We Are Broken

Chapter 20

Chapter 20:

((Carter's Point of View))

Around four in the morning I snuck out of bed, careful not to wake Fay up. I placed my pillow where I had been laying, instantly she turned and started to cuddle up to it. More then anything I wanted a picture of this moment. She looked so innocent, so at peace. But I couldn't take a picture right now. I didn't want to wake her up. She couldn't know what I was going to do. 

I grabbed a small plastic Hot Topic back out from under my bed, then snuck off towards the bathroom. I turn the lights on, and the water as a precaution if I accidently made noise. I needed to cover up my tracks, which I was pretty good at by now. 

The first object that I pulled from the bag was a straw. The next was what looked like a container of powder make-up. Little would an ordinary bystander know that inside of it wasn't make-up but rather cocaine. I measured out a small dosage before putting the straw in position. My next move was snorting this shit. 

I didn't snort enough to get me high, just enough to keep me stable until the next time I was able to do it. My luck is I get to do it about every other day, that way it doesn't seem too suspicious. I know it's bad that I do it, but smoking just isn't enough. Not with all the shit I've been on. 

I quickly pack everything back up into the Hot Topic bag before flusing the toilet and going back to my room. I gently close the door once I'm in my room. That's when the lamp on the nightstand get's turned on. 

"Where have you been?" Fay asks, a hint of drousiness is in her voice. I turn to face her to find her gently rubbing her eyes. 

"Using the bathroom." I said, trying to hide the bag behind my back. 

"Then what's in the bag?" she asks.

"What bag?" I ask, trying to play dumb. It was a stupid move, I know. She's most likely seen it, but I just don't want her opinion of me to change.

"The bag behind your back. Carter, I thought we'd gotten over the stupid little games!" she cried out.

"We have!" I promised her. 

"Then why won't you show me what's in the damn bag!" 

My head hung low as I made my way over to her.  I dropped the bag in front of her, avoiding her gaze. The sound of the contents being dumped out of the bag made my eyes close shut. I was screwed. She was going to hate me. 

"Why are you on all this shit?" she asks me with a heavy sigh. 

"It's just enough to keep me stable." I told her. 

"This is unhealthy though." she says. "We could get you medication to keep you stable stuff that won't kill you." 

"I don't want any fucking medication, Fay!" I semi-shouted at her. "This is what I fucking need. This shit is how I survive. I've tried every damn medication out there, nothing can help me as good as this can!" 

Tears filled her eyes. "I don't want you to die though." 

For the first time I looked at her, tears had filled her eyes. "I'm not going to die." 

She lifts the drugs up. "This stuff, this will kill you, don't you get that, Carter? You have people that care about you, who don't want to see you dead. Hell, your the only thing that is keeping me all right. Now I find out that all the times you've claimed to be all right, you are just really waiting for the next moment you can get high." 

"I don't do enough to get high." I promised her. Now tears started to fill my eyes. I feel as if I had let her down. Big time. 

She doesn't say anything else. Instead she just grabs her pillow then starts to head for the door. I try to stop her but she moves out of my. With a huge sob she leaves the room with only one heart breaking glance back at me.

The door closes shut, leaving me behind. A broken man. 

((Fay's Point of View))

I didn't go to Cindy after my fight with Carter. I just didn't want to wake her up. I most certainly didn't want to be alone either. There was no way I could go back to Carter. I couldn't forgive and forget. Not on a subject as delicate as this one. 

So I went to the only place left to go. Dr. Chanaway's room. I knocked on the door softly. 

A soft "come in" came from the otherside. 

I walked into the room. He had turned his lamp on. He see's me and instantly he starts to worry. "Is something wrong, Fay? What happened?" Questions like those seemed to be unendless. 

"I had a fight with Carter." I said. 

"What about?" he asks, trying not to pry to far into my issues. 

"Something extremely stupid." I said softly. "Can I sleep in here tonight?" 

Dr. Chanaway scoots over to where I can lay down next to him. I laid down, quickly getting under the covers. I was freezing. He turns off the lamp before laying back down. 

After a few moments of us laying there in silence I ask him, "Why did you become an emotional therapist?" There was complete silence. "You don't have to answer the question if you don't want to. I had no right to pry into your personal life."

"No, it's all right. You deserve to know." He sighs. "When I was younger I watched my step-mom beat my step-sister. She never laid a hand on me because then my dad would have realized it. My step-sister, Liza, on the other hand, happened to be quite clumsy so my dad never would have realized that she was being abused. Every time my dad was on a business trip I would hear the sounds of screams coming from the basement. I coud just imagine Liza's face as she was being tortured just for the fun of it. I tried to get my step-mother to stop, but she wouldn't. Then one business trip my dad went on it was the worst. My step-mom had her brother fly in from New Orleans. He was the slimy sort of guy. The type that enjoyed the company of little girls. He raped her over and over again. I tried to stop him, but couldn't. He knocked me out cold. The neighbors had finally heard her screams and came in. My step-uncle and step-mom were arrested sortly after that, both are still in prison. My dad was horrified that I hadn't told him what was going on. Especially after Liza had killed herself a week after her mom had been arrested. I kept thinking that it was my fault that she had killed herself, then I realized that I had to do something to stop others like Liza from killing theirselves. That's what made me want to get into this." 

"Wow." I said. "That must have been horrible to go through. I know what she was feeling. She felt icky for being touched like a slut. The beatings are bad, but being raped. That's the worst. It makes your skin crawl and you feel positively vile." 

"Is that what you felt when you were being raped?" he asks me. 

"That and then some." I whispered. "I should probably get some sleep. Good night, Dr. Chanaway."

"You can call me Anthony." he says. 

"Good night, Anthony." I said, rewording it this time. 

"Good night, Fay." he says. 

And with that note, I fell asleep. 

______________________________________________________

I know you probably hate me for the whole Fay/Carter fight scene, but I felt like it needed to happen. During Chapter 19 I had brushed over Carter's drug issues and I thought I'd go more into depth with it a little. Which is why I did this chapter. Hope you enjoyed it. 

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