[1] Gasoline ✗ Draco Malfoy

twenty two

Chapter Twenty-Two;

The weeks of the holidays (it wasn't much of a holiday, in any case) blurred together, making Seohyun feel like she was drifting through a horrible, awful nightmare.

She stayed in her assigned quarters as much as she could without it being suspicious. Her trunk arrived from Ravenclaw tower, and she kept herself busy by painting and drawing. For once her focus wasn't on scenes or people, but abstract concepts: paint splattered across a page in red and orange to represent her frustration, making the page look like it was bleeding; swirls of blue and black cloud for her loneliness; her fear portrayed through green with undercurrents of grey and brown. She incinerated her paintings when she finished, so as not to leave any clues lying around.

Her art was therapy: a chance to lash out with all her emotions. Art used to be her escape. Now it was a coping mechanism.

When she did leave her rooms, Draco was always by her side. He kept his promise never to leave her alone and, when he was around, Seohyun felt stronger. On her own she was a fish out of water; with Draco nearby she could slip into the role she was supposed to. He knew what it was like to live like this. 

Seohyun at first stayed in the shadows, keeping her artist's eye peeled to analyse every interaction, every offhand comment, every jokes and every stance. She noted their postures, so self-assured and arrogant, the way they walked, like they owned the world. Seohyun adopted these habits and made herself more prevalent, acting like she actually was proud of the horrid mark imprinted on her skin.

Every action sickened her and made her disgusted with herself, but it had to be done. This was the only way she could survive. Though every time she forced herself to laugh at the idea of torturing Muggle-borns (Hermione's face kept cropping up whenever this happened), act like the murder of Charity Burbage was a good thing, and the fall of the Ministry was an occasion to be celebrated, not feared, Seohyun experienced a rush of the deepest self-loathing.

That was during the day. At night she stayed hauled in her room, where she let everything go. Draco came in to see her, and made no comment if she was crying, slashing paint across a canvas, punching her pillow or pacing while running her hands through her hair. 

Instead he'd approach her, take her hands, hold her or just sit beside her. In her own time Seohyun would lean against him, rest her head on his shoulder, or start a soft conversation. Sometimes he'd reassure her with gentle words, other times he'd give her a chaste kiss on her lips.

His presence was the only highlight in her otherwise dark life. Nights became day: it was the time she felt warmth and solace in the solitude, when she could finally take off her mask and be Park Seohyun again. Days were as cold and empty as the night; a time where she was drowning in her own cold guilt and self-hatred.

"I will get through this," she told herself, every time she woke up and went to sleep. "I am strong. Stronger than the mark on my skin. I am Park Seohyun and I. Will. Endure."

It wasn't much, but it gave her courage and a small boost of confidence.

She believed she could handle anything that was thrown her way. She could smile at Death Eaters like old friends, laugh at acts of cruelty while swallowing back bile.

That was, until the day before September 1st and she had to return to Hogwarts, when she was once more summoned by You-Know-Who himself.

"You'll be okay," Draco said, as they hurried once more to the dining room. "You've fooled him before. You can do it again.