Cuts and Bruises (ON HOLD)

Chapter Eleven: We Deal

"T-they... I.. B-but..." I stuttered out, tears stinging my eyes. My pulse quickened and it became hard to breathe. I hated when this happened. I could never tell if it was anxiety or asthma attack until it was almost over. I tried to breathe but a raspy sound came from my lungs.

For those of you who have never had an asthma attack, let me explain this hell to you. Asthma attacks are basically a terrible thing where your lungs begin to constrict and you can't breathe. At all. Lucky me, I have them all the time. In situations like this, and especially when my allergies act up. It feels like you're dying.

Anxiety attacks aren't necessarily much different. Anxiety attacks are caused from a build-up of stress though. No matter how much you think you're not stressed little things can set it off. The first time I can remember having an anxiety attack was in a movie theater bathroom. I got claustrophobic and everything seemed to be closing in on me. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom where I proceeded to shake uncontrollably and have difficulty breathing, just like an asthma attack. I almost cried for 20 minutes until someone finally came to look for me.

So, ,ore than likely, this was an anxiety attack. The doctor called in the nurses and I wouldn't let them touch me. I didn't want anyone to touch me. I didn't want them to hurt me. I felt like everyone was the enemy. One nurse finally coaxed me into lying still long enough for them to give me an IV of calming medicine. The doctor continued.

"Miss Fain, most of your friends only suffered minor injuries, cuts and bruises mainly, a little road burn here and there, but only one of your friends was affected severely."

"Who?" I asked, my eyes closing and opening as an affect to the medicine, I was about to go back to sleep. The medicine was probably to knock me out.

"It was your friend.... Brooke."

And once again, darkness.

_____________________________________________________________________

My eyes opened slightly and I turned my head.

"Blaze..." I said sleepily.

"Hey baby. Glad you're awake again."

"Where's Brooke? And Ash and Iris?"

"They'll be here soon."

"Where's Brooke, Blaze?" I said sternly.

"She's.... she's not doing too good," he replied with a sympathetic look. He smiled and grabbed my hand, hoping to comfort me I guess.

"Remember that note you gave me the night... everything happened?" he asked. I nodded.

"Do you know it? Can you say it?" I nodded again; I'd memorized it by now. 

"But darling, who could love a suicidal girl?

Who could love someone who hates the world?

She's got cuts and he's got bruises

Still they don't know which one loses

She makes herself while he makes others bleed

And they don't know why that's something they need

She knew she was worthless but he made people see

He wasn't as worthless as they thought him to be

They need to feel pain

To feel worth the gain

Between her layered bracelets and clothes black and gray

Somehow he found beauty in her that day

He looked past the scars and she looked past the bruises

And somehow they found, no one ever really loses." I quoted from memory.

I looked up to Blaze and noticed his tears.

"I love you..." I whispered and kissed his cheek.

"I l-love you m-more," he stuttered out. He looked up at me and smiled softly through his tears.

"Promise me something, please?"

"Anything," I say weakly.

"Whenever you feel bad, don't go to your razor. Come to me. Or write... write like that. Just.. please... please... don't do this to yourself. All you do when you keep your demons inside is allow them to just keep biting."

My eyes stung with the feeling of tears. They leaked out onto my cheeks, against what I wanted.

"I-I-I p...promise," I whispered weakly. "I might not always be able to... but I'll try... for you."

He looked to me and smiled, kissing my forehead.

"I love you more than myself. I can't just sit back while you do this." I nodded as the doctor came in.

"Miss Fain?" he said in his heavy accent. I nodded in recognition.

"I have some news on your friends." My eyes brightened as Iris and Ash walked into the room. They were cut up and bruised, but otherwise okay.

"Guys!" I said as loudly as possible. They came over and hugged me gently, not wanting to reopen scars or hurt their own.

"W-where's B-Brooke?" I asked when she didn't come in behind them.

The doctor spoke first. All my friends gave me sympathetic looks. Did they know something I didn't? She's my best friend. No way she wouldn't come see me. We couldn't live without each other. Unless...

"Your friend... Brooke... She's... in a medical induced coma. She may never be able to come out of."

And again the sense of tears stings my eyes.

The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where

The apathy and urgency is that I phoned in

It's not so pleasant

And it's not so conventional

It sure as hell ain't normal

But we deal, we deal.