Secrets Between Bois

The Funeral

The next day was a swirling blur of having emotions, hiding emotions, putting on airs, and carrying the weight of other people's emotions. I got up and headed to the church about 9 am to set up the dining hall and the sanctuary.

My mom and her sisters were there by 10 with enough food to keep a soup kitchen open for a week. I wondered how many folks they'd planned on feeding as I made countless trips carrying bags, trays, pans, boxes & whatever else they'd packed into the caravan of vehicles.

By the time I was finished unloading I was ready for a nap. The funeral started promptly at 11:00. The church was packed from wall to wall. Again I sat next to Janelle in the midst of heavy sorrow & woeful sadness listening to the pastor preach, the choir sing & watching the dancers dance.

The pastor offered the opportunity to come up and speak to the family and several people stepped forward to say their last respects. My mother turned and gestured to me to go up. I shook my head feverishly as I had no intentions to make a statement. She glared at me menacingly and my feet obeyed her command against my will.

As the reverend made his final offer for anyone to come up, I stepped up to the pulpit, neverously wracking my brain trying to come up with something to say. He hands me the mic and I feel my stomach doing somersaults as I turn and introduce myself to the congregation.

"H-Hello...", my voice weakly rasped as I stammered through my stage fright. I take a deep breath and clear my throat then try again.

"G'd morning Family, Friends, and Loved Ones!", my voice booms into the mic as the words began to flow. The audience returned my greeting in near perfect unison.

"Today we've gathered here not to mourn the loss of a life, but to celebrate the legacy of one. My grandmother was a wonderful woman. Strong & patient, compassionate & wise." As I scanned the crowd while speaking, I spotted my mom in the same seat she had last night nodding along as tears streamed down her face.

"A God fearing woman.." I looked away from her as I continued. My eyes next landed on Janelle as that same heavy feeling from last night began to creep over me.

"She always accepted me as I am..." I sniffed before I continued, my voice crackling once again only not from being nervous. "Never judged me. Even if I was in the wrong, she'd corrected me with some thought provoking perception."

My voice came out a raspy whimper as I could feel the tears that had glossed my eyes slowly begin their descent down my cheek. Embarrassed was an understatement. "I can't do this!" I mumbled lowly into the mic before plopping it on the pulpit & darting off the stage.

I exited the sanctuary and headed for the restroom, once again checking to see if anyone else was in there as well. I saw three young looking girls hanging out playing with there phones. Nope can't go in there. So I headed out to my car.

I got in my drivers seat & locked myself in. I stared at the steering wheel for a moment as I analyze my feelings. I knew that granny was sick & old. I knew this day would come & I knew she was ready. I was ready too--so I thought. Granma & I had already talked about this. I told her I wouldn't cry at her funeral. But at the moment crying was all I wanted to do.

She was my closest confidant, the one person to whom I could go to with anything and receive help without judgement. She was the first person I "came out" to & the ONLY other person who knew of my true feelings for Kyng. Now she was gone & I was left here, sitting in my car fighting myself about crying.

I punched the steering wheel as tears began to roll. I palmed my face and turned on some gospel music to drown out my sobbs. I gave myself 90 seconds to let out some pent up emotion.

After the 90 seconds was up I reached into my center console to grab the pack of Kleenex and proceeded to wipe my face. I checked myself in the visor mirror then started my car. I put it in reverse, checking my rear & side view mirrors. I nearly jumped of my skin, startled by a person knocking at my window. I quickly parked it & rolled down my window to see Kyng wearing a worried expression.

"Ayo you good P?" She asked, hunched over into my car window.

"Y-yea yea.." I stuttered as I stooped over my knee pretending to be reaching for something on the floor. "I'm good.." I kept my face down so she wouldn't see the tears welling up. She reached in and gently lifted my jaw looking me directly in my face, forcing me to do the same.

I could tell from the "yeah right" look she was giving me that she wasn't buying it, but she didn't press it. I dropped my gaze during the momentary silence between us.

"So where you headed?" She spoke up repositioning her lean in my window.

"I dunno...nowhere really..just away..." I said quietly.

She surveyed the parking lot then shrugged as she inhaled deeply. "You try'na dip?", she reached into her blazer jacket & pulled out a doobie dangling it in my face as a mischievous grin played across her face. "Let's ride out."

I looked at her silently conflicted. As much as I wanted to role off & take a flight with the homie, I'd promised my momma I'd stick around and help with dinner service and clean up, not to mention what transpired the night before.

I shook my head, "Nah bruh. I'ma have to pass." I sighed wiping a tear that escaped my eye.

"I gotta stick around for the clean up..& Janelle's prob'ly lookin' for me now..." I shifted in my seat.

"Maaan I jus' left outta there. The pastor still running his mouth. Ya momma & ya wifey both in the back eating & talkin & shit. Matta fact, Mom's tol' me you left headin' to the grave yard. I was finna hit ya phone but then I saw you out here in ya whip." She explained as she took a couple steps back. I took the opportunity to peep her fit.

She wore fitted black dress slacks with a royal purple shirt and black blazer. Her bowtie & pocket square -both purple with black polka dots- complemented her look as did the black ferragamos she wore on her feet. She had on an expensive but not flashy watch & small diamond chains hung just below her bowtie. She definitely looked very nice...classy & sophisticated...a complete contrast from her usual thug look consisting of saggin' jeans & Jordans..

"Nice kicks. Are they Ferragamos?" I asked as more of a deflection than a real question.

She snorted. "Nigga you wastin' time. You know you want this strawberry cough." She fussed then patted her chest pocket where she stored it.

She was right. I wanted that...blunt 😈😎

I kanye shrugged, "Fuck it. Let's go!"