Running Out of Time

Chapter 21 - One Week Later (In The Backyard Stressin')

Laurens and Hamilton had officially been living together for a week by this point. Everything had been completely normal aside from one small thing Laurens had taken notice to. At first he hadn't thought much of it but not it definitely seemed unusual. He wasn't exactly sure how to address it but he felt that he could figure something out.

He knew that it would probably turn out to somewhat of a touchy subject but he also wasn't sure how long it would last. Sure, he got to spend a lot more time doing simple little things like cuddling and whatnot. He just want sure if Hamilton was feeling completely alright. He had to find out.

Laurens had no idea how to start. This wasn't exactly something he'd done before. Maybe being direct would work? "You're okay, right?"

"Yeah," Hamilton did his best to seem convincing as he looked at Laurens, "why?"

"It's umm," Laurens knew tiptoeing was inevitable, "you don't really seem like yourself."

Hamilton shifted his weight to face Laurens better. Clearly, he hadn't been been doing as great a job of hiding this as he thought. "What do you mean?"

"It's just that you're you, you've always been that way," this wasn't the starting place he had in mind but it was something to roll with, "you have so much downtime. You hardly seem to know what to do."

"What if I'm just trying to relax more?" Hamilton knew he shouldn't have said what if but it was too late now.

"What's going on, you can tell me?"

"It's not that big of a deal."

"Hamilton, you've been here a week and you haven't even touched a pen once. What is it?"

He knew there was no faking it anymore. He had officially been found out. There was no room for excuses. "I don't think I can," Hamilton started staring vaguely at the floor. He had tried writing when Laurens wasn't around but one thing had gone wrong. He couldn't write for very long without having his hands shaking. It had been dreadful for him. In fact, he couldn't do much of anything for too long without shaking. It was something that he was trying to fix on his own and in private but now it was out there.

"Okay," Laurens from softly spoke after a moment of thought, "we can work on it." He pulled Hamilton a little closer so the could cuddle. He was confident that this was only a minor bump for them to get over.

--

Nobody in the room was exactly sure how the party stared or when they had all gathered at Lafayette's place but it had happened. No one thought it really made a difference. Lafayette was considerably more popular than the rest of them which explained to both Hamilton and Laurens why the didn't know more than half the people there. It wasn't too concerning though.

Parties like this were meant to be fun. Hamilton's job was to ensure that Laurens had a good time while Laurens did his best to make sure Hamilton also had fun. Sometimes it was a bit of a handful but they made it work, they always had. However, there was one thing Hamilton found occupying most of his attention.

He still remembered everything that happened when he was in his ghost state. Hamilton honestly wouldn't mind if be married to Laurens. He didn't care who asked, it would be nice. Still, there was the elephant in the room that neither of them wanted to address. Marriage would be a wonderful thing for them aside from the fact that Laurens could drop off at any moment. Hamilton was always a little worried about it happening but Laurens didn't really seem to think about it at all. It was easily enough understood. Constantly being the first of your friend group to die probably took a toll on him. Despite this, Hamilton still wanted to marry the man.

He could see Laurens on the other side of the room pouring shots with Lafayette and Mulligan. Hamilton decided to hang around by the door for a few minutes while Laurens did his thing. Hamilton was in a super great party mood but he would try, he just needed a few minuets. Aside from him mostly minding his own business in the corner, everything seemed to be as normal as it would get. Maria and Eliza were having their own little conversation while Angelica and Jefferson talked somewhere else in the room. Although he still wasn't exactly overjoyed by the fact that Angelica and Jefferson were together, nothing seemed too out of the ordinary. Then, something definitely happened.

Hamilton took a small breath as an all too familiar memory came running towards him like a bullet. He used to call it death but he wasn't so sure that it could be called that anymore since death seemed like more of a tease to then. Still, he could feel it, it felt almost close enough to touch, but he couldn't see it. There was no sign of it. Of course, in this room, this setting, there were so many people and possibilities but he felt it coming for him. He could almost feel the chill in hands already as his eyes searched the room. There didn't seem to be anything but there had to be something.

"Alexander," there was a voice but he was far to distracted to pay attention to who it was or really what they were saying. He didn't even looks as the person began to drag him away from the room and outside. Hamilton knew it wasn't Laurens, he had been talking with Lafayette. "Look at me," the voice said it as more of a request. He still hadn't looked at them, his eyes were still fixated on the party scene.

"Alexander," two hands cupped his face and turned his head away. He was expecting Eliza or Angelica but it was Peggy. He couldn't focus on much if anything, he felt scattered. "C'mon now," she tucked her hand inside her sleeve and dabbed his face. Was he crying? He didn't know.

He just stood there shaking his head he hardly noticed her shooing someone away. "Peggy," his voice nearly croaked, "something isn't right."

"Tell me about it," she sounded interested as she fixed her sleeve.

"I..." Hamilton looked at the ground, "I don't know."

"Do you want me to get Laurens?"

"No," he shook his head again, "I think I'm okay."

The feeling settled down but was still very much there. It was like an itch he couldn't scratch. He couldn't help but look around again. It was then that he noticed something almost unusual. At this point he wasn't anywhere near shocked to see that Angelica was leaving the party with Jefferson. The strange thing was that they almost appeared to be fighting. Hamilton watched as the two stopped walking when they finally go to her car, they talked for a moment before they both began to laugh.

Hamilton wasn't sure what exactly was going on but he thought it was something he could figure out. He wasn't yet sure if he would tell Laurens about this. He might in time but not right away. He couldn't help but feeling like something much bigger than anything imaginable was happening.