Sweater Weather.{Troye Sivan Fanfic}

Chapter 6.

            A cool breeze went throughout my body sending shivers all over. I breathe in the Californian air, it smelt of beaches,and trees as calm as this walk is, I have to think of an apology to Troye and his family for my horrible presence and my outburst at Troye. Deeply, i sighed all i wanted to do was yell at nothing just to have all my pain out.

        I'm doing everything wrong, yet it feels so right. My whole life has been a huge blur that i can't even keep up with myself. This whole drug problem, police chase with Eleanor is only going to bring me down and make everything even worse for me. The demons within are winning this battle at the moment, I just want Troye again but with these demons, they're stopping me from doing anything right.

     Speaking of demons, mine just to seem to be yelling death at me every single day. I never meant to let down anyone, but look what they've done, everyone i seem to love are gone or are disappointed with me. I only have Troye and Eleanor to be sheltering me, I can't espace my mistakes, unless i have help or someone shows me how too.

    My soul is just a dark abyss from all the pain and lost of feelings i've felt in my life, my dreams are coming down at me. I always wanted to become a singer, but i let my world slip away from me, my dream went away with it. That one hot summer day in Australia, i remember telling Troye i wanted to become a singer.

    'Troye, what do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him, taking a sip of water from the glass. He looked up to the beautiful sky, in deep thoughts, his blue eyes shimmer, looking at me he told me, "I'm not quiet sure yet, but i always just wanted to do something to make people's day better. If they were having a bad day, i want to entertain them to have their minds off things. If i could make someone happy or as i said their day better I'm fine with it."

  My heart fluttered for some weird reason. The way he spoke so freely always made me happy and at peace, Troye always had great advice up his sleeves, he made my days better each day of the year. The Aussie boy beside me had my heart for a long time, I'm pretty sure he knew it with everyone being so loud about me fancying him.

  "Well I'm sure you knew what to say, you always make my days better, by putting a smile on my face or having me laugh. Whatever it is that ends you up with a career like that, I'm beyond sure you'll do a bloody amazing job with it.'" I told him, flashing him a goofy smile.

  "I wish i do end up having a career along the lines of what i just told you. Plus, with you by my side I'm also really sure I'll get to it, with your feisty side."  Troye stated, winking at me. Blushing deeply, i cuddled up to his side, his signature wink he always seem to flashing to everyone, making girls go crazy.

  I nodded, at the end. "So what do you want to be?"  He asked smoothly.

    "A singer. I know it's crazy and i might never get my chance to become one but it's worth a shot" I sighed, knowing become a singer wasn't exactly easy. Troye snaked his arm around me, and pushed my hair out of my ear. Leaning down he whispered to me "Singer or not, you're always going to be my superstar with the beautiful voice you have Savann." This is what i meant, he always knew what to say and it made my day brighter.

        Sitting down at a park bench, I started breaking down. I couldn't lose him again, the tears started, hitting my thighs 'Maybe it isn't to late to still be his superstar.' I whispered to myself.

      "No it isn't." Troye softly whisper's in my ear, snaking his arms around me, i slowly curl up to him in the fetal position, this is smoothing and relaxing. Why am i an idiot for fighting with a charming boy, Troye doesn't deserve me nor do i deserve him. The best of both worlds... not.

    "Sav... Can you please sing for me?" He nervously requests. I gulp, i hate when people ask me this question, the only moment where i truly panic, which song can i sing? How do you want me to sing it? Should i get an instrument to play along with? These truly were the things i thought about.

       Like a sore lonely loser i begin singing The Fray's "How To Save A Life"

     Step one, you say, "We need to talk."

  He walks, you say, "Sit down. It's just a talk."

  He smiles politely back at you

  You stare politely right on through

  Some sort of window to your right

  As he goes left and you stay right

  Between the lines of fear and blame

  You begin to wonder why you came.

       These lyrics then struck me in my cold heart. Me and Troye will have a huge talk one of these days about all the lies I will say. An awkward tension of staring back at each other, he's going to fight with me and i know it, finally no one's going to be happy and now were both separate again.

   At least that's how i see it. Even our past, i wonder now why i came here with Eleanor, should've left, now i don't have that chance of freedom anymore.

      Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life.

          I went wrong with bad decision, I lost Troye and family in the making of 'Jenna.' Maybe i thought i was being bittersweet, I wasn't all i am is a woman with no self respect for her or any respect for anyone. I could have helped Troye and Natalie with them being deported to England, where both didn't want to go, could have save my life and their's. I didn't.

    I have to stop singing, these lyrics are already destroying me. I could have sang a better song choice. This is also why I hated the question. I'm weak in heart, emotions and mind with song lyrics, I take them straight to the heart and it hurts.

      "Troye I'm dearly sorry, you don't understand how the song makes me feel." I tell him. "I'm also very sorry for my fit earlier this evening."

    "It's fine, people will make bad decision's in life, everyone should understand that. Only a few actually sadly, our world careless and full of lies and such, but i know you Savanna Paulina Evans wouldn't lie to me, which is why you're my best friend and why i love you so much."

    My heart stop, I would be losing Troye again because of my horrible decisions, how bitter am i? I'm so very sorry Troye, you won't love me ever again soon enough.

             That's when the police sirens starting going off.