Cuts and Bruises (ON HOLD)

Chapter Six: Parties Aren't for Anxious Kids

What.

Just.

Happened?

Before my brain catches up with my mouth I say, "I'm not sure."

"Not sure? About what? I thought you liked me." I was silent for a minute, waiting for my mind to realize what was happening. I was looking down at my shoes so I decided it may be good to look at him. He seemed sad, sadder than I'd ever seen him.

"I-I-I m-mean, y-yeah. Like, um, yeah I-I'd definitely love to, I-I just, how would it work?" I manage to stutter out. He smiles softly and laughs a bit. "I'd manage to make anything work for you, sweetheart."

Holy Mother of Everything Good and Gothic.

Who in God's name is this boy? How does he make me feel like this? I'm nervous and anxious like with everyone else but my best friends but... somehow... he just makes it work. I'm a nervous wreck but he doesn't notice and it feels okay. Why does he care so much about me though? Everyone who cares always leaves in the end.

I remembered something I'd read in a friend's notebook a while ago.

"Your mind says no but your heart says go. Which one do you follow?"

Which one do I follow? My mind tells me all the bad things about myself. it's the one that tells me I'm worthless. It's usually right. I should follow it... My heart lets me down...

"Well? What do you say?"

"Yes." I say quickly before I talk myself into saying no.

"Oh God. Thank you so much. You have no idea how nervous I've been. I've wanted to ask you that for so long," he says, hugging me tightly.

"You were nervous? Why? I'm just me."

"Maybe you're just you to you but you have no idea how much you are to me. You're beautiful and smart. It's like every time I talk to you I might as well be talking to Albert Einstein. You're just amazing. You're everything I've ever wanted." 

I blush, something I never do. I'm not liking this "being different around a guy because I really like him" thing. "Wow. I-I can't believe you feel that way. I'm not that special."

"But you are!" He says loudly. "You are that special! Even if it's just to me. You are everything I could ever ask for and I can't believe I found you without even having to look!"

I opened my mouth to speak but I was interrupted by yelling, "Blaze! Get your ass down here!" I recognized the voice: his dad. His speech was a bit slurred so I could tell he was drunk. "Do you need me to stay?" I whispered to Blaze. "No. You don't need to see anything. It will just make you worry and you don't need to worry about me, babe."

He opened his window. "Just crawl out and over to that limb. There's an old ladder on the side but it works just fine. You won't fall, promise. I'll call you later." I looked at his door with sadness in my eyes and he smiled softly. "I'm fine, Al. I promise. Just go." He nudged me towards the window and I finally complied reluctantly. He kissed my cheek before closing the window softly behind my feet. He mouthed something that didn't register until I was at the end of the ladder.

He mouthed I love you.

Now, I always stick to my word. As soon as I got home I text Ash.

"So, someone's finally not single. ;P" My phone buzzed loudly seconds later.

"No way!!!! I'm getting Iris and Brooke. We'll be over in 10." She replied. I had to laugh a bit.

"Haha. fine... See ya then." I replied and threw in my headphones. 

"Am I more than you bargained for yet?

I've been dying to tell you

Anything you wanna hear

Cause that's just who I am this week"

Sugar, We're Going Down by Fall Out Boy blasted through my headphones. I sang along softly to one of my new favorite songs until all of my friends came through my door. Brooke sat down on my bed and looked at me expectantly.

"Yes? May I help you?" I ask teasingly. "Spill sweetie."

"If I spilled my guts it would make a mess we can't clean up." I say, quoting one of all our favorite songs. We all laugh a bit. "Nah. Okay, so THIS JUST HAPPENED." I told them everything from the time we got to the gym to the minute I crawled out of his house. I left out the part about his dad beating him. I felt like that would be a big betrayal of his trust.

My phone buzzed loudly from my nightstand. "Ooh. That your new boyfriend?" Brooke asks and we all laugh a bit. "It actually is. Where's the text from yours?" I say with a smirk. She sticks her tongue out and rolls her eyes. "What does it say?" Iris asks.

"Party. My house. Friday night around 8. Be there if you can. I'd love to see you there, sweetheart." I read.

My eyes widen and pulse quickens. I can feel the usual anxiety coming back. A party? He expects me to come to his party? Is he kidding? He has to be kidding.

"You're kidding?!"

I reply quickly and look up at my concerned friends. "You shouldn't feel like you have to go just because he's your boyfriend now."  Ash says, apparently reading my mind. "But he's expecting me. He probably would want to show me off to his friends. They'll all think I'm lame if I don't go. Then again, they'll think the same thing if they meet me."

"No they won't!" Iris says. "Not if they know good friends." Brooke adds.

 I look down right as my phone buzzes again.

"No! It'll be awesome, right? I can't wait for all my friends to meet you."

"Yeah. Me either. :) I might not be able to come. I'm hanging with Ash, Brooke, and Iris Friday. I'm sorry." I reply, reading everything aloud to my friends.

We all sat quietly, waiting for my phone to buzz again.

"Aw well they can come too babe. There won't be tons of people so don't worry. Just me and my friends and their friends.'

"Yes. That's supposed to make me feel better." I yell at my phone, making my friends snicker. "God, what do I say guys?"

"Say we don't like parties either." Ash suggests.

"Or you're parents would kill you if you went." Iris adds.

"Maybe tell him you're sick on Friday?" Brooke says.

"He'd probably just argue and say everyone likes parties, he knows my parents could care less, and he'd probably come to check on me." I say with a sigh.

"Well just tell him it's girls night." They all say in unison.

"Well, one, that was scary, two, it may work." I say, typing it in to my phone.

"Well damn. I wish you could come. maybe you could swing by. Just for a couple minutes at least. I'd love to see you. It's cool if you can't. I hope you have fun with your friends. Well I gotta go. I'll call you tonight."

"Okay. Bye :)"  I read aloud with a sigh of relief. I look up sheepishly at my friends. "W-would you guys p-possibly consider g-going with me for a-a couple minutes?" I ask, smiling childishly. They all sigh and look at each other. "Yes!" They say loudly, making me jump.

I'm glad I'm going. But... I've got a bad feeling about this. I hope for once I'm not right.