Recalled

Cold

I stirred from my bed and realized that it was 4:15 in the afternoon. I groaned as I realized that I needed to get up at least for a little bit today. For some odd reason, I had been having an extremely high fever the past few days. I'd been extremely hungry but it seemed that no matter what I tried to consume, it'd come right back up. My stomach didn't seem to like anything that I tried to eat for the past three days. I went to the doctors and he found absolutely nothing wrong wit me. He had given me a prescription similar to Tylenol for the fever, told me to consume more liquids, and that was about as much help or significance he was for me. And to top it off, my beloved Mr. Donahue, has been AWOL and blown me off for an entire week. No games, no school, barely even returning a simple text! Everyone has been getting on my damn nerves asking me where he has been and if he is okay! Like the hell if I know! Our conversations have been so vague lately, so empty and somewhat useless. This is what our relationship has consisted of:

Me: Babe, I miss you!

Sam: I miss you too pookie.

Me: What's going on? Can I drive by and see you?

********Takes about fifteen minutes for him to respond***********

Sam: I'm not at home right now.

Me: Well where are you at?

Sam: My phone's dying. G2g

And that is the end of it. I don't even know how to react to all of this. He won't pick up my calls, and he keeps blowing me off. As you can clearly see. It's odd though, this entire week, I haven't seen Ambrosia either. At first I had thought it was just my imagination, but as time progressed...Others have noticed it as well. Lana won't shut up about it. And although I am not the usual sort to fall into rumors about things retarded that people come up with. (Not unless it's about a celeb or me ruining someone's life of course) Do I mix in and listen... But this time it was personal. Rumor has it that Ambrosia had been being given a lot of Sam's homework, and that she had been driving that raggedy junkyard of a car to go and drop it off to see him. I knew how close Sam and her were.... But wouldn't Sam have wanted me to do that instead? I mean apparently not now since I have been sick the past few days, but he doesn't know that. Why was he acting this way? Did I do something the last time that I spent time with him at his place? Was it something that I had said? Did I eat up too much of the food? Did his dad finally hate me so much that he barred him from seeing me? WHAT DID I DO WRONG?! ...Odd. I just realized that I started getting sick a few nights after I left his house. Maybe he gave me something...

I mean yeah I'm not dumb, I am on the pill, but we didn't use a condom this time like we usually do. We've both been tested, so maybe i contracted some odd strain of the flu through sex or something. Maybe that's why my doctor couldn't decipher what the hell was wrong with me. ...Yeah...That could be it.... But that still did not explain why sam was avoiding me. I'm going to try to call and text him one last time, and if he did not answer I was going to drive down there myself within the next few hours and give him a little surprise visit. I rose up out of my bed and felt disgusting. I dragged myself down the stairs in my silky night robe and gown to the surprise of seeing my father sitting inside of the kitchen. He was sitting forward, head in his hands and gripping his hair. He looked highly stressed and worn out. A pack of cigarettes lay next to his right elbow, and a shot of what looked to be vodka, sat in front of him. An ash tray cradling a burning cigarette slowly ate away at itself patiently waiting for my father's return to his mouth. ...Since when did my father start smoking? As my mind skimmed the idea, my brain seemed to feel an incredible stab behind my eyes and somewhere behind my head. The whole intake and surprise of it all knocked me back and stumble backwards letting out a loud gasp putting my hand to my forehead. My father slowly turned his head in my direction, and his eyes looked so vague, so distant. He did not look like himself. I froze, I didn't know how to react. I instantly felt that there was something wrong. His gaze burned into my soul. I hadn't seen him in months..

Why was he here out of nowhere, and why was he looking at me like that?! "You looks so much like your mother..." his voice trailed off. he looked to the wall on his left, lost in thought. "You used to tell me that all of the time." I gulped. Something was very off. i just couldn't place why that was. He nodded, picking up his cigarette and inhaling a long, eventful drag from it. "Are you okay? I've noticed you have been having headaches again." ...I had forgotten about those...when the procedure for my chip being placed and tested inside of me, my mind was like one of those dog whistles. A silent sound or wave inside of my mind would just echo and bounce. At first the sound was harmless, just a little irritating like occasionally hearing a microphone making that painfully high squeal...but then I would hear things...Strange things....I can't remember...It was a very painful past that I wish to forget.

"I've been fine. Just sick for some odd reason for the past few days. Sam has been too." "Sam?" My father turns his head up at me, intrigued by the name. "....Yeah, my boyfriend.' "Since when did you inherit a boyfriend?" "Since I grew boobs, dad." "That not making me like this,'Sam,' any more than I do already." *'since when have you been so interested in my life? it's not like you care..."* I thought inside of my head. "I want to meet this guy," he demands nonchalantly, picking up his glass of assumed vodka and tossing it back in his throat. "why do you want to meet my boyfriend?" I snort. "Because I said so, and I am your father," my father calmly answers. Yet he turns his head to look at me and I see the seriousness of his words. I nervously gulp once more and respond with, "Well I do not know when that will be right now." "And why is that, Alejandra Lorraine Cromwell?" I cringed at him saying my full name. He hadn't said my full name in probably three years. Or was it a few months? Why couldn't I remember?

My thoughts were so scrambled right now. I had been contemplating on being a smartass to my father. i resented him ever since he started to neglect me when i was younger. where did he have the right to jump into my life whenever he felt like it, and invade? It made my blood boil, and unbeknownst to me, my hands were curling into a fist. I closed my eyes for a moment and could feel his challenge for me speaking out of line. AnD i will admit„ i feared the consequences. Even though i couldn't even remember the last time that he had punished me physicallly. I know i was very young, and that my mother had still been alive and married to him. I inhale deeply and exhale slowly. "because , 'father,' Sam is terribly ill and as you can see, i am too." I responded with an underlying hint of sarcasm. "Well then, when the both of you finally do get better, I want you to invite him to dinner." "where? I ask, full of dismay. "probably here, ask your sam what e would like to eat." okay him drinking alcohol defintely made him into an asshole. i didn't know know how many shots he had, bUT I could tell that he had most certainly had enough. With that thought, he stood up and walked out of the kitchen, down the hallway and out of the door. i was so choked, insulted, and upset thaT i simply ran back upstairs to my bed and cried.

I missed my mother. When life may have been difficult, but still enjoyable. i began wishing in my mind that my father had died instead of her. I was shocked that sam would give me the cold shoulder. I was shocked that I was crying. I was shocked at the bitch I had become. I was shocked that my mother had been dead so many years. I tucked the blankets back over my head and went back to sleep.