Traveler of the Sky // Shawn Mendes

Night Terrors

After everything happened with Shawn last night I just went into my hotel room, and cried. I wasn't worried about what time it was because I ended up crying myself to sleep.

Everyone has left me so far. Everyone that has came into my life has left me. My father left when I was four, Noelle wasn't even born yet. My father never wanted children, but then I came along. He always said he was okay with having one child, and that since I was a girl it would be easier to get along, because are girls are statistically easier to raise than boys. My mother had to get a major surgery done and there was a chance that we could lose her, so she had the surgery done anyways. It was a long healing process but my father suddenly started treating my like I was his world. I think he was so afraid that we were going to lose my mom that he suddenly started feeling afraid that he could lose me too, and if he lost my mom I would have been all he had left. A few years after my mothers surgery when I was around 10, my father decided that I wasn't his world anymore and he didn't want to be with my mother anymore. I noticed that they started fighting a lot more, and there would be times when my father would not talk to me for a certain amount of time. One night him and my mom got into a huge fight, and my father packed up his stuff and left.

I never saw my father again until I was 14. He decided that he wanted to try work things out again, but he absolutely refused anymore kids. Thus, making me feel like I was why he left the first time. The way he treated my after my mom had surgery is exactly how he started treating me again. Like I meant everything to him, and he was absolutely afraid to lose me. He almost never let me out of his sight. he always came either with my mom or by himself to get me from school.

A few months later, when they thought I was asleep, I heard them fighting. I didn't understand what went wrong, or why they were fighting, but I remember that I got so scared that I went and hid in my closet. I heard my mother screaming "So, you're just going to leave us again, I can't do this on my own, one was hard enough by myself!" it sounded like she started crying.

"Well she's 14 now, she can help you with everything. It can't be that hard to teach her how to change a freakin' diaper!" I heard a door slam, and then my mother started running up the stairs into her bedroom. I got back out of my closet and laid on my bed and cried myself to sleep. I didn't understand what was happening, I never thought my father would have left again. But seven and a half months later I learned what everything meant.

We had passed my fifteenth birthday and my mother was eight months pregnant. We had my birthday party 3 days after my actual birthday. January twenty first was the day I got Noelle. Just three days after my birthday, the most important thing to me on this Earth, came into the world. It finally clicked for me as to why my father left months ago. Him and my mother agreed on no more children, and she got pregnant. So he left since he decided he didn't want to go through raising a child again.

And then you. You left me. You left me too soon. It was the first day of 2nd grade and you were sat right next me. We were best friends. All throughout elementary school, even when my father left, your entire family was there for me. It was easy to figure out who you had gotten your looks from. Your mother. She was gorgeous, just like you. She had bright blue eyes, they could hold the ocean. The dark brown hair, hers was always styled, but yours was always messed up from you running your hand through it because you always thought it was messed up. You both had light freckles dusted across your faces, and the pale complexions. You weren't allowed to play outside for too long without sunscreen or you would get sun burnt. All the teachers knew and you thought it was embarrassing when you had to leave recess early. And then high school, you still had the freckles and the dark brown hair, you ever learned how to style your hair because you were still always running your hands through it. Your eyes got bluer if that was even possible. Your little sister came along in the 7th grade and she looked just like your father. The dirty blonde hair and same bright blue eyes, and the darker, tanned skin. She was beautiful. But you and her were both taken too soon. It was senior prom and you got drunk at after prom. You left and you drove home, because your parents were out of town and the babysitter could only stay for too long. One of your friends called you and said they were going to the party at one of their houses, so you called me and asked me if I would take Michelle for the night, and her and Noelle could have a sleep over. I agreed. I shouldn't of.

I should have told you to man up, and be the big brother that she needs, she was only 5 years old for god's sake. She needed you. I should of told you to stay home with her. I should of told you that she was counting on seeing you in the morning since your parents were out of town. I should have never agreed into letting you drink and drive. I didn't even know you were drunk. I didn't even know you were drinking at prom.

 I never really saw you now that I give it the thought. You were busy with your date. Maegan. I never knew her. I'm glad I didn't, she wasn't the one for you. It might be a little biased since you were my best friend and the only person I thought was acceptable of your love and care was me, but I knew we weren't meant to be. You never started acting distant until she came along. With her gorgeous mid-back length, blonde hair. She was the perfect height for you, and the perfect image of a girlfriend for you. But she wasn't the best for you. She wasn't a good influence for you. I saw it, all of your friends saw it, and so did your family. Skylynn hated her and you didn't care about your little sisters opinion of her. She was probably at that party. That's probably why you wanted to go so badly.

The next few hours I get a call from your parents saying that you and Skylynn were in a car accident, one of you was dead on the scene, and the other died on the way to the hospital. I dropped my phone and ran out to my car grabbing my keys off the counter. I drove and drove and drove, until I had a fourth of a tank of gas. I got home, and your parents and my mother were in the living room, my mother clutching onto Noelle. She was only three years old. Michelle was just five.

We later found out that you were killed at the scene, and Skylynn died in the ambulance. You weren't even wearing your seat belt, probably because you were in to big of a hurry. You didn't even put Skylynn in her booster seat, you put her upfront and just buckled her in. You went flying through the windshield, literally flying. You were a few feet away from the car when they found your body. They said you had died on impact with the other vehicle, and Skylynn was suffocated and her brain began bleeding from the impact of the airbag. No one in the other car was hurt too badly. It was just you and Skylynn.

Your parents moved across the country after your funerals. I don't blame them. But they were practically my parents too, I didn't want them to leave, they were all I had left you. The image of you and Skylynn's caskets closing at the burials burns in my mind forever. I can't the scene out.

I hear someone banging on my door around 5 in the morning. I was having another night terror of that night, of the funerals. I open the door, looking like the Reaper himself. I wish I would have looked in a mirror before I answered the door.