Losing my mind

9. A lover?

We were heading east, we needed a place to camp out for the night cause it was getting late and cold.

I drove a car with Glenn, Maggie, Hershel and Beth while the rest in another car and Daryl on Merle's motorcycle.

I had both hands on the steering wheel and my eyes focused on the road.

Maggie and Beth were talking about their past, memories.

Glenn got in the conversation

They then started talking about family and lovers they had. I tried my best to not think about Weston.

"Did you have a lover?" Beth asked me.

I was taken back by her question. I was quite for a few seconds.

"Yeah, I guess" I said and gripped the steering wheel hard

"What was her name?" Beth asked

"Him, its a him, his name was Weston"

They all were interested in what I was saying except Hershel, he was inside his own little world in his head.

"What happened to him?" Maggie asked

I shrugged my shoulders, I bit my lip until it started to bleed. My knuckles were turning white from gripping the steering wheel to hard.

Glenn noticed and put his hand on mine, from instinct I pulled my hand away.

He pulled his hand back immediately.

It was instinct.

I took a few deep breaths before I focused on the road ahead of us.

•

We stopped, we were running on fumes.

We got out of the car.

"Were running on fumes" Rick said

"We'll scavenge for gas in the morning, set up a perimeter and camp there" Rick said pointing to a spot in the woods

"I'm freezing" Carl said

"Well set up a fire" Lori told him, Rick took his jacket off and gave it to Carl.

Daryl was telling Rick that Randall was turned but he wasn't bit.

Lori asked if the herd got Shane.

Everyone was asking questions.

"Were all infected" Rick said

Everyone's faces dropped

"What?" I asked

"At the CDC Jenner told me, what ever it is, we all carry it"

I felt myself get nauseous

"Great!, that's fucking great" I say

"And you never said anything?" Carol asked

"What will it matter" he said

"You knew this whole time" Glenn said

"How could I have known?" Rick asked

Rick stormed away

•

It was dark and I had started a fire where we were going to camp out at.

I was adding branches to the fire when there was a rustle in the woods

"What was that?" Beth asked fear present in her voice

"It could be anything" Daryl said

"I'll check it out" I say then get up, I took my axe out and headed towards the noise.

It was dark and it was hard to see but I managed.

There was nothing that I could see, I headed back to the camp while tucking my axe back into its sheath.

I walked from the brush, all eyes watched me

"What was it?" Maggie asked

"Nothn' probably a raccoon" I say

They all relaxed but still on the look out.

I left them and walked to the cars, which were parked on the street.

I got on top of one the cars and lied down.

The moon was out but there was clouds scattered across it.

I sighed

*flashback before the outbreak*

I took a long drink of the beer that I stole from my dad

I was in the woods thinking about Weston, I shook my head and took another drink.

After I we kissed I ran off like a coward, if my dad found out I was gay, he'd beat the shit outta me.

I heard someone approach me from behind, I turned around and it was Weston

"How did you know I was behind you" he asked

"Daryl taught me" I say "to track and shit"

"Why did you run off?" He asked "are you afraid of me?"

"No no, I'm not afraid" I said frustrated "it's nothing"

"Is it your dad?" He asked

I looked at him, he knew the answer was yes

"He won't find out" Weston said

I shrugged my shoulders and looked up at the sky, it was night and the moon was out. The clouds barely letting the moon show.

"I fucking hate him, I can't do shit, I don't get shit from him, im nothing, I'm a worthless queer!" I yell, not at him.

"Hey" he said then put his arm on my shoulder, I was about to shrug his hand off when he engulfed me into a hug, a tight one.

I hugged Back

"Your a tough son of a bitch Brendon Dixon..... and I love you" he said into my shoulder,

My heart skipped a beat, I've never been told "I love you" by anyone, I didn't know what to feel.

"You don't have to say anything but it's what I feel" he said.

I rubbed the back of my neck.

"God damnit" I said "you know I'm not good at say-" he cut me off

"I know, you don't have to say it, you can just show it" he said simply

I nodded and started to bite my lip.

"Hey don't do that" he said and gestured to my lip, he put his thumb on my lip then he kissed me.

I kissed back. The kiss was gentle yet passionate.

*end of flashback*

I remember that like it was yesterday, I sat up and looked around again. I can't sleep so I took watch.