Each day, you would sit in exhaustion, on the verge of boredom. You would feel a constant rush of tiredness even though you haven't done anything. Mentally and emotionally drained was what you were. Despite all of that, something brought you hope and gave you energy and that was Joshua. Everyday after school, he would spend his time to visit you.
At the exact second that school ends, Joshua would grab his bag and run for the hospital to check up on you. Him visiting turned into a routine. It's crazy how committed he was every single day. He would bring and provide you your favourite foods and snacks, he would carry and bring his guitar, sit beside you and sing your favourite songs. You guys would sit and laugh for hours and hours. It's insane how much he knew you, its like he was your other half, your missing piece in a puzzle. He completed you but... you just don't know. It's all... Just too tiring. To be honest, he's the only reason you're still here.
As Joshua and you were enjoying each other's company, the nurses would look at you guys in awe and giggle. You never noticed because whenever you're with him, it felt like there's only the two of you and no one else around. One day the nurses approached you and jokingly asked you if you two were together. You furiously blushed at this question and answered no to hide the fact that you liked him. You expected Joshua to say the same but instead he replied with 'not yet'. Your entire face was flushed as you tried to bottle up the feelzzzz.
As each night went by, you would lay on the hospital bed questioning everything. One night, a burst of negative thoughts approached your mind. 'What is wrong with Joshua!? Why would he come and visit me?... No one else does. There must be something wrong with him. Can't he see that I'm nothing. He needs to give up on me. Can't he see that I'm just a waste of his time?...' At that moment, you felt a sudden breakdown.
You feel bad that you made him feel like he needs to worry about you. You felt as though you didn't deserve someone as good as him. He seemed too kindhearted for a person like you. Along with the thoughts, you feel asleep into your dreams.
Next day came by, and you felt numb and not physically. You just felt like there was no hope left. What's the point of living anyways? You feel dead. All you're able to do now is just stare into blank space. You just don't get your purpose in life. It's all stupid. You should just end all of it now. Cancer? You can't have chemotherapy cause your family is struggling financially so you might as well end life before cancer takes it away for you.
You detached yourself from the hospital machines and swayed to the roof of the building. You looked down from the tall building with dead eyes. Your tears began to fall as you got all choked up. 'Why am I even crying? Even when I'm dead, everything will be the same. I'm nothing. The stars will still shine, the earth will still spin, everyone will be happy... They won't have to deal with my bs anymore...' You took one last look at your watch. Oh no, Joshua is going to be here in two minutes. You gulped and set your foot on the edge. Looking down, you felt slightly light-headed. You were shaking. You bit your tongue, closed your eyes and spread your arms out as if you were going to fly.
As you were about to take a leap, you felt warm hands tightly grasping your waist. A body behind you, breathing heavily. You could hear the sound of sobbing and whimpering. Within the heavy breathing and soft crying, the person softly said ,'Please don't go... I can't let you leave me like that... It's painful for me to watch you like this... Please let me help... I love you...' You could recognise that voice anywhere. Joshua... At that moment, all you wanted to do was burst into tears. You covered your face as Joshua turned you around and pulled you closer to his chest.
Sobbing into his chest, you whimpered, 'I'm sorry that I'm such a burden to you...' 'You're not a burden to me. In fact you're the most important person in my life. I love you and I'll do anything to not lose you. Just promise to stay with me forever?...' You looked up into his eyes and said that you couldn't since you had cancer. He kissed you on the forehead and said ,'I said I'll do ANYTHING to keep you in my life. I promise. We'll have a future together. Just wait for me.' You didn't know HOW he was going to be able to help you but you trusted him with your life so you nodded in agreement.
Joshua carried you off the ledge and held your hand back to the hospital bed. 'I'll stay with you for as long as you want just promise me you won't do that again.' You didn't want to see him cry again but the pain was unbearable. You bit your tongue and promised him you wouldn't. He looked at you and smiled. His smile... His smile was... Made by angels. His smile made you feel like there was hope left. You could spend the rest of your life with this guy not saying a single word. 'I'm so grateful to have you in my life....' You exclaimed. 'I'm much more luckier to have you in my life. In fact, you are my entire life... Without you, I'm nothing :)' He said as he held your hands and laced your fingers with his. As the night got near, you fell asleep in his arms.
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Holidays are here for me so I'll try to upload more. Mianhaeyo -.-"
