Musings of a Weirdo.

x || Fade

Originally posted on 'Musings Of A Weirdo'. Check it out on the blog, in the external link.

_______________________

It was quite late at night, the lights were out

All I saw was a small green tick, next to your profile picture

I could feel the words forming at my fingers

Words that could make or break your impression of me

With tentative, hesitant hands and a cup of coffee

I typed my first words to you; a 'hey, how are you?'

I was ecstatic when you replied; a simple 'hello'

Yet I told myself not to get overexcited; I didn't get it then

How such simple words could bring me such joy.

It was ridiculous. They were just words from a stranger.

And when we finally struck up conversation

It was crazy how my heart was constantly doing cartwheels

As it was bound to, the novelty of it soon wore out

We refused to talk of ourselves, we stuck to the superficial

One could only talk about their music tastes for so long

I was left with nothing to say; but I didn't want to lose this

Neither did you, 'cause this time you took the first step

It was that moment when you'd stopped being stranger to me

I don't remember why but it was our little game

We probably told each other everything, except our names

You knew about my crazy and dysfunctional family

And I knew how you were forced to grow up way too soon

But never names, for it brought hope to one's heart

Hope, that neither could afford; what if none of this were real?

A few months in, you became my everything

You probably knew things about me that I myself didn't

The world outside was beginning to fade away

And those small black letters were becoming my only anchor

Only...it wasn't strong enough to hold me up

It was an iceberg in disguise; looking for reasons to drown me

I always ask myself 'why didn't I see it coming?'

The signs were scattered all over your cryptic messages

And if it wasn't glaringly obvious enough

I knew nothing about you; everything else were lies

You never really stopped being a stranger

It was just me; me who fell for this elaborate trap

An experiment – that's all I ever was to you

You wanted to see if I would fall for those empty words

And you know what? It worked like a charm.

I stupidly believed in words shallower than a paper plate

Congratulations, you pulled the rug underneath

Leaving only a blank screen and a constantly blinking cursor

I guess this chapter comes to an end doesn't it?

It started with a blank screen and now it ends with one

There was never anything in-between

And somehow that had completely missed my eyes

I was so determined keep holding onto you

That it never once crossed my mind that I was fading

I was slowly losing myself to this endless abyss

It was a one-way street and I couldn't find the reverse

So I ended up giving too much of me

And now? There's nothing. Nothing left for myself.

Don't worry, you don't get the credit

Not this time. Because it was my stupid mistake

To whosoever it may concern (or not)

Because it really wouldn't matter. It'll be too late

By the time you finish reading this I'll be gone

Fade away to a place high above. Permanently logged out.

You may question my poor choices.

But I take full responsibility for this. So farewell.