Infelicitous | f. odair

35 | SILENCE AND A VISIT

35 | SILENCE AND A VISIT

Water cascaded down her back and into the small drain at the bottom of the shower. Steam floated in the air around her while filling her lungs as she tried to take in deep breaths. It had been two days since they were rescued, two days of learning what not to do and what you could do, discovering just how deep the pain was inflicted, and the honest telling of what they were now dealing with.

The white tiles felt cool against her palms as she briefly closed her eyes, organizing her thoughts into categories of responsibility and things that could be done later. Finnick was her top priority without a doubt. Second was her place in the rebellion; people were counting on her and Katniss; who was just recently hospitalized. Greyson was the Mockingjay, a symbol of freedom and hope – a chance to live without fear crawling down your spine, and for some strange reason, Greyson had never felt more afraid in her entire life.

She was afraid that she wouldn't be able to protect Finnick, and she was afraid that Snow would win, that like every other time, he would be right.

Those were the two most important priorities on her list. The third was going to see Johanna. Finnick had a doctor's appointment in the hospital wing where Johanna was currently residing and she thought that it would be good that she saw her best friend, considering Johanna was the only one who could understand her, besides Finnick and Katniss.

Johanna to Greyson was like a sister, and she couldn't help but feel guilty that she didn't immediately go see her upon arrival. But as she said, Finnick was her top priority no matter how strong he pretended to be.

"You're using all the hot water, Grey!" Finnick shouted from behind the bathroom door. Greyson let out an uneven breath, she forgot how long she was in there, it felt like only seconds.

"I-I'm sorry, I'll be out soon!" She called in a scarce voice, looking down to realize that her hands were shaking. She clenched her hands into fists so tight her veins protruded from underneath her skin. Her hair fell in front of her eyes, dangling wet and stringy. Greyson backed away from the wall and gripped the black bottle labeled 'shampoo'. Images of thick rope-like vines flashed before her eyes in a vivid green, with scratches of wild monkeys and poisonous gas that made your skin feel like it was melting off your bones.

She sputtered underneath the burning water. Her mind burned with images of Wiress getting her throat mercilessly cut open and the lightening tree yards away from her blurry view. It all felt like a terrible nightmare that only existed in her mind. But she knew that it had all happened, that those who died were gone and that she had broken free from the arena.

She shared a silence with the falling water that puttered around her, dripping into her eyes and down the plaines of her face. There was that throat gripping fear again crawling up her throat, screaming to be let out, and somehow she stayed quiet.

* * *

Greyson fiddled with the ends of her hair that were left down, seeing as she didn't have Effie to braid her incredibly difficult to manage, short strands. The hospital wing was quiet, a low roar of hushed voices full of medicinal diagnosis' that were whispered through the rooms and behind curtains.

Finnick went to his appointment on his own, coming to a shock for Greyson when he had mentioned that he wanted to go alone, and that he thought it would be better if he did. Greyson was glad that he wanted to venture by himself even after experiencing almost a two months of what she could assume was agony, but she also felt like she needed to be there with him by his side to make sure he didn't turn to the darkness like Annie had all those years ago.

One of the doctors had told her that Johanna was situated in the same room Katniss was in, on the other side. Greyson could remember how Johanna had wanted to kill Katniss for being oblivious as to why Johanna had potentially saved hers and all of their asses in the arena by protecting Wiress and Beetee on her own. Greyson remembered Finnick dunking her in the water with a smile on his sunburned skin and the pink sun twinkling in his eyes. She wasn't sure if that Finnick was still around anymore, however she did know that Johanna wouldn't be easy to sway.

Walking through the hallway, she passed a few doctors who nodded their heads in gratitude her way. She felt strange, to be recognized as the girl who came out from nowhere and started to help lead a rebellion. She had trouble perceiving herself as a hero or a leader, not because she wasn't leader material, but because she feared that if she failed them she would lose everyone she loved and not by humiliation, but by death and she feared that letting someone or an entire group of people down was the worst thing you could do.

Her pulse dripped through her veins as she approached a room full of bundling nurses and doctors. She knew that almost everyone was making sure that Katniss was okay and that she didn't lose her voice after Peeta had strangled her, because without Katniss they would be with one less Mockingjay, and they would have to deal with a barely functioning one.

Greyson saw Johanna immediately as she entered the room, sitting on her bed with a doctor explaining something to her. It was clear Johanna wasn't listening, even more so once she saw Greyson move into the light. Johanna was skinnier than Greyson and missing her choppy haircut, yet she still had that rebellious gleam burning in the back of her eyes.

"You son of a bitch!" Johanna shouted with a smile and a maniacal laugh itching out of her throat, turning some heads in their direction. Johanna embraced Greyson wholeheartedly, wrapping her bony arms around Greyson tightly.

Greyson smiled and hugged her back, subconsciously feeling Johanna's spine move against her wrists as her arms were brought around her body. She looked sickly and not the strong, confident woman Greyson had known to love. She looked broken down and chipped in the best places of Johanna. She was different, just like Finnick, but maybe even more angry than before.

Johanna stepped back to take a look at Greyson, grasping her arms in a reassuring grip. "You've changed, Grey." She observed.

Greyson shrugged embarrassingly as she felt Johanna's eyes on her. "So have you."

Johanna's mood significantly changed, rolling her eyes and releasing Greyson. The doctor was waiting patiently behind them. "Snow thought it would be fun to play dress up, I suppose."

Greyson inwardly shivered at the thought of Snow standing over Johanna with a knife and carving out Johanna's features with a curvaceous grin. Blinking, Greyson didn't respond to Johanna's comment and instead looked over to see Finnick talking with his doctor in deep thought. Johanna followed her eyes and hummed lowly.

"He'll come around," she murmured, watching him as he approached the two of them. "You don't know what Snow did to him in there. Him, Peeta, and I became very familiar with each other's screams."

Another chill ran down Greyson's back as Finnick was within a foot of them, his jumpsuit shifted on his body from taking it off and putting it back on. She smiled toward him, but she knew that it wouldn't be able to reach her eyes, not when she knew what he was keeping from her. Finnick nodded at Johanna, asking her how she's been in a quiet voice.

Greyson noticed everybody talked quietly now, even those who used to be the loudest. She didn't want to become one of them; she didn't want to be an Avox or one of Snow's pets. She wouldn't succumb to the silence, and she hoped Katniss wouldn't either.

A/N: *barely edited* it's almost the new year and I'm finally updating! ugh, I blame my procrastination and school. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and got what you wanted. with that being said, I have exciting news for you! a talented account called linmanuel created a trailer (finally ;) ) for this story! I have also decided, with much persuasion, to change Greyson from Emilia Clarke to Jyn from Rogue One because I find that it's a perfect fit for Greyson. but you can picture whoever you want. thank you for reading and I'll be seeing you soon! xx

(trailer is at the top)
comment below what you guys thought of the trailer!