better m.t

•twelve•

They say that even the quietest people have the brightest minds. Or even if they didn't have a bright mind, they would have this personality that only the closest friends would know about.

I didn't think this was accurate.

I knew from the very start that my friends, being the girls, knew very little about me.

Usually, friends would know each other's birthdays, favourite bands.. things of that sort. Mine, didn't.

They never asked anyway. Not once did they even glance over to ask me what I thought about what they were talking about. Not because they were ignorant. But because they knew I would have nothing to say.

Now, answer this one question I have.

Why have I opened myself up to BamBam, Jackson and Mark so easily?

Haven't I let my guard down?

What about the wall that I've built up over the years? How did they knock it down?

I was angry at myself. The things I've been doing these past few days, they are not what I would usually do. This annoyed me.

I can't believe how vulnerable I've made myself. To my knowledge, there's only one thing left to do.

Build up that wall again.

But what about them? Won't they be hurt because of how I'll be treating them?

Oh please. You don't mean that much to them, stupid girl. Stop thinking so highly of yourself. Look at what you've become.

Don't you want your peaceful life back? You've spent all the years of your life in peace. Don't you want that?

Peace. The thing I got when I was alone in my room. But of course there were distractions.

Mom and her colleagues that is.

From a very young age, I came to accept that my Mother had never loved my Dad. They were arranged to marry each other. Apparently, I was an accident too. 

Well, my Mother made this very clear to me. Everybody had days out with their family. While I spent my school holidays locked up in my room, not wanting to bump into the men my Mom would bring home.

They weren't terrible. They were actually very kind-hearted. Mom knew of this and took it to her advantage of course. Knowing they'd eventually fall for her beauty and smarts. She had it all.

They would often offer to take care of her and let her live a happier life. But she knew that my Father, was very wealthy. That's the reason why she's staying.

Yes. My family is that broken. To the point where I barely had anyone to turn to.

So maybe that's my answer. That's my reason why I've opened up to those four so easily. Because they showed care and concern.

Care & Concern? How pathetic. You can take care of yourself, Lia. You don't need anyone.

I sat up abruptly, in frustration as the noise in class grew louder and louder that I couldn't even hear myself think anymore.

Jackson, BamBam and Mark looked up to me with confused expressions. I sinked back into my seat and put my head on my desk, cushioned by my arms.