Colored In The Sky Blue

(13) Anyway

Natalie

How was I supposed to win now?

I guess that meant it was time to quit. "Okay, I give up. I'm going home. This ain't for me. Later, Satan."

"You can't just leave!" Luci shouted. She sounded like a kid. I don't really like kids.

The tone was familiar. Her need to be correct ('cause I sure ain't Nix but she wants me to be). It was familiar.

I decided to really focus on the parts of the girl that left me dazed and confused when she wasn't with me. I could never remember the shape of her eyes, the color of her hair, her height or weight. When she wasn't me, she didn't exist. I focused on that.

I couldn't find a face in my memory that fit her. She was no one.

"Are you even listening to me? Natalie!"

"Huh?" And there she was, a totally new face again. I felt like she looked the same, but in the split second I stopped focusing on her, she disappeared.

"You are hopeless. Your friends aren't messing around when they call you an airhead."

I didn't take much offense to that. As far as anyone really knew, nothing went on in my head, and I preferred it that way.

"I'm leaving now. Please, take care of his body? Derek and Cherish will... Probably be coming for him soon." I turned and tried to find a direction that seemed somewhat promising.

"Natalie!" Luci called. She took a couple of urgent steps toward me, and I took in her warm-looking grey coat, and black shoes. "Don't you wanna be the main character of something for once? Cherish has already had her tale, why are you giving yours away?"

I shrugged. "I didn't ask to be a main character, it just sorta happened. I don't have to follow the typical order of a book, I can do what I want. And I want this to end."

I waited for Lucifer to reply. I knew she would, the way her mouth was frozen on a thought told me so.

Deep breath. "I will call off Kourtney if you kill him."

"Shut yo bitchass up, I ain't killin' 'im. Those guys can handle themselves. Have you seen a vampire movie?" I asked in disbelief.

"Merari is already dead, fyi. Still think they got this?"

"She is not."

"Is to."

"Is not."

"Is to."

"Is not!"

"Is to."

"Well fuck." Merari was dead, Kieran was a full blown demon, Kourtney was rogue, and I was stuck with a crazy chick that called me Mom.

"Yeah okay, do what I gotta do."

Lucifer's face jumped from shock to suspicion to joy. "Ah, she said yes! She's gonna do it!"

Idk who she was talking to. "No, I'm gonna kill myself. Without me, there is no book. Suck on that."

She sighed, as if all the life had been drained out of her.

She pinched the bridge of her nose as she said, "Kieran, honey, would you attack her please. Don't let her leave, and you can have her blood."

He smiled, and it was almost the same as when he used to smile at me, but this one quickly turned into one from my nightmares, a crazy abstract caricature of what it once was, painted black.

This proved that I absolutely, positively, could see the future.

He lunged for me, his long legs and heightened agility completely overshadowing the few laps I ran as a freshman.

Something inside me clicked, and as the distance between us shrank -- rather fast, I might add -- I knew exactly how to save myself.

I began by humming the guitar intro. And then I sang. "Oh yeah. All right. Somebody's Hiene' is crowding my icebox. Somebody's cold one, is giving me chills. Guess I'll just close my eyes..."

As I sang, Kieran slowed, his running coming to a full stop and then he himself falling to his knees and closing his eyes.

I both did and did not know what I was doing. Deep down, I felt the power, but its like the true answers were hanging right off my tongue, close but very far away.

"Oh yeah, all right. Feels good inside. Flip on the tele, wrestle with Jimmy -- Something is bubbling behind my back. Bottle is ready to go..."

I didn't entirely recognize the song I sang, I didn't know how I knew the words or even what they meant but the tune was very familiar, and Kieran -- demon though he was, knew it too.

His hands pressed his skull together at the ears as if he meant to block out the music.

Lucifer stood stone still just watching the scene play out. If she was happy or mad, I couldn't really tell.

The symbols of a drumset splashed in my ears twice, then "Say it ain't soooo! Your drug is a heartbreaker... Say it ain't sooo. My love is a life taker!"

The music inside my head faded out slowly, and Kieran dropped his hands. Blood spilled from his ears, leaked from his eyes and nose, gushed from his mouth as his body lost its ability to sit up and he smacked the ground.

"Well, ya killed him," Lucifer remarked.

I know I had. His body didn't move with a breath, nor did it pulse was power any longer.

I had killed Kieran.

"As promised, Kourtney has stopped attacking our friends. You are right. You are not Nix, not even close but you are certainly something. It has been years since I have come across a siren."

Finally, a name to my power. I barely listened to the woman after that. I had ripped my own life into pieces. I hadn't meant to, it was simple reflex.

But Kieran was dead. My boyfriend was dead. This guy had a huge thing for me and now he was dead.

I thought back to that moment in bed when I'd asked myself "How long does it take to go insane?"

I had an answer now.

Only ten seconds in silence, with the mind that's betrayed you heartlessly.

Kieran was dead.
Kieran was dead.
Kieran was dead.
Kieran was dead.
Kieran was dead.
Kieran was dead.
Kieran was dead.
Kieran was dead.
Kieran was dead.
Kieran was dead.
Kieran was ---

I screamed. So much rage that I had buried exploded out of me and I just screamed. I screamed until Lucifer's ears bled, until my ears bled, until the entire world believed they were going to die and even then I screamed louder.

I screamed until I too, died.