Behind Closed Doors *Narry*

Chapter 11

Niall doesn't know why but he can't get this feeling out of his head. This overwhelming feeling whenever he so happens to be around Harry. It's upsetting. He knows what it is, what it means. But he doesn't want it. He knows all the feeling will bring is a heavier weight on his back. It'll be like a reminder, sort of. He'll think of Harry and kissing Harry and just generally being with Harry and remember he's not good enough to be loved, to be with someone the way he wants to be with Harry.

He's thinking about this as he sits crossed legged on his hotel room bed. He just sits there staring straight ahead with a dazed look in his eye. The way he usually looks. Streams of thoughts blow past his mind's eye and he gets caught in it for a while. His lips tremble a little with self pity, that he doesn't deserve, while he internally counts the many things that he sees wrong with himself. The many things Harry would see wrong with him.

He doesn't quite understand why he has to be himself. He sometimes ponders this, its naturally become an internal battle. Sometimes he considers the idea of maybe him not opening his mind enough, like he was missing something. Like he wasn't seeing enough. But then this little voice in the farthest corner of his brain would scream, reminding him. Always reminding him.

At times like those, when he's thinking really hard he feels almost better. It's ridiculous really, impossible, but it's true. For a milisecond or so Niall feels almost normal. He feels like he's not actually as worthless and hideous as he thinks he trully is. But again, for a milisecond.

Some days he daydreams about better times. About times where he could possibly be happy and healthy and in a steady relationship with Harry. But that voice comes back and it nags him, "Harry would never want you! He's as straight as a ruler and you should get over yourself you glob of fat!" "You're not good enough to feel happiness!" "Health is the least of your worries, hun,  you should be concentrating on losing all that fat!"

Sometimes the voice gets so loud and painful that he has to take a little breather. No one notices, though. The thought of them being so oblivious is constantly on his mind like another reminder of his self worth. He knows he doesn't deserve to be pitied by anyone which is mostly why he always brushes the thought into the furthest corner of his mind.

As he thinks and thinks and thinks (like usual) an odd thing is happening just outside his hotel door.

Its funny how he decides to do this now, right after Niall's been thinking about everyone being oblivious of him. It's nice though because as much as they push the thought of Niall not being okay out of their minds they do care and they do see. More so than others.

Which brings us to Louis standing out in the hall thinking in front of the wooden frame. Fingers scrap mercilessly at his sculp as he ponders what to say, or how to word what's been on his mind.

The thoughts been nagging him ever since the other day with Harry. Matter of fact it was Harry who'd got him to thinking. It was about how Niall's emotions are in his eyes or something along the lines of that. It's silly to think about it, but absolutely true. Louis would know.

He had been earlier that day and everyone had been scattered around the tour bus. Liam was reading in his bunk, Harry was laying on the floor as Zayn attempted to draw him with a little twinkle of satisfaction in his eyes. Louis and Niall were sitting across from each other on the couch and little did Niall know Louis was watching him like a hawk.

He didn't mean to be creepy, he was just insanely curious and worried. And wasn't he glad.

Niall was merely gazing off into space when Louis saw everything he needed to. Niall's eyes were glazed over as he was deep in thought, his face looked pained. His pupils were as small as they could ever be and all Louis could think was how small he looked then. He looked vulnerable and fragile, just like a sudden brush of arms could crack him. Thats how Louis knew. He knew Niall wasn't okay.

He didn't know how to come across it though, hence the reason he was standing in the hall with unsteady breathing and sweaty palms.

Suddenly he lifted his fist against the wood and waited. It wasn't a very hard knock and somewhere deep inside he hoped it wasn't loud enough to hear because he wasn't so sure he was mentally prepared for this talk. He had no choice now, there was no going back.

The door cracked open a smidge and a tired lifeless Niall emerged.

"Hey Ni you mind if we have a little chat?" Louis asks nonchalantly.

Niall looks at him for a moment with a frightened look in his eye as his cheeks flush with a pink tinge.

"Uh sure, Lou, why not?" He tries to sound uneffected slowly opening the door and letting the older lad into the room. Although his thoughts are really running a million miles a minute and his hearts pumping faster than humanly possible.

"Whatcha wanna talk about, Louis?" Niall asks returning to his previous position propped up on the bed.

"Well it's really not all that important but I just wanted to ask you something is all." Louis scratches his head where he'd been scrapping it endlessly with his nubby nails.

"Sure ask away then, huh?" Niall responds only skipping half a beat. He's panicking on the inside though, his mind working on overdrive to figure out what Louis could want to ask him.

"Uh, it's just, um," Louis tries to figure out how to say this without offending or worrying his friend. He's a little relieved, okay, more than relieved, when a loud knock comes at the door.

"Come in!" Niall's small voice beckons.

Paul saunters in with a beeming smile and a pleasant looking Liam at his heel. Louis frowns a little at this, confused.

"Niall you've got someone here to see you!" Paul shouts lifting his arms from his sides to encourage Niall to come along. Niall gets up without hesitation and leaves the room, Liam and Paul following suit shouting exciting things towards Niall as they do so.

Louis stays a moment longer thinking over how he's so happy they interrupted him. He's not sure why he'd almost gotten himself into such a mess or how he'd gotten the confidence to do so either. He's just sure he'll never get the confidence again.

It's a shame, really, Niall really couldn've used that. To know someone cared.

Okay I'm actually really sorry for this chapter it was crap. But it you comment and vote I'll update really soon with a much much better and exciting chapter!

Soo please comment & votee!