Scarlet

Chapter 22-Robin

Sometimes, after all of the hell I've seen, what I've been through, I look at the town, at the surrounding areas, and I wonder why I even bother. I wonder why I fight, why I try to do anything. I wonder why anyone tries. That's when I remember the little kids, the mothers and families that depend on us, to keep them alive. And...I remember Scar. She may be running from some mysterious figure in her last life, maybe she won't open up to anyone, but she's the strongest person I know. And I'll do anything for her.
Frustrated, I slam my fist into a tree, punching it over and over, until my fingers hurt and they're red and swollen.
  Punch.
She'll never love you.
Punch.
You'll never be able to save everyone.
I throw an uppercut, shattering bark.
You should've died in the Crusades, why are you even still here?
  I slammed my fists into the the tree, over and over, until I realize that my fist is full of splinters. Immediately, I realize what a stupid idea it was. This is what she does to me, she has no idea how much she frustrates me. All I want is her. To feel her soft, dark hair, that she thinks no one knows about but her. I want to tear her cap off, to twist my fingers in her hair, her secret, as I pull her close.
    But I can't do that. I can't let myself think like this, it'll bring more pain and hurt and it'll distract me from my job.
To make up for the death I caused during the Crusades. When my parents sent me off to die.
   I deserve to die, I've caused so much pain, so much suffering, I've put so many in danger. I sit down, my back against a big maple tree. I start absentmindedly pulling splinters  out of my hand, my head full of self destructive thoughts.
   Without thinking, I grab one of my arrows. I put the broad head against my arm, where it's covered y my sleeve, and drag. I gaze in fascination at the blood, oozing out. The red color. Scarlet. My light skin, stained with red.
    I pull my sleeve down, enjoying the sting, and head back to camp. It's getting dark, but I love it. Besides, it'll make the blood stain less noticeable. I put my leather arm guard over it. She'll never find out. I walk through the woods,  my leather boots crunching the leaves.
    I should be thinking about Dave, how to help him, how to make the most of the time we have before it's showtime. Before he risks his life for us. Again.
   But all I can think about is my new release, and the fact that my demons won that round.
    They aren't going to let me go that easily. I fed them, and they're only gaining strength.