the pent up emotion poured out. I flopped onto Danny burying my face in his chest sobbing, my own chest aching with the racking of my body. His arms tightened around me protectively lowering me down to lay with him, pulling the blanket with him to cover us as he went.
I shouldn’t be feeling safe and happy with him, he’s my friend. Glen’s the one, but I feel this way with Danny right now...
Is that wrong?
Hey! Happy new year to everyone hope you all have good times ahead! Let me know what you though of this chapter and watnot! Not sure what direction to take this but it's going with the flow for now? any suggestions, improvements and other stuff is always appreciated! - Comment and Vote - Love Hannah xox
