Not Worth It

Five

I felt a scream bubble up in my throat, but before it reached my lips, James's cold hand clamped over my mouth. He gabbed my arm and led me to a corner of the room not visible from the hallway. I tried to take deep breaths through my nose, willing myself to calm down.

"If I take my hand off, do you promise you won't scream?" He asked. I thought about it. Most people had already left school for the day, so the likely hood of someone hearing my scream was pretty low. He was looking at me very urgently, and I decided that screaming would not be in my best interest. I nodded slowly, and I felt him relax. He slowly took his hand off my mouth, and once my lips were free, I sucked in a deep breath. 

I looked into his eyes, any hint of red was completely gone, his eyes were back to normal. 

"Your eyes..." was all I was able to come up with. He tore his gaze from mine and looked at the floor. I managed to form my tumbled thoughts into a sentence. "What just happened with your eyes, why did they start to turn red?" I questioned. He simply shook his head. 

"It was probably just the light." Was his only response. 

"No, I know what I saw. Your eyes were starting to change color, but now they are normal again. Also, if it was simply a trick of the light, why did you freak out on me?" 

"Sorry, I...um... I don't usually show people my art." 

"Then why did you show me?" Suddenly, he lifted his gaze from the ground and our eyes connected once again. 

"I don't know, for some reason I feel almost drawn to you." I became hyperware how how close he was to me, and of the fact that he still had not let go of my arm. He seemed to realize this as well. He let go of me and took a step back. He continued to stare at me, he seemed like he was scared that he had broken me. He looked at me like I was fragile. I pulled the sleeve of my sweater down, feeling uncomfortable. His expression softened and he turned back around to face his painting. With a deep sigh he said, "I am sorry. This was completely crazy, we don't even know each other."

"It's okay." I said simply as I started walking towards the door. When I was about halfway out the door, I stopped and turned back to him, "You have my number if you want to get to know me better. Also," I glanced at his painting, "That really is a masterpiece." And with my final parting words, I walked confidently out the door. 

As soon as I rounded the corner my facade crumpled. My posture slouched and my heart was beating wildly. It took all of the will power I had left to keep myself from running to my car, but as soon as I was secured in my seat, I gave in to the arising panic attack. I pulled my knees in close to my chest, and I could feel my heartbeat in my knees. My chest erupted in pain. 

My heart felt like it was trying to escape the small constraints of my chest. My chest felt like it was caving in on itself. My vision went blurry. All I could think about was getting air, but my lungs wouldn't fill. I was reduced to taking quick shallow breaths, and hoping the attack would not last as long as some of my previous ones. 

Slowly, my vision cleared and I was able to start the car. I switched the radio to my favorite CD and cranked the volume. I let the lyrics wash over me. Eventually, my chest loosened and my breathing returned to normal. I waited a little longer, making sure it had passed, before I tried to drive home. 

The drive was short, but it was still unfamiliar. Places I had never been flashed past as I drove. I missed Arizona, but this change was necessary. I was still recovery from my past there, and hopefully surrounding myself with some new people would help with that. Charlie, Jules, and Sam seemed nice. Nick and I would get along just fine, but all I could think about was James. 

When I got home, I was the only one there. Both my parents tended to work late so I frequently had the house to myself. 

I went straight to my room and shut the door. I changed out of my school clothes, put on sweats, and pulled my hair into a bun. What. A. Day. 

I hadn't really done anything since the move, and today had been a complete whirlwind of emotions. Emotions that I was completely not ready for. I kept myself extremely guarded while in Arizona. I was terrified of being hurt again, the way I was before. The move may have been a new start, but that doesn't mean I have to give up all my old habits. 

I retrived my razor from its secret hiding place and headed to the bathroom. I pulled up my sleeve and held my arm over the sink. I felt swarmed with guilt, but I pushed it aside. One small cut, that was all I needed. I held the razor to my wrist and felt the metal bite into my skin. I felt my muscles relax as my body was flooded with endorphins. 

Suddenly, my phone pinged and I jumped at the sound.  

******

Author's Note

I hope you guys are enjoying my story <3

I am going to keep trying to update as much as possible! If you guys are enjoying it please vote and give me some comments! I am welcome to any feedback you guys are willing to offer! I want to know what you guys are thinking! My next chapter is going to be a little different, but it will finally reveal what James really is. Let me know in the comments what kind of supernatural creature you think he is!