Behind Closed Doors *Narry*

Chapter 21

"Hey Harry pass me that knife would you?" Zayn asked as he prepared the peppers on the cutting board.  Harry who was stuck in a daze didn't hear him. Zayn didn't even try to get his attention again, instead just went over and got what he wanted himself. Harry was sat on the island attached to the kitchen, feet dangling off the counter, face blank. 

He'd been like that ever since they'd gotten back from tour, ever since Niall left. It was like he lost all reason. Whenever someone was talking to him it was like he wasn't there. He always had this look of concern on his face like he couldn't stop thinking about Niall. And he couldn't all he'd been thinking about lately was Niall and that letter he'd sent him over two months ago. He's been rethinking what he wrote and he regrets it, it was too much to ask of him while he was there, it wasn't fair to put that kind of stress on him. 

But mostly he's just been thinking how Niall's getting by. If he's getting better and if they're helping him over there. He really hopes they are because he just wants Niall to come home and be happy, healthy and alive. 

"How do you think he's doing, Zayn?" The question was out of the blue and made Zayn stop what he was doing. 

"I-." 

"What are you guys talking about?" A cheerful looking Louis says as he hops into the room. 

Zayn just looks at him but restarts what he was about to say, sans interuptions this time. "Honestly, Harry I'm not really sure, i just hope he's doing better." 

"I'm just scared he's going to come out of there and try doing it again, and I really can't stand the thought."

"Harry, he wanted to get better too, he's at the hospital trying to get better because he wants to not because we forced him to, that was his decision. I don't think he's going to come home and try and do that to himself again, I think the people over there are going to help him and he's going to get better. He might never be okay, but we're going to be here for him and we're not going to let him try that again." Louis had gotten all serious and stern like he was trying to convince himself more than them. 

Harry just nodded and Zayn said nothing. Thats when Liam walked in, looking happier than Louis had looked. 

"Whats all the gloomy looks for?" No one said anything," Ok-ay, anyway well theres a letter here for a  Harold Styles from a certain blonde boy." Harry's face broke out into a smile and he pounced on Liam.

"Where??" 

Liam pulled the letter from his back pocket and handed it over to Harry with ease. Harry immediately ran from the room and into his bedroom and closed the door. He rushed to rip the envelope open and hacked the letter out.

Dear Harry, 

How have you been? I've just been curious about you ever since I left, it's like whatever I do I start thinking about you, like when I try to eat breakfast I wonder what you're eating for breakfast, or lunch or dinner. Sometimes when I'm talking to the therapist I wonder what you're talking about with someone else or if maybe you're thinking about me. 'Cause I think about you a lot. 

I'm sorry this letter is getting to you two months late it's because apparently I wasn't 'emotionally ready' to read your letter, like you're innocent letter would want me to kill myself more. It's not completely their fault for holding this letter from me, I'm taking my sweet time replying to you. Honestly I've had your letter for a week and I have no idea how to reply. I've been thinking too much about how I want to express my feelings for you and how I want to tell you all the things I want to tell you but really I don't want to do that in a letter, I want to do it in person where I can see your reaction. I've been waiting months, maybe even years to express my feelings for you and I'm sure as hell not going to do it over a freaking letter. 

But I am going to say this; I don't want to be friends with you Harry I would like there to be something more. The love I have for you is no where near friendship level, and I don't think after the way I've been thinking about you these past months I can ever look at you as just a friend. So yes I do want things to change between us, in the good way. I hope that helps you get by for the rest of the time I'm stuck in here. 

A couple weeks ago if you'd have asked me how I was doing in here I'd have easily replied with 'Horrible, I just want to die more' but now that I've grasped the concept of why I'm trully here I understand fully why things here have to be the way they are. I mean the writing on the walls telling me to die to save me from this place isn't helpful or the stratching on the walls at night waking me up every couple of minutes, but the therapist helps and the nurses helping me eat and telling me how to do things to get better does help. I want to thank you guys for encouraging me to get better because if I didn't have friends who cared like you guys care, I would already be dead. Now after these months here I know I don't trully want to die, I still can't grasp why you guys love me or care and I still can't love myself or my body but I know that I can hopefully learn to. 

I'm happy to tell you that my therapist told me I will be allowed to leave soon, and I can't wait till I get to see you again Harry, I have a lot I want to say to you and the boys, but mostly you. 

I feel bad not saying anything to the boys so please tell them how much it means to me that they wished me luck because it did help during my days here. Tell them I love them very much and I'm coming home soon.

      With much love , Niall xo

Harry's smile was nearly uncontrollable as he came to the end of the letter and it didn't leave his face until he got into the kitchen. 

"SO? What did it say, Harry?" Louis asked shuffling on his feet. 

"It said that he was doing better and he'll be home soon and when he does get home he wants to tells us some stuff. He also says hi, he said how much it meant to him that you wished him luck because it helped him a lot." 

"He's coming home soon?!" Zayn cried. 

"Thats amazing! I can't wait to see him!"

"I'm so glad he's doing better!" 

"We should celebrate! I'll grab some beers from the fridge how 'bout it?" Louis asked. But their happiness was momentarily put on hold as their landline started ringing. They all looked at each other awkwardly, wondering who would be calling their home number. 

Zayn was the one to answer, his voice was low and hesitant,"'lo?"

There was a buzzing in his ear before a booming voice came ringing through," 'ello, love! I'm Nurse Becca, I'm calling for either a Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson or Zayn Malik?"

"Uh, yeah thats me, I mean Zayn Malik, is there, uh, something I can help you with?" The boys were all looking at him with brows crised, Louis was still standing with the fridge door wide open holding a beer, Harry was sitting on the corner biting his lip and Liam was standing really close to Zayn trying to hear the woman on the other line. 

"Yes! I'm calling regarding Niall Horan, you know him yes?"

Zayn's voice raised and his 'yes!' came out in a high pitched squeak. The woman on the line chuckled, the boys jumped at the sudden volume. 

"Well I am very glad to tell you that Mr. Horan will be discharged from the hospital tomorrow afternoon, he was hoping you boys could come pick him up, is that alright?"

"Oh really?! Yes of course we will!" There was a pause,"What time?"

Nurse Becca was still laughing lightly, "Around three to four, Niall has a final appointment with his therapist to finalize some things, but he'll probably be done by three."

"Great! We'll be there!"

"Alright, fantastic dear,"

"Thank you!" And he hung up before she had a chance to answer. He was bouncing on his feet at this point, exctiement coming to its boiling point. 

"We can pick him up tomorrow!" 

~

Hii, so what did you think of this chapter? I hope it was satisfying cx well anyway if theres enough votes and comments i'll post the next chapter tomorrow!

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