Piece of my heart

Chapter 27

أنت يا مسكر (you are my intoxicant)
❤️❤️❤️
وأنا مدمن لك (and I am addicted to you)

SOFIA
I braced myself although I cried the whole night and I was hurt deeply. Deeper than a mirror could cut someone. I slept near the door and my daily routine alarm woke me up at dawn to pray Fajr prayer. My eyes had become small and a little swollen and tired and my face had a lot of questions to which my heart didn't want the answers. And my neck was aching due to how I slept. I went to pray so that my Lord could guide me and help me.

After praying I felt fine and peaceful. My heart had calmed down like a sea after a tsunami. I felt I had become more understanding. I went to take a bath and wore my clothes and combed my hair though I left them open because I was too stressed and there was no one at home I guess, because Ammar was going to 'get married.'

My husband was going to get married. Saying it was so ironical and disheartening. The thought of it made my heart weaken and it made me feel jealous and hurt but I just didn't want to go against the plan of God.

It was early like around 7 am and I hadn't eaten anything since last night hence I felt hungry and thought of going to the kitchen to cook breakfast for me, myself and I only.

I reached the kitchen to which the memories in which we (Ammar and I) fought in love and cooked together 'one day' He was a really bad cook.
I was all depressed, my nerves were not even allowing me to smile. The man I loved was going to belong to another woman today. And why would she agree to marry him. Did she not know he was married. Or did she love him until she wouldn't care...

I just didn't want to think about all this. I started to make cake, the reason: to cheer myself because I loved cake but 'my unfaithful heart' had another reason for making it, Ammar liked cake too.
I still thought of him, his likes and his love because he was still my husband and I still loved him.

When I turned to take eggs from the fridge I saw him. He was standing there in his blue shirt and hazel eyes and he had shaped his beard like he did in our marriage...

My eyebrows pinched in pain and anger and my mouth opened - worn out - and my eyes had so many questions. I was staring at him, hurt in my heart, pain in my nerves, jealousy to the top and I wanted to kidnap him, away from his marriage.

Pain wouldn't describe what I felt at that time. I looked at him for a while and he did too. I felt like I was about to burst crying the next moment I would look at him and I looked down and wanted to walk away when he held my hand and his hand gave me an electric shock of love vibes and a feeling of satisfaction and him being mine.

He said, "Sofia, please listen to me love... I have a reason to do what I am doing. Please trust me and trust Allah.
Today you didn't even say Salam to me.
Do you know how I miss that sweet, honey voice of yours.... How I miss that smile to which I can die for.
Sofia you are mine and I will always be yours."

It sounded like it was copied from lovepedia. Well I just melted from his words. They sounded real and touching and romantic and they could make me love him more and fall more and trust him more. But I just nodded my head and said,
"Assalam alaikum... I trust you Ammar, hence I am quiet and I trust Allah more hence I am still here talking to you. Please excuse me..."

And I pulled my hand slowly from his and went towards the fridge. And while coming back I forced my muscles to smile, that too at him. He was like he knew how I felt and he was suffering the same way as I was.

Later, after baking my cake and making my heart happy and icing it beautifully - I placed it on the table and I had made some tea too and I called Ammar to eat.
He looked at me with all the hopes in this world I don't know for what but I gave him a sad, cold, angry young woman look. He sat down and ate the cake with his tea quietly and after finishing he washed his hands and praised me indirectly saying, "My mouth full of joy, and my stomach happy as ever, and I want to kiss the hands of the cook and cherish her forever... "

He sounded like a poet to me. I couldn't stop but blush and I was more red than ever because of depression and love. He smiled seeing me happy for a moment.

The he drank some water and started coughing. I guess it choked him. He started coughing more intensely and hardly and I couldn't bear it because he was in pain. I ran up to him and was patting his back slowly and I was so worried. I helped him calm down after a while and I hugged him, out of my mind - in love..
He also helped himself a lot to calm down and was enjoying me and my hug and why not... he was 'the doctor' And I moved away from him feeling secretly relieved.

But he still held me, close to him - and I was looking down and he raised my head making my eyes indulge in his, lively ones making me lost in his eyes again and making me fall in love.
I felt his warmth and I was satisfied and happy and relieved in that moment but his phone rang.
And I actually saw the phone as the other girl - I moved away from him and he left me now, attending the phone and it was like the real scenario of life > Him going to her... and my heart ached and longed.

AMMAR
I was so worried last night. I decided to leave her alone and give her time. Early morning I woke up and prayed Fajr. I thought of going to check on her too. As I went near her door which was locked I heard water splashing and I knew she must have woken up. I said Alhamdulillah (thank God) and went back to sleep.

Later I heard some noise from vessels and I guessed it. Sofia must be in the kitchen. It was early like about 7 in the morning. I woke up and got ready and decided it was a good time to go to her. She must've calmed down.

I went to the kitchen and she was there looking so beautiful with her hair open. She didn't notice me until she turned to bump on to me. Her hazel eyes spoke a lot and had so many questions. I could feel her breath, her pain, and her love. She was hurt and why wouldn't she be hurt. We loved each other so much and I was going to bring a third in between us.

She was ignoring me but I just couldn't let her. I saw her stare at me, her eyes and mouth and heart all looking betrayed and broken. She saw my beard, it was like when we got married - A grooms beard and she looked down - I could see her fall in love with me again and again.

I felt so guilty about this. I wanted us to run away from this world in fact. I held her hand but I just couldn't do anything. I talked to her and I could see her melt. She answered me though showing me the anger, and jealousy I was yearning for. And she left and smiled forcefully at me. I realized that.

Later she called me to eat. I was delighted that she still thought of me. And by this gesture she gave me hopes of the future ~ the future of us. She made me breakfast and it was a cake, one of my favorites. I didn't know my wife was a baker.
I was so happy and my heart felt happy and I was just hurt because I was hurting a diamond, a precious woman I will never get again.
The cake was amazing and I praised her in a poetic way and I saw her blush. I knew she was floored by me. For a moment we forgot the pains of this world.

I drank water and it choked me slightly but I coughed and coughed and I saw her concern for me. I saw her worried for me. She came so close our breaths mingled together to be one. She hugged assuring the comfort and togetherness and love she had for me.

Then she moved away realizing I was fine now and her anger overpowering her but I pulled her; I pulled her closer to me - Close enough to revive all our moments and I looked into her eyes and she into mine...

I don't know why my biology teacher didn't tell me eyes talk. I guess she had never fallen in love.

And my phone interrupted our love. I was irritated but it was my mother calling and I couldn't ignore it. And she moved away, seeing me wanting to answer the phone and I could see her looking at my phone like my marriage. she was hurt - I knew - she was deeply hurt.