I was 6 when I met them.
The girl was cute and bubbly and my age. We became best friends instantly.
The boy was older than us. He was her brother and was always outgoing and talked to everyone. We never talked.
I was 10 when it all changed.
The girl became popular and prettier. Everyone loved her and she always had a smile on and I started to lose mine.
We were no longer as close as we used to be.
I was getting closer to the her brother, the boy.
He was more handsome now and had many girlfriends. I was there through them all and not once have it affected me until now.
I didn't know what compelled me to start talking to him more often and I still can't understand why he responded back every time.
We were nothing yet everything all at the same time.
We never talked in public. Never in front of anyone, but his sister suspected. She knew what was happening.
The boy was mad. He didn't want anyone to know he was talking to me, his sister's little friend. I was an embarrassment.
We still texted everyday. All night until one of us fell asleep and all day until our phones died. There were no words to describe us. We didn't even know what was going on, all we knew was that we didn't want it to end.
We didn't know what 'love' was back then, but I told him I loved him anyways. I knew I felt something strong for him, didn't know what it was. Never expected him to say it back right way, but he did.
I was over the moon. Never felt happier in my entire life. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face for weeks.
Then the doubt and insecurities started to settle in and crawl into my head.
What if he left me for a more prettier and skinnier girl?
What if I can't meet his standards anymore?
What if he was lying to me this whole time?
Then I realized, we were never together to begin with. He could do whatever he wanted and so could I.
But I couldn't think of anyone else without feeling like I was cheating on him.
I was 12 and he 16 when we had our first kiss. I knew it was wrong. Everything we were doing was wrong. But we couldn't help ourselves. It was too tempting. He was too tempting.
He was getting older and more mature. It was his last year of high school and he would be going off to college far away the following year. I didn't know what I would do if he just left.
Age never mattered to us and we never talked about it. But that's all I could think of for weeks. I never really thought about how much older he was than me and how much younger I was compared to him. I never really thought about what would happen when he leaves, simply because I never thought we would last this long. This was never supposed to happened in the first place. It was all a beautiful mistake.
I turned 14 and he left for college the next day. No goodbye. Nothing. I didn't even know until a few weeks later when his sister told me.
I started my first day of high school and he started his first semester of college a few weeks before. The only way I knew what he was doing was because of social media.
He got a girlfriend the first month he was there in California. She was prettier and skinnier than me.
He flew back home every break to spend it with friends and family. They invited my family over but I always made excuses not to go.
I haven't seen him in more than three years and he never tried to contact me.
I was in my last year of high school. I grew up. Had a few boyfriends and tried to forget him, but every attempt was futile. No one could replace him.
I heard he came back home with his girlfriend of three years, getting his parents approval to marry her after they graduate.
I broke after many years. Drank until I couldn't remember my own name. I really meant nothing to him. I was nothing. I wanted to be nothing.
I tried to kill myself on the day he graduated. It was a few days before my graduation. I woke up to find myself in the hospital. That day his sister called me after she heard . It was the first time I had talked to her over three years. I guess it's true when they say no one cares unless you're pretty or dying.
Her sweet voice brought back too many memories of my childhood that I tried so hard to forget, most of them being her brother. I told her sorry and hung up.
It was the day of my graduation. I didn't expect anyone to be there except for my parents. I wasn't close to anyone. I was really surprised to see her there. She hadn't tried to contacted me since the day I hung up on her at the hospital.
What I couldn't believe though, was seeing him in the bleachers. I thought I was seeing things, my overwhelming emotions and the weeks events catching up to me.
Turns out I wasn't imagining things. He had the audacity to come to my graduation to tell me he was proud of me.
But that wasn't the real reason why he came. He came to see me after four fucking years to give me his wedding invitation. His face lit with happiness and eyes shining.
And I just smiled and congratulated him, took the invitation, and watched his back as he left, probably to go to his fiancee.
We were now strangers with the same deep past memories.
His wedding came and went by. I couldn't make myself go. Instead, I was packing for college. I left for England, far away from everyone and everything.
I finished college and university there and met someone. Was with him for two years but then he left me for someone else.
At 28 I decided to move back to my childhood town.
I haven't talked to anyone there, including my parents for over two years. I didn't know what to expect and didn't tell anyone I was coming back either.
My parents were still in love and together happily.
My old best friend was married with the other love of her life and had a child on the way.
He was still married to the same girl and had two children.
And then there was me.
I tried to settle down with someone but something always happened and I was always left to my own devices, left to fend for myself.
Both siblings seemed to have moved on from me and forgot me. After all, I was just an insignificant part of their childhood.
But I never forgot them. Never will. I loved them both very dearly, each differently of course. She was the first friend I ever loved and he was the first boy I ever fell in love with.
I never stopped loving then. Not when I overdosed and definitely not when I took my last breathe at 31.
People say everyone can get their happy ending if they have faith and work hard. Everyone I loved got their happy ending.
But what happened to my happy ending?
