Captain America: The Chronicles Of Gracie Hart

The Aftermath And Silent Treatment

We had been picked up by a plane that had the other men we had Zola in custody. We should be happy but no one said anything on the flight back they just stared at me and Steve I had past the crying faze I had a blank face clear from any emotions my face was stained with dry tears honestly I think I ran out of tears Steve would not take his eyes of me like I was gonna do something stupid he was waiting for me to explode again but I wouldn't in fact I know its wrong but I could not even look at Steve let alone speak to him on the journey back the men knew not to talk to me I didn't want there pity I wanted Zola and Schmidts blood. I had the bullet scrape stitched it stopped bleeding barely bad enough to cause worry. We landed at our base and howie and Peggy stood there waiting they had obviously heard what happened I didn't make eye contact Peggy gave me a sad smile I ignored it as she went over to check on Steve while howie walked over to me he just pulled me into a hug this set me of I let tears drop quietly slide down my cheeks not hugging back just standing still. It's my fault and all I could do was feel numb no emotions I don't even know how I still have any tears left.

a few weeks later the bar me and bucky went dancing in weeks ago was bombed along with surrounding areas I had not spoken one word to anyone it has been a weeks now Late may. I had lost a part of myself and hadn't even been trying to get it back Steve had tried to talk to me but I would just walk away without a word I didn't blame him I blamed myself I held his hand I let it slip Steve most likely blames himself  he shouldn't.  There had been a memorial for bucky I could not bring my self to go in my mind he was alive just on another mission I sat in the bed me and bucky shared in the apartment we had in london I had been drinking a lot. empty beer bottles and whiskey and other alcohol bottles litter the floor there was a knock on the door before someone let themselves in. through the bedroom door entered howie I did not even give him a glance I knew it was him he had come to see me every day, today was no different in the corner was a bunch of flowers mostly from Howard but some from others as a sorry for my loss "gracie"he moved closer and sat on the bed "gracie please it's been weeks you need to talk to someone"he softly sighed the only way I showed him I was listening was by looking at the engagement ring that was on my left hand he took me by surprise and grabbed my hands in his and gently stroked them this caused me to look up at his face he was in a cream suite "howie"I croaked out his eyes widened having not heard my voice in weeks "gracie its good to hear your voice thought you had gone all mute on me"he sad smiled"howie what are you doing here again"I sadly said ignoring his last comment "gracie please Steve is a mess he blames himself not just for bucky death but for the state your in now"he told me"tell him not to it was my fault I let bucky... I let him fall I wanted to go on these missions I thought I could make a difference save the men I loved but here I am"I sighed blankly "no it was not any of yours fault"he rubbed my hands"I held his hand and he slipped how is it not my fault"I ask looking confused and upset"he knew what he was getting into he obviously thought Steve was worth dying for"he reasoned "why are you all dressed up"I asked changing the subject"a meeting your supposed to be there but it looks like your not coming"he looked around the room at the empty bottles of beer "howie I'm sorry I just never thought this would happen"I sighed "no one ever does but Steve feels he has lost both his best friends you have acted as a ghost the past few weeks"he commented "I know you should go the meeting"I reminded him he sighed and kissed my fore head before leaving me alone again.  I laid back on my bed, I really was being selfish Steve had lost bucky to yet here I lay wallowing in self pity what had happened to the fiery girl I used to be... that's right she died on that train. Well no more I thought to myself I stood up and began collecting all the empty bottles in the bin I took a shower washing away the stink of alcohol. I brushed my hair and put it in a plated bun before brushing my teeth and putting my white blouse a black skirt a brown waist coat and black heels I took a deep breath before walking out the apartment. I walked down the streets towards the building which held the meeting bunker. I walked to the door and sighed before entering just as Howie said "wipe out the entire eastern sea board in a hour" the room fell silent I felt everyone's eyes on me including steves I walked further in and just stood there some of the commandos stood on the side, they bowed there head as a sign of respect they were my friends my fellow howling commandos they were grieving to. howie coughed and got up from his seat and walked over to me and put out his arm I linked arms with him and he walked me to the empty seat next to Steve I gave a small smile to him which he returned peggy looked at me and nodded. Howie broke the awkward silence by asking Chester "how much time we got""24 hours as far as we know" he announced I looked at Steve whatever I had missed must have meant a lot Steve looked worried Chester showed a picture of the last hydra base "what can we do we aren't  just gonna knock on the front door"a man spoke up "that's what were going to do"Steve said sternly. After the meeting had concluded I waited behind to speak to Steve alone he was stacking papers when I walked over to him "Steve"I softly said he ignored me I sighed "your mad I get it I ignored you I was selfish you lost bucky to"my voice broke "I'm not mad I'm just"he sighed"gracie it's my fault"his voice broke I walked over to him and hugged him"no its none out faults bucky would not want this"I whispered in his ear"you were supposed to be married to him by now but he's gone that's on me"he pulled alway putting his hands on my shoulders "I should be married but I'm not he's dead and I know if he wasn't he would be set on finishing this so maybe we should just take out the last hydra base and be done with it"I strongly said"we gracie no your not coming"Steve sighed "what. yes I am"I fended "the deal was you come if your not put in danger but you were twice I can't let you come"he smiled sadly "noo screw you Steve stop treating me like a child you and howie I don't need you to hold my hand" I yelled Steve sighed "it's final I can't lose you to"Steve added"what about me I don't wanna lose you"I began to cry"I'll be fine"he softly assured me "really cause bucky said the same thing"with that I stormed out annoyed at Steve, annoyed at bucky for leaving me, annoyed at myself for giving up and annoyed because I was finally admitting to myself that I was scared to be left alone.