MIRRORS.

What Now?

Kairo's POV

{Before the phone call}

I was raped.....

Me..... raped...

No matter how many times I said that to myself, I just couldn't fathom.

Why does everything happen to me? No matter how hard I tried, I could never win. I'm sick and tired of trying. Why can't I succeed for once?

I feel like shit. I get bullied on the regular basis, almost no one cares about me, I was just raped, and the person I love and care for the most hates me......

"I've been ignoring this big lump in my throat. I shouldn't be crying, tears were for the weaker days. I'm stronger now, or so I say, but something's missing....'

Of all the things wrong in my life, Chris hating me has to be the hardest for me to deal with.

Some people may call it dumb to let a bad relationship drive you to the end. I disagree. If you agree, then maybe you haven't truly been in love. I was, and still am, deeply in love with Chris, but he doesn't love me back.

He hates me. He blames his accident on me. I know that it was pretty much my fault, but I still wanted to have a small bit of hope that he didn't blame me for what happened, but that hope withered away when Chris gave me that cold, hard, look.

My mom is never around, I only have one friend, I'm gonna die alone; what do I have to live for?

Nothing....

So why even continue to breathe and waste perfectly good oxygen to keep myself alive, when I don't even have a purpose?

No matter what, I'm always wrong. No matter how hard I try, I always fail. No matter how great I look in my eyes, there's always someone or something that contradicts me, and makes me feel like I'm less than nothing.....

"Whatever it is, it feels like its laughing at me through the glass of a two sided mirror... Whatever it is, it's just laughing at me, and I just wanna scream!

What now? I just can't figure it out... What now? I guess I'll just wait it out... What now? Please tell me! What now?"

It's my time to leave this world.... for good.

The only difference is that this time,I'm not leaving with any regrets.

I don't regret what I did to Chris. If I wouldn't have done it, then I wouldn't have realized how much of a fuck up I am.

This time, I'm not leaving beholden to anybody. Last time, I attempted suicide because I let people's words get to me and control my life. This time, I'm doing it because I truly want to.

Fuck Makayla. No, me ending it all isn't basically letting her win. She would've won the first time because before I attempted suicide, I felt ugly and pitiful. I don't feel ugly now. I know for a fact that I'm not ugly. I know for a fact that I'm not fat.

I am beautiful... I am curvaceous...

How do I know?

Chris....

"I found the one he changed my life, but was it me that changed and he just happened to come at the right time. I'm supposed to be in love but I'm numb again...."

Chris made me feel better about myself. He would tell me how beautiful I was every chance he got. Do I believe him? Yes. I mean, a person can only lie so much, but even if every word he said was a lie, I was always beautiful.