Hobbit One-Shots Book 2

Please Pass the Arsenic-Rant

I don't normally feel the overwhelming urge to rant about life...I generally put some of what I am feeling into my stories where I can weave a tale that the reader finds enjoyable. Not this time...No story can show what I am feeling this time. This my friends is a screaming rant... a cry for all the pain I am feeling emotionally, mentally, and physically because of people who believe that their love for a certain food is greater than their love for those they profess to love. This rant is for all those that suffer with food allergies..gluten intolerance...Celiac Disease.

Those of us who suffer with these ailments are hurting on the inside from those who claim love us by their thoughtlessness and higher love for something that is a poison to us. Since when is it socially acceptable to serve poison to someone...to bring it into their home just so you don't have to go without your mistress for even one hour. That's what this is to us...a POISON, that others blatantly consume right under our noses or spread across our living space that we touch. Not once have I heard someone say at the dinner table...

"Please pass me the arsenic." 

That is what certain foods are to us with these allergies/sensitivities...Arsenic. Just like that poison, it may not kill us the first time or the second time but over time builds up and eventually it will take our life. Never once have I wished for others to be afflicted with Celiac disease...ever, but recently I have found myself wishing others who hurt me everyday would experience what I go through for one month...to have to live through each day with the knowledge, the fears, the pain we have to go through on a day to day basis. I find myself wishing , for one minute mind you before I get my brains back, that those with the attitude of "You can't get a reaction if you don't eat it" or "It's all in your head" to suddenly experience just once the pain a reaction brings...the fear of the food surrounding you at the table you are sitting at while thinking...

"What is in this? Is it safe? Is it worth the chance of a reaction that this may have (????) in it from just taking one bite?"

We take a chance , like Russian Roulette, with each bite we take because others don't see the reactions we have so they make the assumption that we are just being picky or difficult. Yes, even though you can't see it, we are having severe reactions to the gluten in our food. Most of our reactions to something as simple and common as gluten are hidden to the naked eye. We suffer from our skin feeling like fire is licking across the skin...our minds are always in a fog where each minute is a struggle to think past....our body aches so bad in the joints, the bones, even our organs feel as if something is stabbing or setting them on fire...our very guts twist and cramp in agony for weeks on end from just one bite of gluten. That's just only a few reactions out of over a hundred reactions we can have. The constant diarrhea that leaves us shaking from dehydration or the flip side where constipation comes a calling where even Ex-lax falters in the battle as you cry and pray for salvation from being ripped apart from your very ass. Yeah, it's all in our head. It's all in your head when you stop breathing because your throat closes up...it's all in your head when sores crop up on your body because your body is trying to push the poisons out of your system so that you may have a shot to live...YEAH, it's all in my head.

They don't seem to comprehend that their careless actions and words can bring such pain that you have brief moments of where you contemplate suicide. They make you feel as if you are the one with the problem, you are nothing but a bother because you can't eat like them...that you have to question everything around you, with each and every sigh they make. You start thinking the world is better without you in it, if you were gone then they wouldn't have to "Cater" to your needs and they can do whatever they like without having to think. You end up feeling worthless and nothing but a problem in, those who claim to love you, lives. This is another problem with Celiac disease...it has a mental component to it...it can make you prone to depression and other mental disorders. I am getting SICK AND TIRED of people treating me as if I am the only one with the problem...because they love their DAMN wheat more than my life and the life of my son. Yeah they love me.

They are not the ones who hold a child as they scream while trying to push out crap as big as their fists because someone thought it was fine to bring wheat into my home that caused him to become constipated, even though he was drinking prune juice. HE WAS ONE YEARS OLD DAMN IT! They are not the one who holds that child as he is sobbing and shaking in your arms from the burning pain of a abscess that has come up on his bottom or legs because the poison is trying to push out of his young body from their negligence of protecting him when he gets near them. I have endured years of everybody's callous behaviors and disregard to our health...until now.

Back in April I ~was~ pregnant but with all the wheat around me (no, I do not ingest, but they cook it, they set that slice of bread on the counter and do not clean it off, leave me to wash the dishes, bring their fast food in to eat at my table that I sit at) ...I lost my baby. They couldn't be bothered to protect the life of my unborn child...their gluten is more important than my life. Losing my child that I had the privilege to hear its heartbeat, because of their selfish want of something that is poisonous to me, sent me spiraling into deep depression where my husband feared going to work each day. To make my problem worse, someone whom I trusted to not do what was done, came into my home and told me I wish my son had this disease so I was not alone in this. I stood there in shock as I cried at what he said...

"Who in their right mind would wish this on someone they love?"

To make it even worse to me, later when I stopped sputtering and I confronted him about it...he doesn't even remember saying it to me. It meant so little to him to say such devastating words to and destroy my trust...my faith in someone who I would have bet my life to never utter such thoughtless words to me. In those weeks after I felt broken beyond repair, to the point I was in my bathroom at 2 am staring at a bottle of pills...stroking them as I fought to not swallow every last one to end my pain- both physical and mental. It was the thought of my son and husband that snapped me back to reality and in that instant I woke my hubby up to take the pills to keep away from me till I was stable again. The next morning I called a counselor for help and they came into my home to talk to me on a weekly basis to help me work through these issues. With their help and understanding I feel confident that I am in a better frame of mind. My husband, child, the grief therapist and my mother all have helped me to become strong enough to say this...

"I am more important than gluten...I am worth you giving up something that threatens my life for one day...my life holds more value than your DAMN taste buds. If you really love me...really cared whether I live or die, then prove it to me. There is no act greater than giving up on your love affair for a certain food just so I can live and have a better quality of life for the sake of my family. Yes, you can say you will die for me, but the greater proof of love is will you give up what can kill me to save my life. Dying is the easy way out ...once you're dead you don't feel pain anymore. Anyone with these problems have to live with the constant pain ~mental, emotional, physical~...we don't get to escape from it. So, if you really care about and love that person then you are capable of giving up whatever is making your loved one sick. True love gives you the strength and courage to do it. I found my proof that such love exists...my husband. The day he found out about my disease, he gave it up for I am the most precious thing in his life...me and our son...not gluten.

So to all of those who suffer from this kind of selfish and callous attitude...you are in my prayers. To those who let their love for a piece of food that threatens the one you "PROCLAIM TO LOVE" to rule your life....

"Would you like one or two lumps of arsenic with your tea?"

Thank you for letting me share my anger and pain...for hearing me out when I needed it the most...THANK YOU.