Cuts and Bruises (ON HOLD)

Chapter Eight

"No, he's just an idiot. He picked that blonde cheerleader over you? He obviously can't pick good girls." Iris says.

"He's just a douchebag. He didn't deserve you. He doesn't deserve anyone like you. If he's gonna act like that he deserves a pregnant-before-college cheerleader." Ash adds.

"T-thanks guys f-for be-being so s-supportive. I-I need it r-right now." I say, sniffling and wiping away my tears. They all smile softly and come to my bed and hug me. We all lay still for a while until Ashton's phone buzzes.

"Aw guys mom wants me home like right now."

"Aw man. I guess you a-all kind of n-need to go." I give them all one last hug and walk them out, passing Wendy who was passed out on the couch.

"Bye guys. Love you all!" I say, waving to my friends as they climbed into Iris's car.

"Bye! Love you too!" They all yelled back.

I walk back inside to my bathroom. I sit down and move my bracelets, staring at my wrist. For a second I think he doesn't deserve this power over me. My friends said he wasn't worth my time, but was he? I wasn't sure. I shook my head quickly, pulled my sleeve down, and walked back to my room. I found my phone since I'd thrown it down. I checked my messages: 4 new.

"Alex? Al answer me please babe I need to talk to you."

"Alex, baby come on. It meant nothing. I don't even like that girl. She's a bitch. She was mean to you. I like you."

"Alex, she kissed me. I didn't want it to get as far as it did. She wouldn't let me go. I was drunk babe. You're my girl. You know my secrets and I know yours. Baby come on. Answer me."

"Look, I didn't expect you OR her to come. One of my friends invited her. I hate her. SHE kissed ME. I didn't even kiss back. Didn't you see me push her away? I was trying. That was when she put her legs around me. Alex please answer me baby I'm getting worried."

My eyes were watering again. Was he serious? Was he sorry? Was it not his fault? It couldn't be the truth. He was lying. What did he mean he was worried? Then, as I held it, my phone vibrated in my hand.

"Alex baby I really want to talk to you. You're my life now. I don't know if your phone is dead or if you are but I hope to God you're just ignoring me. That would be the best thing. I understand. I'm a total dick. I should've freaked out and said no as soon as she kissed me. I don't know why I didn't. I'm just stupid. I'm stupid and don't deserve you and I don't know why you said yes in the first place. Alex baby please talk to me. I'm so so so so sorry. I.... I love you so much. I couldn't live without you. Honestly, I'm not lying. I wouldn't lie to you. I can't afford to lose you. Please answer me. Something. To let me know you're alive. I love you."

I was fully crying now. He meant it. I could tell. He loved me. He loves me. I'm loved. I should answer... I should tell him I'm okay now that I know he loves me. I reply slowly.

"I love you too. I do. And I'm fine now. I just hate you right now. You shouldn't have. I had that note... Did you even read it?"

I thought of the note and what I put in to it. He probably hadn't even tried to read it. He texted back quickly, surprising me.

"Of course I tried baby. I couldn't read the words. I wanted to so much but I just couldn't make it out. And you're right to hate me. I hate me too. Can I come over please? I want to talk to you face to face."

"Sure." I replied, not being concerned with anything else he had said. I plugged my headphones in and put my favorite playlist on shuffle. I didn't care what played right now; I just wanted noise.

"You got 99 problems I got 80 proof

Mixed in 7 different drinks to forget about you

And that's what I'm gonna do

It only took 6 months and 5 whole weeks

I swear to God 40 ounces never felt so free,

So free of your memory"

Whiskey Problems by Artist vs Poet played out. I smile at how my phone could play certain songs according to what I was going through. It was amazing. I just felt like this song described it all so well. Blaze's house was about ten minutes away so I had probably two more songs to listen to before he got here.

The next song that played was Gives You Hell by All-American Rejects, yet another song I thought definitely described the situation. If Blaze was serious and genuinely sorry it wouldn't but I wasn't so sure about him anymore. I was a bit scared to lose him. I didn't want him to tell anybody about how I self harmed.

"You'll never see what you've done to me

You can take back your memories, they're no good to me

And here's to all your lies, you can look me in the eyes

With the sad, sad look that you wear so well

When you see my face hope it gives you hell!"

I smiled, thinking of how I'd probably give Blaze hell about this slutty girl he decided to chose over me for at least a night. It wasn't fair. She was so much prettier and skinnier and funnier... and better than I was. It wasn't fair she got a chance. He was mine. He wanted me. I had him first. He'd probably break up with me when he got here. She was better than me anyways. He was stupid if he didn't.

"Stay for tonight

If you want to

I can show you

What my dreams are made of,

As I'm dreaming of your face"

I cursed my phone as one of my favorite songs, If I'm James Dean, Then You're Audrey Hepburn, played. This was the song that I wanted to be mine and Blaze's. Water started to sting my eyes once again. I hated crying so much. I'd had enough crying for a whole month just today. I wanted to be done with this. All of it. I just wanted it to be over. I picked my phone up and went to the bathroom. I picked up my razor and breathed in and out slowly.

"1...2...3..." I counted down before pushing the razor hard against my wrist. I made six new cuts before I heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"Alex, you in there?" I heard from the other side. Blaze. I panicked and my razor slipped, making a deep cut. Blood started to flow fast from the newly exposed skin. I probably hit a vein.

"Alex?" I heard again.

"Yeah. I'll be out in a second," I said, my voice weaker than I expected. My head was starting to hurt, probably from blood loss. I looked back down at the cuts. I don't think I'd ever had a deeper one. I wasn't even sad. I wanted to die and maybe I would. It was an accident though, for once. My vision was blurring really bad. I honestly could barely see the door anymore.

"Alex. Let me in babe." I reached up weakly from my sitting position on the floor to unlock the door. I didn't even bother to pull down my sleeve.

"Alex?" Blaze questioned as he pushed the door open a bit.

He yelled my name next as he saw me. "I love you," he whispered.

Then everything went black. I got my peace.