Everything and What's Inbetween

Happy

I look and I look

For something I won't find,

Staring intensely at the markings

Grasping for it,

Reaching for a distant memory that's as lost as I am,

It locked away, so deeply confined.

They'll find...

I'm terrified of everything around me

And everything inside me too,

"Please be happy."

I beg to the person, staring back in the mirror,

But that's not how I was designed.

I'm not sure who I am

Or who I'm destined to be,

I feel trapped in myself,

So alone, yet surrounded on all sides ,

Its dark magic, is ruling over what's left of me.

I try and I try

But it's never enough.

Either its "I'm too smart" or "too dumb",

Either everyone cares or nobody does,

So I'm left alone, looking to the sky up above.

I'm like an open book.

But with an encrypted code,

So that's why I hide, who I truly am inside,

I'll never honestly be allowed to be me.

Because I don't know who that is,

If only someone dared to take a look.

They'll find...

I'm terrified of everything around me

And everything inside me too,

"Please be happy".

I beg to the person staring back in the mirror,

But that's not how I was designed.

I sit on the couch and sing with an old guitar,

Wishing desperately to have friends.

Who love me, and don't care about, the demons in my head

And don't act like I'm a bomb, that every second might be my end

But I'm always destined to get left behind.

So I'll just watch from afar.

So suddenly all of that changes,

Too where I stand now,

With you by my side,

You found,

I was terrified of everything around me,

And everything that was inside me too,

You never said, "Please be happy",

When I just couldn't try to,

And now I'm aware but not so afraid of everything approaching,

You gave me the courage to stand tall,

And not believe the hate I was feeding myself,

So hold me tight as the rain falls

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Ugh. Not my best. Sorry.