Louis stayed with Niall, he held him as he cried . He whispered sweet things in his ear and rubbed his back when he sobbed harder. He stayed until Niall fell asleep, it's what Niall asked when he stopped crying. Louis knew that Niall wasn't sad, how could he be? He just found out the boy he loves loves him back. No Niall wasn't sad he was confused, he couldn't grasp the idea that Harry could actually love him. It still seemed impossible to him.
But as he slept he dreamt of Harry, of Harry's lips enveloping his, his arms wrapping themselves around his waist and the words 'I love you' falling from the boy's lips. He dreamt of Harry, perfect Harry all night long and when he awoke he was ready. He knew he had to tell Harry, even if he still had his doubts there was no way to find out except asking.
That morning he got up at eight, showered, dressed in his favourite skinny jeans and t-shirt and he did his hair all nice. His heart was racing a million miles an hour and he was shaking. As soon as he'd woken up that morning he was a nervous wreck.
When nine o'clock came around he led himself out of his room and down the corridor. He came to a halt in front of Harry's door. He took a moment to imagine Harry's sleeping face pressed up against the pillows. He imagined his lips slightly agape and his eyes moving under the lids as he dreamt.
He thought of all the possible things that could go wrong in this moment. How he was probably about to get rejected maybe even laughed at, there was also the possibility that Harry would yell at him call him disgusting and some other rude things. Not one possibility was positive or had a positive outcome. But thats only because Niall didn't see there ever being a positive outcome.
He stressed himself out by just standing there staring at the door in silence. So he mustered up all the courage he could and knocked. It was a weak pathetic knock but in the silence emitting from the room and the hall around him he was sure Harry had heard it. He knew Harry must be awake, Harry never slept in if he could help it. Harry always told him that there was too many things to do and too many things to see to waste the day in bed. He smiled at the memory of Harry telling him this for the first time.
It was the second time they'd fallen asleep in the same bed after a movie. It was some time around eight in the morning and Harry was already bustling around the room excitedly cleaning things and setting breakfast down on the bedside table for Niall. He'd said this to Niall when he asked Harry how he could be awake already and why he wasn't still fast asleep in the comfortable hotel bed.
Thinking of the memory just made Niall more anxious how could anything ever be the same after he told Harry he loved him? How could things ever be right if Harry didn't indeed love him back? His life would be over, completely.
He was just starting to think of turning around and walking away when the door opened and a tall slim woman appeared. Niall was too shocked to say anything. The woman seemed to recognize him, her mouth in the shape of an 'o' as if to say 'oh right it's you', after this she walked out into the hall and shut the door behind her.
"Uh, is Harry here?" Niall said tears prickling his eyes as he realized she was probably with Harry, and not in the innocent way. Breathing was becoming hard for Niall as he looked at this strawberry blonde woman, with her delicate body and elegant stance.
"Yes, dear, Harry is here. But he can't talk right now. Matter of fact I don't think he'd ever want to talk to you ever again." She smiled nastily at him, something glimmering in her eyes as she looks down upon him menacingly.
"B-but this is um important, he would like to talk to me, I know he would," Niall says after he realized what she'd just said. Never want to talk to him again, what kind of rubbish is that?
"Oh, sweetheart!" She looked down at him pitifully, "You treat him like shit, you know? Make him feel like he's not worth anything. What a horrible friend you are! He told me yesterday Louis told him you were in love with him, he had a good laugh at that, he told me how much he loathed you. Said he thought you were utterly nasty, said you were like the ugly duckling and oh how fat you were. Its funny how accurate he was with his description of you."
"H-he didn't say that..." Niall was in tears, he was trying his hardest to keep the sobs down as he grasped what was happening and the truth that was being revealed.
"You know what else he said? Ha! This is the best bit, ya, he said you were worthless. Just a little dirt molecule in this huge world and no one would miss you if you'd just... oh I don't know... killed yourself!" Her laugh was manic as he ran down the corridor and round the corner. He burst into his room without a moments hesitation and slammed the door behind him.
His heart was in his gut and his mouth was completely dry. He was gasping for air as he sobbed. His knees gave way and he fell to the floor. Out of all the scenarios he's played out in his mind that was the last thing he'd ever thought would happen.
Harry actually thought of him like that? He actually thought he was worthless. Now Niall knew that he actually was nothing, he should die. Why should he be here, no one would miss him! Louis even betrayed him, what kind of sick game were they playing at? Why would they do this to him? Why would they pretend to be his friend when they were really mocking him behind his back? Why would anyone do that.
He supposes he deserved it. How is it fair that he'd thought he could maybe have Harry as his own? Who in the hell would ever want Niall? No one thats who. How foolish could he be thinking that someone could love him.
I want to die. He thought to himself.
A thought sparked in his mind and he knew it was time. He was going to do it. This was the strength he needed, the push to get him to actually end it all.
He stood from the floor, with great strength, and shuffled over to the desk. He gripped the drawer and wrenched it open looking for a piece of paper. When he found one and a pen he began to write. His tears seized as he wrote but his hand shook. When he was done he shuffled over to his luggage and pulled a piece of crumpled paper from the front pouch and placed it on top of the first paper.
Then he set out to find all of his pills and razor. He set them all in the bathroom and went in search for his cell phone when he found it he dialled his brother's number. It went to voicemail, obviously he's in the army he has things to do. But somewhere deep down he was hoping maybe Greg would answer, and maybe he would talk him out of this. But obviously this was another sign. He didn't have anyone who cared, no one would miss him. He needed to leave life and stop being such a burden on the ones he loves.
He left a voicemail for his brother because even though he knows no one cares his brother always did and he deserved one final thing from him.
"Hey big brother," he hiccupped, "I just wanted to say something to you. I know I've been a bother to you ever since I was born and I'm sorry for that, and I'm sorry i refused to go away to get better. I know now I should have. But big brother, no one loves me, and no one's going to miss me. What would have been the point of going away if there's no reason to get better? I just want to stop burdening you, which is why I have to do this and I don't what you doing that blaming yourself rubbish, it's time for me to go. I give up, okay? I've had enough. I love you, Greg. Bye." He hung up.
He quickly texted his parents a final goodbye, a simple 'I love you, bye' would suffice in his books.
After that he retreated back to the bathroom where he locked the door and sat in the far corner of the room, bottle in hand and razors in the other. He didn't want there to be a chance he survived this time so he cut vertically on both of his arms, deep cuts appeared instantly, blood gushed. He swallowed the pills right away, in handfuls until there were no pills left and his vision became hazy.
It was funny how everything seemed to slow down as he remembered all the precious memories he had stored in his mind, some with his brother, his parents and the lads but most with Harry. He started crying then just as his eyes closed and the darkness wrapped around him and dragged him under.
He was finally happy. He couldn't feel a thing.
HI GUYS I've been having weird technical problems on wattpad so that's why I haven't updated in a while, I just trying to fix the other chapters that were deleted... Thanks for your patience I'll be back with an update soon xx
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Behind Closed Doors *Narry*
Fanfiction"It's times like these that I wish I was old enough to grab a pair of shoes, and a thin coat and run away. Run into the night, arms flailing. I would pretend I was flying, or falling and my heart would beat fast and hard against my ribs and I would...
