Caffeine (Phan)

Chapter 9

Dan's POV:

Dan laid awake in the bed next to Phil, who was softly snoring. He looked over at the man who has taken over his life and smiles. Phil shifted and grabbed Dan's waist, pulling him to his chest. Dan smiled and closed his eyes.  He couldn't believe how lucky he was. 

He loved Phil with all his heart. 

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*Trigger warning: talk of self harm, depression*

Eric: Dan...

Dan: are you okay? what's going on?

Eric: I can't stop hurting myself, I threw away all my razors, but last night I ran to a gas station and bought some just to do it... I'm so sorry...

Eric: I'd like to spend time with you, I miss you. Mom said I can take this week off of school, the therapist will get me an excuse.  Please?

Dan: of course who do you think i am? a sadist? do you want me to use phil's car and pick you up?

Eric: Sure, but can he not come with you when you come to pick me up? I need to talk to you alone. Mom said I can leave today if you're not busy. 

Dan: sure, i'll head over soon. be ready

Read 11:12am

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"Well I just don't understand why I can't go!" Phil said with a pout. He was upset that Dan had to go, he wanted to do a 'breakfast in bed' all day, which he said would consist of  eating junk food and watching movies. When he told Phil about Eric he said it was fine, he said it was an excuse for Dan to sleep in his bed. 

Dan sighed, adjusting Phil's pug sweater on his shoulder, the stupid thing kept slipping off. "Eric asked if it could be just him and I so he could talk to me. Don't tell him I told you, I just want you to know while he's here. Eric, he struggles with depression. He-" Dan put his head in his hands, one sob shaking his body. He was immediately enveloped in Phil's arms.

"Baby, please don't cry. If you cry, I will too. I understand, go." Phil pulled Dan's hands away from his face and lifted his chin. Giving him a soft kiss, he turned him around and walked him to the door. "I love you. Be safe, wear your seat belt and make sure Eric does too." Phil said softly.

Once Dan arrived at his childhood home, he stepped out of the parked car and knocked on the door. His mother opened it and hugged him. "Dan, please watch him carefully. Take any drugs and either remove them or lock them away. Any razors or knives need to be hidden. The only time I want him alone is if he's showering or going to the restroom. And sleeping," his mother had rushed this all out and just in the knick of time before Eric came bounding down the stairs, duffle bag in hand. 

"I'm ready, let's go." Eric said, walking to the car and putting his stuff in the backseat and hopping into the passenger's seat. Dan raised an eyebrow at his mum, because Eric didn't even give her a glance, let alone a goodbye. 

"He's angry with me. I threw his razors away and then when he came back with some from the gas station I took them and hid them. He thinks it's not bad what he's doing to himself." 

He was shocked, how did Eric think it was okay? It is most obviously not. Dan was trying to suppress both anger and tears. "Okay mum, I love you, I will talk to him, okay?" He gave his mum a kiss on the cheek and told her to say bye to his Dad. 

"Say hello to Phil for me!" She said with a wink. Dan blushed, he told his parents a couple of weeks ago that they were dating. 

*In the car* 

"Eric," Dan said, turning down the Jon Bellion song that was playing. "Listen to me, don't say anything until I'm done." He looked over at his younger brother who nodded and then looked away. "Mum told me you think it's okay to hurt yourself." He looked at Eric again. "I want to tell you right now that it is not okay. It's so far from okay it's like Hitler's actions in World War II.  Shut up, I know that's a farfetched example. But if you can't do it for yourself, do it for me. It hurts me to know you think it's perfectly fine to hurt yourself.  Now, tell me what's been going on."

"I feel like the reason I'm bullied is because I am a waste of space. I don't even belong here. I know you'll say I do, but I don't. I really fucking don't. I don't even have friends anymore. They all left me because they thought if I was getting bullied they eventually will too. And the worst part is they think it's because I'm gay! They say gay lord and faggot, no offense Dan, but I'm not. I've actually had a girlfriend. And we had sex!"

"Whoa, wait, what?" Dan interrupted, "With who?" He looked over at his brother, who was now blushing madly. "I, uh, remember Lucy? Back from ninth grade? Yeah..." 

After that, Dan had Eric seriously tell him everything that went on in his head. After that, Dan was worried. 

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AHHHHHH THIS CHAPTER IS SUCH A SHITTY CHAPTER

Hannah